Boyfriend and Girlfriend

Boss and Employee

Parent and Child

Husband and Wife

Friend and Friend

The list goes on...

To have a meaningful life, you'll need to have meaningful relationships.

Take a minute now and answer this question:

Is there a relationship in your life that you wish was better?

Now choose one relationship that if improved, would make the most positive impact in your life. Keep in mind that even great relationships can be made better so don't feel compelled to choose a bad relationship. Choose one that is most important to you.

Do you have one?

Ok, great!

Here are the 3 simple things I did to greatly enhanced my relationships at work and at home.

1. Ask

Just because you've known someone for a long time and they've never complained doesn't mean that your relationship is fine.

Most people have mediocre relationships because they mind read. They tend to guess at what they should do to make the relationship better. This is well-intentioned but incredibly ineffective.

The simple way to do this:

Conduct a weekly check up with the relationship you want to improve. I ask my wife every Sunday, "How did I do this week" and she gives me a score from 1 to 10 (10 being the highest score) along with specific reasons why I got that rating.

If I don't score a 10, I always ask for specific things I can do to score a 10 for the coming week. That becomes my focus for the week. This simple method has greatly improved every relationship where I use this method.

When using this method, NEVER be defensive or make excuses. Don't challenge the score or try to explain. If you do, the other person, will no longer want to answer your question or end up giving you fake scores. Just accept the specific feedback and focus on what you can do to improve your score. If you are having trouble, check out how to stay calm in the face of criticism.

2. Pay Attention

We all know the golden rule:

"Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Most people have trouble following this rule. It is more common to see people waiting to get first before they give. It's understandable but it's also why so many people have poor relationships.

For those of you who do follow the golden rule:

I'm sure you have some excellent relationships but ...

What if I told you that this isn't the best rule to follow?

What if there is a better rule to live by?

Here is the "platinum" rule:

"Do unto others as they would have done unto them."

Not everyone wants to be treated the way we like to be treated.

Please recognize this.

It'll transform your relationships for the better.

The Simple Way to Do This:

Ask people what they like and remember it. Show people in subtle ways that you pay attention to what they say. If someone tells me that they hate certain foods, I try not to order them. If someone mentions their child is applying for a certain university, I will try to connect them with someone in my network who is an alumni for that university and can write a letter of recommendation.

One of the key reasons for the success of both the golden and platinum rules is that you must take the first step.

Give first, help first, serve first.

3. Don't Keep Score

No one likes being taken advantage of.

That is why we keep score.

There is nothing wrong with being fair and upholding fairness but life isn't always about being fair.

The Simple Way to Do This:

Stop keeping score.

This was one of the most liberating things I've done and it has improved my relationships with everyone.

I no longer keep count of how many times I've paid for dinner, how many favors I've done for someone or who took the first step towards compromise. I've realized that none of that matters if my goal is to build better relationships.

Trust that the people you want to build relationships with are great people who would never take advantage of you and you'll never worry about keeping score.

If you suspect someone is taking advantage of you, why are you in a relationship with them anyway?

So let's get back to you and the most important relationship you want to improve. Here is what I recommend:

Immediately after you finish this article:

1. Send an email asking that person to rate you on a scale from 1 to 10 on your relationship. Ask for specifics on how they came up with the rating. If the rating is below a 10, ask what you can do to make it a 10.
2. Think about all your interactions with this person. What are their interests? Likes? Dislikes? Life Challenges? etc. Ask yourself, what is one thing you can do to help them this week?
3. Stop keeping score.

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges"

- Joseph Fort Newton

So stop trying to protect yourself and start trying to connect.

Who are you going to connect with this week? What other ways do you use to improve your relationships?

The post 3 Easy Ways to Improve Any Relationship appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

If you believe selling is sleazy, please click here and read this article before reading on.

For those who truly believe salespeople can have integrity and still be great and want to start learning how to sell effectively, here is Lesson 1.

Before you even open your mouth, the first thing you want to do is think about ...

... the product or service you want to sell. Right?

WRONG!

Most people want to start with their product or service because that is what they created, know or want to sell. Starting with what you want to sell is one of the main reasons most people have a hard time selling.

The first thing you want to think about ...

... is your customer.

Who is it and what do they want? If you don't know, then your next step is to find out.

Only when you know what your customer wants, can you begin the selling process.

A great salesperson is not someone who can sell anything to anyone. A great salesperson is someone who finds out what the customer wants or needs, determines whether his product or service can fulfill that want or need and "sells" to the customer only if there is a match.

Your want to shift your mindset from one of a traditional salesperson to an assistant buyer. A great assistant buyer knows specifically what his client wants. That is the relationship you want.

So how do you find out what your potential customers want?

You just ask.

How do you get them to open up to you?

You need to do three things.

Build Rapport

Without trust, you won't get the answers to your key questions. Sometimes you may not even get the opportunity to ask any questions. If you want a refresher on building rapport, read How to Build Rapport with Anyone.

Ask the Right Questions

Once you have rapport, your purpose is to understand what your customer wants by asking the right questions.  So what are the right questions?

It depends.

The questions you ask will be dependent on the answers you get. Before you close out this window thinking you've just wasted your time, let me make it up to you by telling you this:

Different people have different motivations to buy.

Three people can buy the same SUV for different reasons: One buys it because it is safe. The second because it is on sale. The third because it looks good.

It is important to recognize this concept before I introduce the series of questions that will drill down to a person's motivation.

Question 1 - What do you want?  A new job.

Question 2 - Why do you want a new job? Because I want to to be challenged.

Question 3 - And why is being challenged important to you? Because I went to a good school and got a good education and I don't want it to go to waste. I want to be able to showcase my abilities.

Question 4 - And if you were able to showcase your abilities, how would that impact your life? I would be happier and I would be able to impress my boss and colleagues. I wouldn't have to feel so replaceable. 

Question 5 - What does it feel like to be replaceable? I worry about everything I am doing at work and I am suspicious of other people trying to make me look bad. I get paranoid and sometimes I don't get a good night's rest if my boss says he wants to meet with me. I always expect the worse.

Question 6 - What do you think will happen if this continues to go on? I'll probably have a bad relationship with my coworkers and perform badly at work from all the worrying and lack of sleep.

Question 7 - And how would that make you feel? Absolutely horrible. I want to be a nice person but it's hard to when you are competing with everyone. I don't want to get fired or a nervous breakdown. 

Question 8 - And you're telling me that your current job is preventing you from living the life you want. What is it worth to you to fix this problem and live the life you want? A lot

Now we still haven't mentioned the product or service but if you had a product or service that could help this person, what do you think will happen?

Listen Actively

To effectively ask the right questions and to capture the person's motivations, fears and frustrations, you need to let your potential customer talk and you need to listen because everything that is being said will help you decide whether your product or service is right for your prospect. You actively listen by asking more questions to clarify exactly what your prospect wants.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Now that you have a good idea of how to ask your prospect what they want. Practice building rapport and drilling deep with your prospects. Really internalize the method of questioning and remember to listen attentively and be curious and sensitive about what your prospect is and is not saying.

In Lesson 2, we'll cover what you're going to do with all this great information you got from applying Lesson 1.

The post How to Sell with Integrity – Lesson 1 – The First Thing to Think About appeared first on Embrace Possibility.