No man is an island (quote courtesy of John Donne) ...

... and the most valuable currency among men (and women) is trust.

Trust is why we get up in the morning and do what we do.

Trust is why people get married.

Trust is why you are reading this article right now.

I hope to keep that trust by fulfilling my promise to teach you how to build rapport, the process of gaining trust and understanding, with anyone.

The techniques that I am about to introduce are based on three key ideas about people:

People care deeply about themselves

People want to feel important

People like and trust familiar things

So if you want to build rapport, you should:

Get People to Talk about Themselves

The best conversationalists are usually the ones that never say a word about themselves. They are great at generating the trust building cycle of asking questions, listening actively and giving back what was said. This requires you to be present, which tells the person that you have made them your first priority. Although you can get someone to talk about themselves by rattling off a generic list of questions, this technique is most effective when you have a genuine interest and curiosity in the other person.

Remember Their Names

Nothing is more important to a person than their name. Just think back to the time when someone called you by the wrong name. Taking effort to learn someone's name when you first meet is a real compliment and it makes that person feel important. Click here if you want to learn how to remember names even if you have bad memory.

Match their Body Language, Vocal Variety, Verbal Language, etc

An excellent way to build rapport is by matching the other person's posture, gesture, speech, etc. because the subconscious picks up on and likes familiarity. If the person you are talking with speaks slowly, gestures emphatically and sits cross-legged, you should also speak slowly, gesture strongly and cross your own legs if you want to build rapport.

I was initially hesitant to use this technique for the fear of being accused of mocking the other person but having done it both consciously and subconsciously many times, I have realized that the other person doesn't even notice. When you have excellent rapport with someone, the other person begins to subconsciously match you. You can test the strength of your rapport by changing your body language and observe whether the other person's body language follows yours. When done correctly, this is one of the strongest techniques you can use to build trust.

Take their Reaction as Feedback

You may be doing all the "right" things but for some reason, you just can't seem to connect with the other person. Take this as feedback and not failure which will shift your focus from "why did I fail" to "what should I do now knowing this new piece of information".  Usually you will need to think about what else you can do to show that you are similar to them, care about them and think they are important. On the flip side, when you are successful at building trust, in addition to feeling proud, you should take it as feedback that you are doing something right. Just make sure you are clear what it specifically was that led to your success.

Smile

Giving someone a genuine smile is a great way to put them at ease and to appear approachable and trustworthy. Practice smiling in front of a mirror to see if you are giving the best smile you can give (if you have never done this, go to a mirror or reflective surface and practice). In most situation where you are trying to build rapport, smile and do it often.

No matter what you are trying to achieve in life, gaining trust from other people will be an integral part of your success. I promise if you practice the techniques listed above, you will be able to build rapport with anyone.

The post How to Build Rapport with Anyone appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

If you believe selling is sleazy, please click here and read this article before reading on.

For those who truly believe salespeople can have integrity and still be great and want to start learning how to sell effectively, here is Lesson 1.

Before you even open your mouth, the first thing you want to do is think about ...

... the product or service you want to sell. Right?

WRONG!

Most people want to start with their product or service because that is what they created, know or want to sell. Starting with what you want to sell is one of the main reasons most people have a hard time selling.

The first thing you want to think about ...

... is your customer.

Who is it and what do they want? If you don't know, then your next step is to find out.

Only when you know what your customer wants, can you begin the selling process.

A great salesperson is not someone who can sell anything to anyone. A great salesperson is someone who finds out what the customer wants or needs, determines whether his product or service can fulfill that want or need and "sells" to the customer only if there is a match.

Your want to shift your mindset from one of a traditional salesperson to an assistant buyer. A great assistant buyer knows specifically what his client wants. That is the relationship you want.

So how do you find out what your potential customers want?

You just ask.

How do you get them to open up to you?

You need to do three things.

Build Rapport

Without trust, you won't get the answers to your key questions. Sometimes you may not even get the opportunity to ask any questions. If you want a refresher on building rapport, read How to Build Rapport with Anyone.

Ask the Right Questions

Once you have rapport, your purpose is to understand what your customer wants by asking the right questions.  So what are the right questions?

It depends.

The questions you ask will be dependent on the answers you get. Before you close out this window thinking you've just wasted your time, let me make it up to you by telling you this:

Different people have different motivations to buy.

Three people can buy the same SUV for different reasons: One buys it because it is safe. The second because it is on sale. The third because it looks good.

It is important to recognize this concept before I introduce the series of questions that will drill down to a person's motivation.

Question 1 - What do you want?  A new job.

Question 2 - Why do you want a new job? Because I want to to be challenged.

Question 3 - And why is being challenged important to you? Because I went to a good school and got a good education and I don't want it to go to waste. I want to be able to showcase my abilities.

Question 4 - And if you were able to showcase your abilities, how would that impact your life? I would be happier and I would be able to impress my boss and colleagues. I wouldn't have to feel so replaceable. 

Question 5 - What does it feel like to be replaceable? I worry about everything I am doing at work and I am suspicious of other people trying to make me look bad. I get paranoid and sometimes I don't get a good night's rest if my boss says he wants to meet with me. I always expect the worse.

Question 6 - What do you think will happen if this continues to go on? I'll probably have a bad relationship with my coworkers and perform badly at work from all the worrying and lack of sleep.

Question 7 - And how would that make you feel? Absolutely horrible. I want to be a nice person but it's hard to when you are competing with everyone. I don't want to get fired or a nervous breakdown. 

Question 8 - And you're telling me that your current job is preventing you from living the life you want. What is it worth to you to fix this problem and live the life you want? A lot

Now we still haven't mentioned the product or service but if you had a product or service that could help this person, what do you think will happen?

Listen Actively

To effectively ask the right questions and to capture the person's motivations, fears and frustrations, you need to let your potential customer talk and you need to listen because everything that is being said will help you decide whether your product or service is right for your prospect. You actively listen by asking more questions to clarify exactly what your prospect wants.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Now that you have a good idea of how to ask your prospect what they want. Practice building rapport and drilling deep with your prospects. Really internalize the method of questioning and remember to listen attentively and be curious and sensitive about what your prospect is and is not saying.

In Lesson 2, we'll cover what you're going to do with all this great information you got from applying Lesson 1.

The post How to Sell with Integrity – Lesson 1 – The First Thing to Think About appeared first on Embrace Possibility.