No one likes to be criticized.

Dale Carnegie, when giving advice on how to influence people and win friends, tells his readers that there is never a good time to criticize. As you may have already concluded, not everyone agrees with Dale.

I never liked criticism. It always triggered an automatic reaction in me that I didn't like. I would feel my heart beating faster and I immediately wanted to explain to or refute the critic. It wasn't until I realized what criticism really was or actually what it wasn't that I was able to control my emotions and stay calm in the face of even the most scathing criticisms.

Criticism is a judgment about something I did. The reason I was reacting negatively was because I perceived it as a judgment about who I am. Since I felt my self-worth was being attacked, I naturally went into a defensive stance to protect it and that was my mistake.

I now realize that:

Only I can decide my self-worth 

Self-worth is the value I place upon myself. I have not fundamentally changed just because I made a mistake and therefore

Criticism does NOT reflect who I am.

The great thing is that even if someone has the intention to attack you personally to try to lower your self-worth, they can't because your self-worth and esteem is controlled only by you. Having this knowledge has really changed the way I handle criticism, constructive or destructive.

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