"Don't worry. Be happy."

Just four words with two simple suggestions.

Yet, it's easier said than done.

Why is that?

Think about it for a few seconds before reading on.

"Don't worry. Be happy."

Did you come up with anything?

If not, don't worry. It's not an easy question.

One of the main reasons we find it hard to apply this simple phrase is because we're not really sure how to do it. How do we stop worrying? What does it mean to be happy? Should I smile?

If it is so difficult to apply, why do we nod our head in understanding and agreement when people tell us not to worry? Instead, we should look at our well-intentioned friend (or stranger) in the eye and ask sincerely, "How do I stop worrying?".

Of course, that question will likely be met with confused and concerned faces. Before you alarm anyone, perhaps you can glean some helpful tips from this article. Before we go into those tips, let's analyze what worrying really is.

Scenario: You have to give a big presentation tomorrow and you are worried that you will make a mistake and embarrass yourself.

When you worry, you basically do three things:

1. You mentally create a negative scenario of the future - you vividly imagine forgetting what you wanted to say and doing poorly on your presentation. You picture the audience on their phones or walking out of the room.
2. You convince yourself that this situation is possible - you truly believe that the mental image you just created can really happen.
3. You feel all the negative emotions as you anticipate the negative outcome - you feel anxiety and fear over what you believe you will experience in the future even though it hasn't happened.

Think of a situation that worries you and see if you go through the three steps outlined above. The reason worrying affects us so strongly is because:

Our mind cannot distinguish between something that we vividly imagined and our real experience.

Research has shown that our memories are merely reconstructions of our experience. When you imagine in detail a negative outcome, you feel the emotions associated with that outcome.

One effective way to deal with worrying is to ignore it altogether. Recognize it for what it is - a made-up belief that a negative scenario may happen and a replaying of that scenario in a way that evokes the negative emotions associated with it. Recognize that nothing has happened yet and there is no reason to respond and put yourself in a state of anxiety.

Having understood the components of worry, take it one step further, and harness the power of worry for good. Just change the formula by ...

Exchanging the negative future scenario for a positive future scenario.

So let's review what that means in terms of our scenario and the three steps:

1. You mentally create a POSITIVE scenario of the future - you vividly imagine performing exceptionally well on the presentation and getting both recognition and appreciation from your boss and peers.
2. You convince yourself that this situation is possible - you truly believe that the mental image you just created can really happen.
3. You feel all the positive emotions as you anticipate the positive outcome - you feel confidence and faith over what you believe you will experience in the future even though it hasn't happened.

There is nothing wrong with considering possible risks in the future. Scenario planning allows us to be proactive and create contingencies that can save us from danger. What is less helpful is spending your time and energy worrying and feeling the negative emotions associated with a potential future that hasn't happened yet.

The next time you find yourself worrying:

• Recognize immediately that the negative outcome has not happened and it is not more likely to happen than a positive outcome.
• Think of the best possible future outcome.
• Mentally rehearse the future outcome vividly.
• Allow yourself to feel the positive emotions associated with truly believing the positive future outcome is possible.

Here is an example of using this method if you are single and worried about finding someone:

1. Recognize that being alone for the rest of your life is just as likely to happen as finding someone.
2. Imagine finding the perfect partner and vividly rehearse this future outcome as if it was going to happen. What do you see? What do you hear? How do you feel?
3. Know that this positive future outcome is possible and allow yourself to feel the positive emotions that come from this realization.
4. Bonus: To bring your positive outcome to life, channel the positive emotions from this exercise to do something productive towards achieving your outcome. I would start by setting a proper goal to find the perfect partner.

We just covered the "Don't worry" part. How about "Be happy"?

That's a little easier. Smiling is a great start. Following your passion will keep it going.

If you enjoyed this article, share it with others. Let me know in the comment section if you were able to successfully worry in a good way.

The post How to Worry in a Good Way appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

...or at least as long it takes for you to read this article.

Anyway, let's not waste anymore time, we're on a tight schedule.

You're reading this article because there are times when you feel powerless. Maybe you feel powerless right now.

There are many possible reasons - you work for a boss that you hate but you just can't quit, you want to start a business but you just can't think of a great idea, you want to get married but you just can't seem to get a date, etc.

Powerless people have one thing in common - they love to use the word "can't". They've used it so often that they don't even notice it anymore but "can't" is a dangerous word.

When "can't" is used, all progress and creativity stops. You are declaring that there is no other solution and that's the way it's going to be.

What's interesting about "can't" is that it doesn't really mean anything on its own. It's merely a shortcut for three possible meanings:

I Don't Want to ...

"I can't go to the concert tonight." = "I don't want to go to the concert tonight, I would rather stay home and relax."

 

I Don't Know How ...

"I can't speak Russian." = "I don't know how to speak Russian."

 

I Don't Believe I Can ...

"I can't lose weight." = "Even though I know the method for losing weight and I want to lose it, I don't believe I can lose weight."

Before you read on, test this out. Think of a time when you used "can't" and see if it fits one of those three meanings.

Surprised?

I definitely was. I still remember how excited I was when I tested out the different times I used "can't" and realized it really did fit one of the three meanings.

From that point on, I became aware of my usage of "can't" and began replacing it with the real meaning. I use to think "I can't build my own website. I don't know anything about html or programming." but when I realized what I really meant was "I don't know how to build a website.", it made it clear why I wasn't where I want to be and that I can do something about it. I truly felt empowered. My website and blog are the results of this empowerment.

If you're not where you want to be, ask yourself why not? If your answer contains "can't", is it because you don't want to, you don't know how to or you don't believe you can.

If you don't want to, then that's fine because that's your choice.

If you don't know how, you can choose to learn.

The easiest one of the three to overcome is if you don't believe you can because all you have to do is change your belief which takes about one second and can be done without getting up from your chair.

There you have it with some time to spare. Remove "can't" from your vocabulary today and get ready to make some real progress in your goals and in your life by turning your dreams into possibilities.

Remember: There is really no such thing as "can't".

The post How to Empower Yourself Forever in 5 Minutes … appeared first on Embrace Possibility.