At the time, it sounded impossible and definitely not for me. I could barely swim a lap. I didn't run or cycle. Then I forgot about it entirely.

Eight years ago, a good friend talked me into going for a run. I was busy and I needed the exercise. I completed about one mile, in my basketball sneakers, and was winded.

Last month, I finished my first full Ironman.

How did I go from a one-mile run to an Ironman? I just didn't stop what I started. 

As we continued running, we naturally ran further. Then we decided to sign up with other friends for a half marathon, mostly for fun. Learning about structured running plans made a full marathon seem reasonable. Then a first triathlon, out of curiosity, and mainly to give my knees a break. None of it was planned, and each step turned out to be an extension of what I was already doing. By the time I signed up for an Ironman, it wasn't a leap. It was the next logical step.

What looks impossible from a distance is usually just a lot of small steps away. 

That's one of the lessons I learned, and there were others. Whatever you're in the middle of right now — a book, a business, a degree, a health change, a relationship you're trying to rebuild — I hope some of these are useful.

Start where you are, and give yourself a way to see progress.

We all have different starting points and limits. For me, it was running continuously for a mile. I didn't think about the mile as a smaller version of a bigger goal. It was the goal, and completing one mile well is what made more miles possible.

As I followed the training plan, each week of running slightly extended what my body could handle inside the same hour I already had. I wasn't finding more time — I was increasing my capacity and doing more with the same amount of time. That's the part people miss when they look at a big goal and do the math on their calendar. The constraint usually isn't the hours you have. It's what you can do with them — and that's trainable.

The mile also gave me something to track, and tracking it turned out to matter. My motivation didn't come from wanting it badly enough — it came from watching the number move. Three miles when two used to be hard. Finishing a mile in less time. Seeing that progress made me want to go out again, and going out again gave me more progress to see. Enthusiasm, for me, typically follows progress, and progress comes from getting started.

Which means you don't have to feel ready, and you don't have to want it enough yet. I certainly didn't. A friend asked, I said yes, and a mile was just where my body gave out. The starting point doesn't need to be the right one, only an honest one — whatever you can actually do today, rather than what you feel should be within reach.

The trap is comparing where you are to where you'd like to end up, deciding the gap is ridiculous, and never starting. The better question isn't how do I get from here to there? It's what's the thing in front of me that starts the compounding? Then do it long enough that it stops being a decision you have to make.

Work with how you're wired, and know what you can't teach yourself.

One thing I figured out over these eight years: signing up for a race is what makes me focus.

I noticed it by seeing the opposite. In the stretches when I had nothing on the calendar, training was easy to push off. And when I did train, it wasn't really training — I'd go to the gym and do roughly what I'd done the week before, which feels productive and gets you nowhere in particular. Once I'm signed up and there's a specific date, that changes. The plan for each week becomes clear. With only a limited number of Saturdays, Saturday's long ride has a job to do.

But deadlines work for me. They might do nothing for you. I know plenty of people who get stressed out by deadlines. Figure out what works for you — maybe it's telling someone you don't want to disappoint, or taking on the challenge with a friend. There's no right answer here, and that's the point. The mistake is borrowing someone else's method, watching it fail to take, and concluding you're not the kind of person who can do these things.

So look at your own evidence first. Think of two or three things where you had strong follow through. What was in place? A deadline? A person? A group? Money on the line? Real curiosity? Whatever shows up more than once is your lever, and you can use it on purpose instead of hoping it turns up again by accident.

Knowing your lever gets you moving. It won't tell you what to do once you're moving, and that's a different problem.

The clearest example for me was swimming. When I signed up for my first triathlon, I could barely get across one length of a pool without being completely exhausted. The date on the calendar is what made me deal with that rather than hope it would sort itself out, and it pushed me to get some swimming coaching.

I learned that the difference wasn't fitness. It was technique. I'd assumed I was a bad swimmer because I wasn't strong enough in the water, when really I just didn't know how to move through it efficiently. You can't solve that by kicking harder. I could have practiced swimming poorly for years, gotten more tired, and taken it as proof I wasn't built for swimming. What I needed wasn't more effort. It was someone who could see what I was doing and tell me what to change — which is the part you can't do for yourself, no matter how motivated you are.

If you're in the same spot with swimming, I'd recommend the Total Immersion approach; it completely changed how I thought about moving through water.

Do what you want, not what you like.

I like sleeping in. I like fries at lunch. I like almost anything more than waking up at 5am for a long bike ride. Those are things I like. Finishing an Ironman without being destroyed was something I wanted. So I got up.

Nearly every training day came down to a contest between something I liked and something I wanted, and the thing I liked was always more comfortable and more convenient. What helped me was naming which one I was reaching for — only one of them moved me closer to a strong finish.

But the thing I was really practicing wasn't discipline. It was getting my mind to take direction from me rather than the other way around. My mind produced excellent arguments: you're tired, you deserve a break, one day won't matter, you'll double up tomorrow. They're persuasive because they're built by someone who knows exactly what you'll fall for. The skill is being able to hear all of it and still do the thing you decided.

The workout was rarely the hard part. The hard part was the twenty minutes beforehand, going back and forth over whether today counted. The debate you have with yourself is expensive. It burns the same energy you were about to spend, and you usually end up training anyway, just later and in a worse mood. At some point, I learned to recognize when I was negotiating with myself and practiced short circuiting that conversation.

Showing up isn't the same as going hard, though. Being tired is real information — it's just information about how to train, not whether to. Some days that meant an easy effort instead of the planned one. Some days it meant resting on purpose, as part of the plan, rather than as the result of losing an argument with myself.

None of this is about proving your worth by how much you can push through — taken too far, that's just self-punishment, and it can do real damage. The point is narrower. You want to be someone whose own decisions get carried out. There's a real difference between intending to do something and committing to it, and the gap between those two is where most goals quietly die. Close it enough times and you start to trust yourself — which is worth more than any single thing you finish.

The cost shows up before the benefit does.

There were months when I felt slower than I'd been a few weeks earlier and quietly wondered whether I was training wrong, or whether I just wasn't built for this distance. My confidence dipped right when I was putting in the most work.

Here's what I learned: training doesn't make you stronger. Training makes you tired. You get stronger afterward, while you recover, if you give it enough rest and food and time. So the weeks where I felt the worst were often the weeks I was working hardest. You pay the cost before the benefit shows up, and the benefit tends to arrive around the time you've stopped paying attention.

Knowing that didn't make those months feel better. But it changed what I concluded from them, which turned out to matter more. Feeling slow stopped being evidence about me and started being information about where I was in the cycle.

I'd like to say I could always tell the difference between a rough stretch and something actually being wrong. Mostly I couldn't. What helped was having a plan I trusted and people I could ask, so the question didn't have to be settled by whatever I happened to feel that week.

So if you're struggling with something that matters, that isn't necessarily evidence you chose wrong. More often it means you're working at the edge of what you can currently do. That's uncomfortable by design, and it's the only way capacity grows.

Find a pace you can hold, and the fuel to hold it.

For most of the eight years, I thought about training almost entirely in terms of fitness. Get stronger, build the aerobic base, log the miles. Pacing and fueling barely registered — they sounded like details you'd sort out later, once the real work was done.

That's fine for a half-marathon and even a half-Ironman. At Ironman distance it falls apart, and a coach at my local triathlon club was blunt about why. The day is long enough that you can be genuinely fit and still not finish. You go out at a pace that feels easy. You don't eat enough in the first few hours because you don't feel like you need it. Then somewhere on the run you run out of gas — not tired, empty — and once you're there, no amount of fitness or willpower gets you back.

I saw it on the course. People who passed me climbing a hill, clearly stronger riders than I was, lying on the side of the road thirty miles later.

So he taught me to hold an effort that feels too easy for the first several hours, and to eat and hydrate on a schedule rather than by appetite. Both feel wrong at the time. Both are the reason I was still moving at hour thirteen.

I think about this constantly now as I pursue other ambitious projects. For anyone in the middle of something long, what sinks people is rarely a lack of capability or effort. It's not going the distance — starting too hard and having nothing left before the thing is done.

So it's worth asking: is your current pace one you can sustain for what you're actually pursuing? And what's refueling you along the way? For some it's sleep. For others, supportive relationships, or unstructured time.

Pacing and fueling matter more if you're going a long way, and taking that seriously changed the question I ask myself. It's no longer how much can I get done this week. It's what capacity am I building over the next few years.

Learn to relax when things go wrong.

For most people, the first time you do the Ironman is the first time you do the full distance. I swam, biked, and ran a lot, but I'd never done all three back to back at that distance. So a good part of race day was going to be things I hadn't experienced before, and no amount of preparation was going to change that.

It started early. I took a foot to the head during the swim, which happens in a mass start and still comes as a surprise.

I'd also come into the race with a strained hamstring, which changed the plan before it started. I rode the bike conservatively and stopped more than I'd wanted to, not because I was tired but because I wasn't sure the leg would hold.

It held. By the time I started the run I felt good. The hamstring was tight but fine, I had enough in the tank, and for the first time all day I thought I was going to finish comfortably.

Then, about halfway through the marathon, I felt a sharp pain in my right knee.

I stopped. I walked. I started doing the math on the cutoff, trying to work out whether walking thirteen miles would get me in before midnight, and whether running on the knee would do real damage. I didn't have good answers to either. I also wasn't sure whether the leg would simply stop working and take walking off the table too.

What got me moving wasn't resolve. It was something smaller: I dropped my shoulders, slowed my breathing, and accepted that my knee was going to hurt. Then I took a step, and another, and tried a few different paces until I found one it would tolerate. Nothing about the situation changed. The knee hurt for the rest of the race. But I could keep going, which was the best thing I could hope for.

When something goes wrong, relaxing rarely feels like an option. It feels like the opposite of what the moment calls for — you want to do something, fix it, take action. Tensing up at least feels like a response. But most of that energy goes into the reaction rather than the problem, and on a long day, energy is the thing you have least of.

The specific problem you'll face is one you probably haven't rehearsed. What you can rehearse is how you meet it — and it's worth practicing when the stakes are low. The delayed flight, the email you didn't want, the plan that falls through, the bad weather. Those are chances to notice the tightening and let it go before it costs you anything.

The rest of that marathon was stop, walk, run, and repeat, with the crowd's encouragement and adrenaline carrying me for most of the way. I finished, and finished stronger than I expected to given the knee. Seeing my family at the line was the best part of the day. Unfortunately for them, they had to help me walk my bike and carry my gear back to the hotel, which tells you something about how strong the finish actually was.

Snap back to the moment.

Lake Placid is a beautiful course — too bad I spent long stretches of it in my head.

I'd look at my watch at mile 85 and wish it said 110. I'd replay the fries I'd eaten the day before and blame them for my stomach issues. I'd wonder whether the hotel exercise bike I'd used on vacation the week before explained the pain in my knee.

And here's what I noticed: the more I did that, the longer the day got. Time crawled whenever I was thinking about where I wanted to be instead of just being in it. When I was actually in it — the road, the effort, the lake off to my right — time moved. I'd felt the same thing during training. Whenever I focused on how much was left, it felt like a burden. When I came back to the thing I was doing, the hour just passed.

Staying present sounds easy. It isn't. What helped was asking myself a question, over and over: What am I doing right now? Running. Toward the finish. That's it.

What surprised me wasn't that things went better when I was present. It was how rarely I noticed I'd left. The tell for me is a heaviness that doesn't match what I'm actually doing. Catching that, and coming back, is what I'm practicing daily.

It's on you, and it's a team effort.

Nobody could do my training for me. Not my family, not a coach, not a well-built plan. If I didn't get out the door, nothing happened. On race day, I was the one at the start line and the one crossing the finish. It's easy to look at that and think you did it all yourself.

Triathlon looks like an individual sport, and it turned out not to be one. Almost none of the eight years happened without other people in them.

My family gave up weekends so I could disappear on long training days, and nobody made that an argument. Friends helped me pick out a bike and rode some of the long ones with me, which is the only reason a few of them happened at all. The coaches who fixed my stroke and drilled me on fueling prevented me from hitting the wall mid-race. And on race day there were volunteers who'd signed up to spend their Sunday helping strangers. One of them peeled the wetsuit off me after the swim, which would otherwise have cost me several graceless minutes and a good deal of composure.

None of that was help I went looking for. Most of it I didn't ask for and some of it I didn't notice at the time. But it's the reason the whole thing worked, and it's changed how I think about my own effort. Since then I've started looking back at other things I've finished and counting the people who contributed. There are always more than I would have guessed.

Challenge the story you're telling yourself.

I opened with what I said when I first heard what an Ironman involved: not for me. I wasn't weighing it and deciding against it. I'd dismissed it immediately.

That's usually what stops us. Not the difficulty of the thing — a quiet belief about ourselves that closes the question early. I'm not athletic. I'm not a writer. I'm too old to start. I'm not that disciplined. Those feel like observations. Mostly they're claims we've never actually checked.

I'd believed a version of this about age, too. I assumed my peak years were a decade or two behind me and that everything from here was a slow decline. But I'm a better swimmer, cyclist, and runner now than I've ever been, and I got there well into my forties. Not faster — better. Skill doesn't seem to decline on the same schedule as speed, and I hadn't considered that.

Natalie Grabow didn't learn to swim until she was 59. At 80, she finished the Ironman World Championship in Kona, the oldest woman ever to do it. What I find striking isn't the finish. It's that at 59 she must have had every reason to think swimming was something for other people, and she went and learned anyway. Almost nobody who finishes a hard thing had a special starting point.

I'm not sure any of us fully knows what we're capable of. What I am sure of is that most of the limits I've assumed about myself were never tested — they were just sentences I'd accepted at some point and stopped questioning.

It's worth asking what you've already ruled out, and whether you've ever tested it.

One last thing

Rather than asking what you'd like to accomplish, here's a question I think is more useful:

What are you already doing that's worth continuing?

I didn't set out to do any of this. I went running with a friend and kept going. Somewhere in your life there's probably something you do inconsistently, don't take very seriously, and would be glad to still be doing in eight years. Protecting that is probably worth more than anything new you could add.

The first step is usually smaller and less impressive than you'd expect. Mine was a mile, and it left me winded.

Finally, none of these lessons showed up during the race. They showed up afterward, when I sat down and asked what had actually gotten me there. That's been true every time — after my first book, after my second, and after paying close attention to someone worth learning from, like William Zinsser. The experience by itself doesn't teach you much. Reflecting on it is what turns one into the other.

So whatever you've finished recently — a project, a hard season, something that didn't go the way you wanted — give it an hour and a blank page. Ask what you'd tell someone who was about to do the same thing. You'll know more than you think you do.

The post Lessons Learned Going From One Mile to an Ironman appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

When I first started drafting materials for Vana Lab — the website copy, the program descriptions, the outreach emails — I shared them constantly with people I trusted. I’d tell them, “I’d love your feedback.”

And they gave great feedback.
Smart, thoughtful, genuinely helpful.

But if I’m honest, part of me wasn’t just listening for improvement.
I was listening for approval.

I wanted the reassuring lines:

• “This looks great.”
• “You’re on the right track.”
• “You’re onto something special.”

What I was really seeking was permission to continue. And in a subtle way, I was also outsourcing accountability: If this doesn’t work, look at all the people who thought it would. It felt safer that way and it tricked me into thinking I needed someone else’s blessing before I could proceed.

Here’s the insight I’m taking with me into the new year:

Take the feedback — and then make your own decision.
Feedback is data.
Validation is optional.
Choice is always yours.

And even better:

You don’t always need validation.
But you always benefit from feedback.

Validation offers momentary comfort.
Feedback creates long-term improvement.

Understanding that difference made the whole process of building Vana Lab lighter and far less emotionally tangled. Instead of being stalled mulling feedback and debating whether I should move forward or not, I could take action to move forward.

Why We Keep Seeking Validation We Don’t Need

We all seek validation — not because we’re weak, but because reassurance feels good. It calms uncertainty. It tells us we’re “okay.”

But validation is comfort, not guidance.

Validation says: “You’re fine.”
Feedback says: “Here’s how this can be stronger.”

One soothes.
One sharpens.

When we rely on validation to make decisions, we end up:

• moving slower
• doubting our instincts
• taking neutral feedback personally
• waiting for permission no one can actually give us
• outsourcing decisions that ultimately belong to us

Unnecessary validation doesn’t make you safer.
It makes you more fragile.

Feedback helps the work improve.
Validation helps you feel better for a moment.

Only one of those leads to growth.

Six Ways to Trust Yourself More (and Depend on Validation Less)

Here are practical steps I found helpful:

1. Before seeking input, ask: “Do I want reassurance or improvement?”

Most of us never pause to identify which one we’re seeking.

If you want reassurance, say so.
If you want improvement, expect honesty.

Clarity protects your emotions.

2. Treat feedback as data, not direction

When you receive feedback, respond with:
“Thank you — let me sit with that.”

It stops defensiveness while allowing you time to decide what you want to do with the feedback.

3. Build a simple self-validation habit

If you validate yourself even a little, you stop hunting for it everywhere else.

Each evening, ask:

• What went well today?

• What effort am I proud of?

• What did I learn?

Internal validation reduces the desperation for external approval.

4. Separate the work from your identity

“This needs improvement” does not mean “You’re not good enough.”

Feedback targets the work, not your worth.

5. Do small “discomfort reps”

Gradually increase your tolerance for feedback without validation:

• send a draft sooner

• ask one trusted person instead of ten

• publish something without waiting for approval

Each small rep builds independence.

6. Choose your “trusted few”

Not every voice deserves equal weight.

Pick 3–5 people whose feedback is grounded, honest, and aligned with your values. — your own “challenge network,” as Adam Grant calls it.

Let their voices matter.

Let everyone else fade into background noise.

The less I rely on validation, the clearer I think and the more confidently I move. People also give better feedback when they no longer feel pressure to protect your feelings.

Instead of asking people whether they like something, I'm focusing on what I'm learning — and moving forward with what feels meaningful for me to pursue, in the way I want to pursue it.

As I look to next year, I'm taking to heart that my decisions - the ones that matter most - belong to me. 

As we close out the year, here’s a question worth sitting with:

Where are you waiting for validation you don’t actually need — and what might happen if you moved forward anyway?

If you’re a parent looking for quick tips on helping your child build success habits, you might enjoy the Vana Lab Insights YouTube channel. No validation required — just ideas to support your child’s growth.

The post Why We Seek Validation We Don’t Need — And What To Do Instead appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

First and foremost, it's important to understand that regret is a natural part of the human experience. Research has shown that we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did do. This makes sense when you consider that, as humans, we are wired to seek out new experiences and take risks. When we don't take those risks, we can feel like we've missed out on something important.

If you're struggling with regret over something you did, the first step is to try to undo it or make amends. Apologizing and taking steps to repair the situation can be a powerful way to start the process of moving past your regret. If that's not possible, try reframing the situation. Instead of saying, "If only I didn't do..." use "At least..." and focus on how the situation didn't turn out worse or an unexpected positive outcome.

For example, let's say you regret picking a major in Chemistry in college. Instead of dwelling on the "if only" statements, try reframing them with an "at least" statement. "At least it's differentiated me from my peers in the training and coaching industry" or "At least I didn't go to grad school for chemistry."

A common source of regret is things left unsaid. We may wish we had spoken up in a certain situation, or that we had expressed our feelings more clearly to someone. In these cases, it's often possible to undo the regret by taking action. If we feel like we missed an opportunity to say something important, we can try to reach out to the person and express ourselves now.

Another powerful tool for dealing with regret is self-disclosure. Talking to someone you trust about your regret can be a great way to acknowledge and process your feelings. Alternatively, you can write about your regret in a private journal. This can help you gain perspective and move past the regret.

Self-compassion is another important tool for dealing with regret. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who was going through a difficult time. What would you say to them? Use those same words to comfort and support yourself. This can help normalize and neutralize your feelings of regret, making them feel less overwhelming.

Finally, it's important to learn from your regrets. What did you learn from the situation? What can you take away from it that will help you in the future? Regret can be a powerful teacher if you allow it to be. Reflect on your experience and use what you've learned to make better decisions in the future. When it comes to future decisions, we can try to anticipate regret by considering what our values and goals are. Research suggests that there are four core regrets that people tend to have: not building a solid foundation for the future, not taking sensible risks, not doing the right thing, and not connecting with others. By keeping these regrets in mind, we can try to make decisions that align with our values and minimize the likelihood of future regret.

Of course, the best way to deal with regret is to avoid it in the first place. This is easier said than done, of course, but there are some strategies you can use to help minimize the likelihood of regretting your decisions. Daniel Pink, in his book "The Power of Regret," suggests that we "satsifice" on most decisions, especially if we're not dealing with one of the four core regrets. Essentially, this means we should aim for good enough instead of perfect for decisions that won't have a huge impact on our lives.

On the other hand, for crucial decisions that fall under the four core regrets, we should maximize our efforts. Project yourself into the future and ask yourself what will help you build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, do the right thing, or connect with others. This can help you make decisions that align with your values and decrease the chances of regret in the future.

Regret shows us what we care about and helps us grow. So don't beat yourself up too much about it. Acknowledge the regret, practice self-compassion, and use it as a learning experience for the future.

Photo by Kenny Eliason

The post Practical Tips for Dealing with Regret appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

Conscious Business: How to Build Value Through Values

• Published: October 2013
• ISBN-10: 1622032020
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (must read)

EP Main Takeaway: The larger purpose of business or any competitve activity is not to gain material wealth or success "but to serve as a theater for self-knowledge, self-actualization, and self-transcendence." Business happens when two parties can exchange goods and services where both parties are better off. To succeed, you want to continuously enhance your ability to serve others while "taking a stand for your values and interacting with others authentically, constructively, and impeccably."

"Self-actualization is best supported through expressions of responsibility, autonomy, and essential integrity: a commitment to a meaningful purpose that goes beyond the immediate gratification of selfish desires and embraces others in service... main task of a conscious business is to help people succeed (accomplish their mission) while they develop healthy relationships (belong to a community) and experience an unconditional sense of peace, happiness, and growth (actualize and transcend the self)."

The post Conscious Business by Fred Kofman appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

Extreme Ownership: How U.S Navy Seals Lead and Win

• Published: November 2017
• ISBN-10: 1250183866
• EP Rating: 4 out of 5 (worth picking up)

EP Main Takeaway: To be a leader, you need a team that's willing to follow you. As the leader, you're always responsible. If your team is not committed or if you don't accomplish the mission, you have to own those failures. To lead well, you have to be decisive under uncertainty. When you're overwhelmed, stop and assess, prioritize, and execute. Understand that discipline equals freedom and you don't need to prove yourself but you do need to lead by example.

The post Extreme Ownership by Jocko Willink appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Maybe you're one of these people and you're not sure why you don't get things done.

Maybe you deal with these people and they drive you crazy.

Maybe you do get things done but you want to get more things done.

No matter what the situation, it is worth understanding the most common reasons things don't get done.

So ... why don't people get things done?

Not Sure What to Do

One of the main reasons is because they are not sure what to do. They've been assigned a task at work or they want to accomplish a personal goal but they don't do it because they don't know how. People in this group are paralyzed because they either:

• have no idea what to do or where to start
• have so many options and are frozen by the fear of choosing the wrong one.

If you are in this situation, I highly recommend that you stop trying to guess and ask someone, who has already accomplished what you want, how he/she achieved it. If possible, choose someone who has similar values and beliefs to you so you are more likely to resonate with their course of action. Once you have a better picture of how to do what you want to get done, start right away.

No Deadline

If you want to make sure you procrastinate on your next project, don't set a definitive deadline. Just tell yourself you want to accomplish X in the vague future and leave it at that. You'll quickly find that when there is no deadline, it's easy to let other activities or projects, usually the easier ones, skip in line regardless of their importance. Also, you'll find that Cyril Northcote Parkinson, a British scholar, was right when he said:

"Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion."

- also known as Parkinson's Law

This is why you can get so much done right before you go on vacation. When you set a vacation date, you've given yourself a deadline to finish all the tasks you need to do before you go. If you give yourself a lot of time to complete something, you'll end up taking all that time despite being able to do it faster. Your boss at work knows this and that is why he/she gives you such tight deadlines.

Are you taking advantage of Parkinson's law?

Do you set firm deadlines for your own personal or professional goals?

If not, set one today.

Unclear of What Final Outcome Looks Like

People don't get things done because they don't know what "done" looks like. They keep doing and doing but they don't know when to stop.

For the things you want to get done, what does done look like?

How will you know that  you've accomplished it?

What will you see?

How will you feel?

What sounds will you hear?

Take time to paint a vivid picture of "done"

Not Held Accountable

Getting things done is not easy. It's even harder when you are doing it all by yourself. We have the incredible gift of being able to talk ourselves out of doing difficult and effortful tasks. So what's the difference between the times we actually do the difficult work and the times we talk ourselves out of it?

For me, I find that I do hard, effortful work when someone else is counting on it being done.

People who usually "motivate" me to do hard work are my clients, the readers of my blog, my friends and my family.

I would never wake up on my own to go running at 6 am in the morning but if I know my friend is going to be waiting outside, I get out of bed no matter how cold, dark, wet it is outside.

Who is counting on you?

If you're not getting things done, set up situations where people are counting on you to do what you say. If no one is counting on you, it becomes much easier to wait until tomorrow or when you have more energy. I recommend finding an accountability partner who will check in on you to make sure you are getting things done. The beauty of this setup is that you're counting on each other to make sure you keep this partnership going.

Don't See the Consequences

"You're fired."

That's a clear consequence of not getting things done at work.

How about in your personal life?

What are the consequences if you don't get things done in your personal life?

A divorce?

A heart attack?

A big debt?

These are all serious consequences but for some reason when it comes to our personal lives, we become blind to the consequences until it's too late.

• Not fixing the roof doesn't seem like a big deal until a big storm hits and your ceiling caves in
• Being too lazy to go to the gym for some exercise seem justifiable when it's raining outside until you are 70 pounds overweight and feel horrible about yourself
• Staying at a dead-end job that pays well may seem comfortable at the moment until you get laid off and find that you'll have to take a 50% pay cut because you haven't worked on any useful skills for other employers

No matter what we do or don't do, there are consequences.

Remember this the next time you want to put something off.

If you want to get something done, make sure you:

• know what to do
• have a firm deadline for getting it done
• know exactly what "done" looks, sounds and feels like
• have someone counting on you to get it done
• understand the negative consequences of not getting it done and the positive consequences of getting it done

Good luck!

The post Top 5 Reasons Why People Don’t Get Things Done appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

...finally done. (sighs with relief)

Time to get some rest.

Next time I'm going to start earlier so I don't have to go through this again.

(goes to sleep for the next 2 days)

This was me before every major deadline.

Although I haven't missed a deadline yet (knock on wood), I recognize that waiting until the last-minute is not the optimum strategy to do my best work.

Despite this awareness, I struggle with procrastination.

Maybe I feel that I do my best work under pressure or I'm just inclined to put things off but to be more effective, I need a real solution. The great thing is that to solve this problem, the WHYs don't matter too much because we can speculate all day about why and get nowhere. It is the HOWs for dealing with and getting over procrastination that is way more valuable.

Since then, I've found and adopted some practical strategies that really work and I am reaping the benefits of getting things done early. Here are some of those benefits:

Less stress and overwhelm to try to finish right before the deadline

Accomplishing more and opening up more opportunities

Having guilt free fun - no more thinking about the project I should be working on

 More sleep (still not enough but I'm working on it).

I wonder if you are reading this article to procrastinate from what you really have to do.

If you are, I'm going to make it worth your while.

So how do you stop procrastinating?

1. Break Down Goals

The method: This is really Part 1 of a powerful two step process. In this step, you break down your goal into the smallest possible unit - the daily task. This way you ensure that EVERY DAY you are doing something towards achieving your goal.

Example: If the goal is to write a book, the first step would be to break down the writing of a book into its components: research, outline, write and edit. Then take the first part, research, and break that down into smaller units: identify and read key books then organize information for outline. This continues until a clear daily task like researching online for the top 10 books for self-improvement or reading 30 pages of Do More Great Work is defined.

Why this works: Even though the WHYs are not important for implementing these tips, I thought it would be interesting to provide some analysis. I couldn't believe how effective this method was. I don't always procrastinate but I do tend to procrastinate when I feel the project is overwhelming or when I don't clearly know what I should do. I delayed starting because I always felt that I wouldn't have enough time. Breaking the goal down into daily tasks makes the goal more manageable and knowing exactly what to do allows me to take immediate action.

2. Set Deadlines that Form a Timeline

The method: The second part of the two-step process is to set a deadline. Once your goal is broken down into specific daily tasks, set a deadline everyday to finish your daily task. With well-defined daily deadlines, you will also end up with a comprehensive timeline for completion of major components of your goal. Just do your daily task and before you know it, you'll have accomplished what you set out to do.

Example: Everyday I will read 30 pages a day of the book I am researching. At this pace, I will be finished with this book in 10 days.

Why this works: I've found that the longer my deadline, the longer it takes me to finish something. I am extremely productive right before a deadline and this method's effectiveness lies in replicating that urgency through tight daily deadline. So far I haven't experienced any laziness to the self-imposed nature of the deadline.

3. Carve Out a Specific Time of the Day

The method: With your daily tasks, set aside a specific time of the day where you will work on completing your assigned daily task. This should ideally be the same time every day and this "appointment" with yourself should only be violated for emergency circumstances only.

Example: Everyday I will read 30 pages of the book I am researching from 7:00am-8:30am.

Why this works: When you set an inviolable time to do something and you do it during that time for an extended period, you build a habit. Habits are automatic which means no more internal negotiation where you waste energy debating with yourself about doing it.  Your energy can be directed into actually getting the task done.

4. Use the (Modified) Pomodoro

The method: Once you've carved out a specific time of the day, it's time to Pomodoro. The idea is to set a timer and work on only the assigned task during that time. Any to do's that pop into your head gets written down on a notepad for review after the timer goes off. I have found this to be highly effective for focus. I set 45 minute intervals (the official Pomodoro website recommends 25 minutes) then I take breaks. Reward yourself after each extended time period.

Example: When you are reading your book at 7am, set a timer for 30 minutes and do nothing but read until the timer goes off. Any stray thoughts are written down and reviewed after the time is up.

Why this works: This technique works because it forces you to focus on only one task (much like using meditation to tame your mind). You write down any stray ideas so your mind doesn't have to remember it which keeps its working memory free to help you focus. If you ever want to see how productive you are without focus, just record yourself or observe someone else through a typical day. You'll be surprised how many times and how easy it is to get distracted all day.

5. Make it Hard to Procrastinate

The method: Remove all distractions. If you don't need it to achieve your goal, then turn it off. If you find that you have a hard time finding things, it is time to set up an organizational system for putting everything you need in a specific place.

Example: When you are reading your book, turn off your phone, tv, radio, internet, etc.

Why this works: In college, I've found that I tend clean up my desk and computer files right before a big exam. If there is something else that is easier to do than your daily task, you're going to end up doing what's easy and rationalize it. When you remove these distractions, you've made it harder to procrastinate.

6. Clarify WHY YOU're Doing It

The method: Ask yourself one question in two ways.

WHY are you doing it?

Efficient does not equal effective. Is what you are setting daily tasks to do worth doing? If you don't know, then procrastinating is a very good option. Make sure you understand the importance of what you are trying to do and know clearly the outcome that you want. Remember that what is important is decided by you and no one else.

Why are YOU doing it?

If you've decided that it is worthwhile to pursue goal, the next question you need to ask yourself is if you are really the best person to do this job? Are you skilled enough to do it? What is your desired outcome (question 1) and does it matter if you need to be the one doing all the work to achieve it? A good rule is to focus on doing what you're good at and delegating the rest. Always keep in mind what your outcome is.

Example: WHY are you writing this book? It's a lifelong dream and it helps me build credibility for my business. Why are YOU writing this book? I enjoy writing and I want the book to be written in my style of writing.

Why this works: It is easy to wait when you're not sure why you're doing something. No one likes to waste time so it is important to often remind ourselves why we are doing what we are doing. Doing tasks without a purpose really drains your energy.

Another reason we procrastinate is because we dread the task ahead of us. If that is the case and you know WHY you're doing it, can you outsource it to someone who can do it better than you which allows you to focus on the skills you do enjoy using.

7. Just Start Now

The method: Forget whatever reason is holding you back and just start.

I know I know...

If you could do that, you wouldn't be reading this article.

Well, this is specifically for people waiting for the perfect moment before they act. Runners who need running shoes to come in before they start training for the marathon. Coaches who need their websites up and running before they start talking about their practice. Writers who need their new Macbook to come in before they begin writing.

I've been guilty of all three.

Example: Instead of getting ready and reading 10 books on how to write a book, you sit down in a chair and start writing.

Why this works: The best medicine for stress and overwhelm is to get up and do something to decrease the ever-growing pile of to-do's ahead of you. If you have a seemingly insurmountable pile of things to do, I recommend grouping together tasks on your to-do list and creating overarching outcomes. I learned this from a Tony Robbin's video and I find it is an excellent way to drastically cut down the "real" things you are trying to accomplish making it easier to choose the most impactful tasks and being comfortable not doing the less impactful.

8. Get Accountability

The method: Find someone you trust to keep you accountable and check in with them regularly. This can be a friend, family member, colleague, coach, stranger and even an online community.

Example: You send your accountability buddy an email everyday letting that person know that you've finished your daily task for the day.

Why this works: It's easy to make bargains with ourselves and rationalize why we didn't complete our daily tasks. When you have someone keeping you accountable, you feel compelled to not let that person down. This is the main reason learners who have a professional teacher or guide will usually learn faster than people who learn on their own. If you don't have

Whatever you're procrastinating to do, apply these practical methods and test for yourself their effectiveness. Don't wait till tomorrow, try these methods now.

"Nothing is more fatiguing as the eternal hanging on of an uncompleted task."

William James

The post The 8 Most Practical Ways to Stop Procrastinating appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Now that you have your specific goal that is relevant to your passion, stated in the positive with a definite deadline and written in a place where it is visible every day, it's time to develop a plan of action.

Here are the steps for creating an effective plan to achieve your goals:

Step 1 - Mind the Gap

Pardon the pun but the first step for turning your dreams into reality is to understand your current situation and the gap between where you are and where you want to be. During this step you want to explore and brainstorm all the different possible paths that go from where you are now to your destination.

Example: If my goal is to be healthy by losing 20 lbs in 3 months, there are many ways I can go about it. I can choose any one of the countless weight-loss methods out there (Weight Watchers, Slim-Fast, etc.), hire a personal trainer and nutritionist or decide to create a custom regimen based on my research from the internet.

Step 2 - Choose the Best Path (for You)

In most cases, it is not possible nor is it efficient to try all the different ways to achieve your goal so you need to choose one method. Your choice will depend on your resources (time, money, environment, etc.) and the nature of your goal. My general advice is to choose the path that will give you the best "bang for the buck" (most benefit with the least effort).

Example: If money is an issue, hiring a personal trainer will be out of the questions and I will most likely create a custom diet and exercise program based on my research done on the internet and through books borrowed from the library.

Step 3 - Create Daily Milestones

Now that a path has been decided, it is necessary to break down your goal into smaller chunks. What will you do on a monthly, weekly and daily basis to achieve your goal? The key is to clearly define what you will do every day to get closer to your goal.

Another benefit to breaking down our goal into smaller pieces is that we can test the feasibility of our deadline. If after breaking down our goal into daily tasks, we find that it is too difficult to consistently do on a daily basis, it may be better to extend the deadline date. If the timeline is feasible, then we know by doing the defined daily action, we will achieve our goal. Of course, unexpected things will happen so it is important to factor in some "extra" time just in case.

One thing to keep in mind when breaking down your large goal into smaller ones is that the proper goal setting rules apply for both the large goal and the smaller goals.

Example: If I decide that I will create a custom diet and exercise routine for myself to lose 20 lbs in 3 months, I will break down those 3 months first into weekly tasks. Week 1 may be to research and create an exercise and nutrition plan. Week 2 may be to start plan and track results every 3 days. Then I will further break down my weekly tasks into daily tasks. I may plan that on Day 1 of Week 1, I will research effective exercise routines that I can do at home. Day 2 of Week 1 may be to learn more about diet and weight loss from the internet. I will continue to break down all the bigger weekly tasks into smaller daily ones which include the days I will rest.

Step 4 - Review and Finalize Plan

Once you've broken down your goal into daily milestones, review your plan to make sure you can sustain it by considering possible obstacles. Once you've factored in ways to handle unexpected difficulties, you are ready to finalize the plan. The plan does not have to be perfect at this time and it will most likely change as you execute the plan. The important thing is to remember to be flexible, one of the 30 Qualities that Make Ordinary People Extraordinary.

Example: I've finished breaking down my goal to lose 20 lbs into my daily tasks for the next three months and I review the plan to make sure that each daily task is achievable and that the plan is flexible enough to handle unexpected distractions such as working late (no time to exercise) or going to group celebrations (high risk of overeating).

Most people begin to execute their plan after finishing Step 4 and there is nothing wrong with that but there is one thing you can do that can dramatically increase your chances for success. If you want to make sure you achieve your goal, I highly recommend that you include step 5.

Step 5 - Design an Accountability System

When you have a well-formed goal and a thorough plan, all you need to do is follow through. Unfortunately, following through is one of the toughest parts of achieving your goal. Think of all the obese people in America who want to lose weight, have all the knowledge and resources to do so but yet still remain obese.

Most people find ways to keep themselves accountable only after they've failed to execute their plan. Why wait until you are in trouble? Why not build accountability into your plan?

So how do you do that?

Here are three ways to build accountability:

1. Write down your daily tasks on a calendar and review the calendar daily to make sure you have finished your task.
2. Find an accountability partner or support group that you can announce your goal to and ask for their help to keep you accountable on a daily basis.
3. Put your money where your mouth is and create a Commitment Contract on StickK where you place a monetary wager on your own success. If you lose, the money goes to charity. You can even set it to go to a charity that you dislike to further motivate you.

So if you all read the first article in this series, you should all have your own properly set goal. Let's apply what you learned in this article to that goal.

1. Assess your current situation and explore the different ways you can achieve your specific goal.

2. Choose the method that best fits your resources and situation.

3. Break down your goal into daily tasks. Start with what you want to achieve each month leading up to your desired goal. Then break up those monthly milestones into weekly goals which you will then breakdown into daily tasks.

4. Review and make sure you have taken into account things that may go wrong when you execute your plan and to factor in a contingency plan for those situations. When everything meets your satisfaction, finalize the plan knowing that it will probably change in the future.

5. Make yourself accountable by creating a daily goal tracker for yourself and by enlisting the help of an individual or group that you will have frequent contact with to keep you accountable for your plan. If you want to take it one step further, create a commitment contract on stickk.com.

Let me know what you think about this series so far. I'm interested to hear about your plans and any other tips you have for creating an effective plan to reach your goals.

In the next and last article of this series, we will discuss strategies for successful and focused execution and what happens once you achieve your goal. If you follow all the steps in this series, achieving your dreams will not only be possible but inevitable.

The post Creating an Effective Plan – How to Turn Dreams Into Reality – Part 2 appeared first on Embrace Possibility.