That's why I got excited when I read the poem below. It laid out a clear path for me to be a better friend. I'll let you read it first before I share my thoughts.

 

"What is a friend? I will tell you. 

It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.

Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are.

He does not want you to be better, or worse.

When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you.

He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. 

With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands.

You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you.

He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him.

Through it all—and underneath—he sees, knows and loves you. 

A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."

- Unknown (maybe C Raymond Beran)

When I read this, it made me realize the different ways I was not being a great friend:

• Giving unsolicited advice
• Being careful with what I shared whether it was because I was embarrassed, or didn't want to burden my friend
• Commenting too quickly or judging what I heard or saw

At the same time, I'm grateful for my friends who put up with all of the above.

One way I will be a better friend is to accept what I hear and create space for my friends to be themselves. Listening without judgment and being more vulnerable will be my habits of focus. I'll also use my comfort level to be myself as a good gauge of who my good friends are and be more aware of the people who aren't able to accept me for who I am.

Do you have someone with whom you can dare to be yourself?

Are you someone that others can be themselves around?

What else can you do to be a good friend to those around you?

Photo by Surface

The post How to be a good friend appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Others might put "having kids", "moving away", "disagreeing", etc.

No matter what your reason is, my tip is the same:

You keep your friends by investing resources to keep them.

When we are young, we spend a lot of time building our friendships but as we get older, we tend to drift away from our friends for a multitude of reasons. If you want to rekindle or keep a good friendship, here are a few practical tips that has helped me:

Call Them

Initially, I felt hesitant to call up a friend I haven't spoken to for a while but I thought about how I would feel if a good friend called me up out of the blue to see how I was doing. I would feel good because that person had to be thinking about me before making that call. When you take time to call someone, you're telling your friend that you've been thinking about them and that you care about them.

I called a good number of my friends and for the most part it has been a great experience. At first, some of my friends were confused because they thought I wanted something but once I explained and called them a few times, the initial awkwardness faded away. I am glad that I did it.

Meeting in person is also great but not always practical. Email is convenient for finding a good time to talk but a bit inconvenient when you start going back and forth. I find the phone to be a good balance of convenience and personal connection.

Make Yourself Available

Good friends are there for each other in times of need but as we grow older and start our own families, we tend not to be available any more for our friends. We have our own commitments and dependents and it  is easy to see a friend's need as a nuisance. This brings me back to my initial point: your friendship is as good as the investment you put into it. If you don't want to spare the time, don't expect to keep an awesome friendship.

The way I make myself available is to be in touch (see tip #1 - Call Them). This will help me become aware if my friend is going through difficult times. It is rare for a good friend who you've been out of touch with to call you out of the blue for help. Sometimes it is hard for a good friend who you are in touch with to ask for help so I need to be sensitive to my friend's situation and offer to help if necessary. This also means that when you are calling your friend, you are asking about all aspects of their life and not just talking about Jeremy Lin and the NY Knicks.

Get Together

Good friendships are not only solidified during tough times but also in good times. One way I keep my friendships strong is to get together. I find the group dynamic an excellent way to create new enjoyable memories with my friends. I have recently created some great memories at a few weddings and house parties.

The easiest way to get together is to host one. It may be more work but you can control the guest list and you don't have to worry about getting home too late. If you don't like to host, restaurants and lounges are nice places to meet as well. There is really no excuse not to organize a get together with your friends.

If you've read this far, you are definitely interested in strengthening your friendships. I recommend that you take out a pen right now and write down the names of 3 people you plan to call within the week. You're going to be glad you did.

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