How to be a good friend

I have friends, and as I reflect on how they became my friends, it sort of just happened. I don't remember doing anything to deserve their friendship, and beyond checking in and getting together once in a while, I don't think I've been doing anything special to be an even better friend.

That's why I got excited when I read the poem below. It laid out a clear path for me to be a better friend. I'll let you read it first before I share my thoughts.

 

"What is a friend? I will tell you. 

It is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.

Your soul can be naked with him. He seems to ask of you to put on nothing, only to be what you are.

He does not want you to be better, or worse.

When you are with him, you feel as a prisoner feels who has been declared innocent. You do not have to be on your guard. You can say what you think, so long as it is genuinely you.

He understands those contradictions in your nature that lead others to misjudge you. 

With him you breathe freely. You can avow your little vanities and envies and hates and vicious sparks, your meannesses and absurdities and, in opening them up to him, they are lost, dissolved on the white ocean of his loyalty. He understands.

You do not have to be careful. You can abuse him, neglect him, tolerate him. Best of all, you can keep still with him. It makes no matter. He likes you.

He is like fire that purges to the bone. He understands. He understands. You can weep with him, sin with him, laugh with him, pray with him.

Through it all—and underneath—he sees, knows and loves you. 

A friend? What is a friend? Just one, I repeat, with whom you dare to be yourself."

- Unknown (maybe C Raymond Beran)

When I read this, it made me realize the different ways I was not being a great friend:

• Giving unsolicited advice
• Being careful with what I shared whether it was because I was embarrassed, or didn't want to burden my friend
• Commenting too quickly or judging what I heard or saw

At the same time, I'm grateful for my friends who put up with all of the above.

One way I will be a better friend is to accept what I hear and create space for my friends to be themselves. Listening without judgment and being more vulnerable will be my habits of focus. I'll also use my comfort level to be myself as a good gauge of who my good friends are and be more aware of the people who aren't able to accept me for who I am.

Do you have someone with whom you can dare to be yourself?

Are you someone that others can be themselves around?

What else can you do to be a good friend to those around you?

Photo by Surface