To help you make the most out of the life ahead of you, Cornell Professor Dr. Karl Pillemer has compiled the practical advice of over 1500 people in their 70s and beyond on how to live a fulfilling life. Since these individuals have actually lived their life, they have a perspective that we don't have (Imagine if you could tell the younger you what you know now...)

Before covering Dr. Pillemer's 30 Lessons for Living, here is a preview of the advice common to almost all of the people interviewed:

• Happiness is a choice and not a result of how life treats you - life is "too short to waste on pessimism, boredom, and disillusionment." None of the interviewees associated happiness with "working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want."
• When possible, take the plunge - say yes to opportunities because it'll enrich your life
• Pursue meaningful work that you look forward to every day
• Travel
• Don't go to bed angry
• Be honest with yourself and others
• Avoid judgment - let others, including yourself, live their life

The 30 lessons are organized into six major sections with five lessons for each section (this is a long post so feel free to skip around):

• Marriage or building deep relationships with your lifelong partner
• Pursuing a meaningful career
• Raising children
• Aging gracefully
• Living a life without regrets
• Being happy

Marriage or Building Deep Relationships with Your Lifelong Partner

1. Find a Partner Who Shares Your Core Values and Is Your Friend

The original advice in the book was "Marry Someone a Lot Like You." Since we can be similar in many ways to someone, yet have different values, the focus when finding a lifelong partner is to find alignment between your approaches to life. Note the emphasis on finding alignment as opposed to creating alignment. Often, it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we or the other person will convert to make the relationship work, but that's rarely the case. If you value saving money as a path to a good life, and the other person values spending money as a path to a good life, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle to make the relationship work. Recognize that to take this advice, you'll need to be clear about your own values (how to figure out your values).

2. Make Sure You're Friends

Are you good friends with your lifelong partner?

In addition to having similar core values, you also want someone you enjoy spending time with. Our friends are people we want to see because we like talking to them and can relax around them. The interviewees recommend that, when possible, you should marry your best friend (maybe being placed in the "friend zone" is not a bad thing. Now, if you're in the friend zone, consider sharing this article with your friend who you would like to be more than a friend)

3. Don't Keep Score

Great relationships are not transactional. Both sides are trying to contribute more to the relationship. In The 80/80 Marriage, husband-and-wife team Kaley and Nate Kemp recommends each partner focus on contributing 80% to building the best possible relationship. By focusing on increasing your own contributions, you will pay more attention to what else you can do as opposed to what else the other person should be doing.

Ask, "What can I do for my partner? How can I make my partner a little happier today?" as opposed to "Am I getting what I need from my partner?" Look for ways to give more than you can get. If you're truly friends (lesson #2), the other person will likely reciprocate. Doesn't hurt to keep one-upping each other in showing your love.

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

To keep the relationship running smoothly, you'll need to be able to talk through conflict. You won't always agree with the other person, but if you can't talk through it, resentment builds. Although the advice is to talk to each other, a big part of defusing the situation is to listen to your partner and sincerely and clearly show that you're listening. That means acknowledging what you're hearing and playing back what you heard. Always let the other person have their say. One question that might help unknot a struggle is to ask, "Which one of us is this more important to?" Knowing this will make it easier for the other person to let it go (especially if you're focusing on advice #3).

5. Commit to the Promise You've Made to Each Other

Since I can remember, divorce rates seems to be trending up and getting steeper. There are positive reasons for separation such as people feeling empowered to leave relationships that are not working out freeing both parties to find better partners. At the same time, some of the interviewees suggest treating marriage, or the promise to stay together, as less of a "voluntary partnership" but as a "profound cultural arrangement" that should be entered into seriously both when deciding to marry and when deciding to part. This advice seems easier if you follow #1-4. One way to help you go the distance is to avoid going to bed angry - most disagreements "aren't worth more than a day's combat."

Pursuing a Meaningful Career

6. Choose a Career that You Enjoy, Not Just One That Makes You Money

When the interviewees looked in the rearview mirror after a long life, one thing that was clear is that "time well and enjoyably spent trumps money anytime." Look for a job, calling, career, whatever you want to call it, that makes you happy and sits at the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what serves others (so you can reap some form of financial reward - those bills don't pay themselves). Work that leads to personal growth, meaningful relationships, and contribution to the community will often result in a happier life. Since we spend much of our adult lives working, find work where the work itself fulfills you and you have a passion for it.

7.  Don't Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy

It's likely that you read advice #6 and said, "That might work for some people, but that's just not feasible for me. Besides, I don't need to be happy at work. Work is work and play is play." Of course, you're entitled to choose whichever path you would like. See each piece of advice as something the future-you might tell the present-you.

If you're not finding your work meaningful or fulfilling, those who have gone ahead of you recommend that you don't stop trying to find a job you would really enjoy. Take a moment right now and think about whether you enjoyed going to work this past week/month. If not, what would you enjoy doing? Don't get hung up on feasibility for now - just brainstorm what jobs you would love to do or try. Consider taking the Know What You Want Workshop to help you figure it out (it's free if you're serious about completing it - just find the code at the bottom of this article on 30 Qualities of Highly Successful People).

The interviewees advise: "Don't be afraid to move around and try different things, no matter how old you are." Do give yourself a time limit to figure things out and understand that you'll often need to take a risk to make a move toward the job that makes you happy.

8. Make the Most of a Bad Job

As you're continuing to look for the job you love (#7) to be in a career that is intrinsically rewarding (#6), you may still need to put up with the job you have. To help you cope, focus on doing what you can to leverage your current job to help you refine what you want, what your capabilities are, and what's right for you. Learn as much as you can about yourself and pay attention to which work activities energize you and which drain you. Study what makes good bosses, colleagues, and businesses strong and what makes poor leaders, co-workers, and companies weak. No matter what job you're in, do it well so you continue to build your reputation, confidence, and competence.

9. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Your ability to work well with others is critical for your success. Whether you're inspiring others, gaining consensus, or building deep relationships, it's often the soft skills that propel you in your career, especially at the more senior levels. A linchpin to emotional intelligence is having and showing empathy. You will likely hit on the right approach if you keep in mind that others don't have the same goals, motivations, or beliefs as you do. You'll find yourself more accepting of others and slow in judging their way of working.

Cultivate the humility to recognize that almost always others will know more about their particular area than you do and the key to working well with others is to keep the focus on them and their needs. Rarely will people care about your goals and KPIs above their own. One piece of advice from the interviewees is to "take others seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously."

10. Prioritize Autonomy

Early in our lives, we have more time than we know what to do with so it's easy to give it away to others or to use it less sparingly. Many of us are very willing to trade in our time for money, which we need to live the life we want. As you'll see in advice #26, as we get older, time becomes our most precious resource, and we'll want to be more hesitant to trade time for money. It's easy to choose a career based on potential earnings, but it's a high cost if those earnings come at the expense of your independence (especially if you don't love what you do). Prioritize gaining more freedom from the job you have - to do so practically, you'll often need to be 1) excellent at your job, 2) living below your means, and 3) focused on valuing time over money.

Raising Children

11. Maximize the Quantity of Time Spent Together

When spending time with your children, quality AND quantity matter. Closeness in a relationship comes from being together. I learned this lesson firsthand going through the COVID-19 pandemic. By being at home more, I realized that my kids would open up to me, not when I asked them how their day went, but during random times when we were together taking a walk, watching a show, or drawing unicorns. It made me wonder how many of these moments I was missing when I was away either physically or mentally.

According to those who have lived a long life, your children "don’t want your money (or what your money buys) anywhere near as much as they want you. Specifically, they want you with them." In practice, this might mean indulging in the activities they want to do, as opposed to imposing what you want to do together as a family (I'm still trying to work on this!) If you're serious about building a relationship with your kids, measure the time you spend being present with your kids or other loved ones as a good way to gauge quality time. Be willing to sacrifice other commitments to have this shared time. A bonus for spending time with your kids is that you have a better sense of who they are, what they are going through, what they enjoy doing, and how they see the world.

12. Avoid Showing Favoritism

It's normal to have favorites - maybe your child shares common interests with you, or has a similar personality, but it's critical to never show favoritism to your children. Kids pick up on favorites - my older son recently accused us of favoring his younger brother because we have more of his brother's drawings up on the wall. We didn't even realize we were doing that since the real reason for the lopsided balance of wall art is that our younger son is constantly asking us to put his drawings on the wall. Be aware of your words and actions that may be interpreted or misinterpreted as favoring one child over another. One thing you can do to reduce this risk is to avoid comparing your kids. For more tips, check out Siblings Without Rivalry.

13. Don't Hit Your Kids

This might be a controversial piece of advice depending on where you're from and your cultural upbringing. As with all advice, do what will work for you. One question I've found helpful to ask myself when needing to discipline is, "Would I treat any other person the way I'm about to treat my child?" This is much harder to do when I'm hijacked by anger. I try to keep in mind the advice from the interviewees that "discipline should be very quiet and controlled, but kind," since they've seen the longer-term fall out of their actions.

Physical punishment may feel like it's solving the immediate problem, but it may teach your child lessons that you may not want them to learn such as "I need to do everything I can to please authority figures," "force wins when words don't," "it's ok to hurt others if they aren't doing what I want them to do." 20 years of research show that corporal punishment does more harm than good. According to the interviewees, hitting is a failure in parenting, and they believed "in firmness, in maintaining a clear moral compass, and in setting limits. But they are remarkably unified on the idea that corporal punishment of children is a disciplinary dead end that spoils the relationship, leaving emotional marks that last long after childhood."

14. Do Whatever You Can to Prevent Rifts

Interviewees who were estranged from their children strongly regretted losing the bond with their kids. Reflecting back on how heavily this rift weighed on them and the pain they felt as life went on, they recommend avoiding it at all costs. If you sense a rift is occurring, take the lead to act immediately to defuse it. This will often mean being the first to apologize or compromise. The longer you wait to mend a break the harder it becomes to reconcile. In some cases, it never blows over and you become separated forever. Although what you are fighting over may seem important at that moment, it's likely not worth severing the relationship you have with your child.

15.  Build a Lifelong Relationship with Your Children

It's easy as parents to focus on launching our children into adulthood. Although helping our children grow up to live the life they want is critical, you'll want to be a part of their lives. No matter their age, look for ways to help them feel welcome at home and be open to sharing things with you. A good way to do so is to be non-judgmental. No one wants to be nagged at, constantly be given advice, or told that they should be living their life another way (no matter how good your intentions might be). Enjoy their company and act in ways so they enjoy yours.

Aging Gracefully

16. Look Forward to Being Old (It's better than you think!)

In some cultures, being an elder is revered and respected. In others, it can feel more like a looming expiration date of one's relevance. What is inevitable is that we will get older and if we're lucky, we'll become very old. Those who are squarely in that camp right now advise us to not waste time worrying about aging. They highlight how being old comes with a "sense of calm and easiness in daily life" where you can do whatever you want. You're no longer shackled by the expectations or responsibilities you might feel earlier in life (or maybe you just care less). That sounds like something to look forward to!

17. Act Now like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years

Many of the interviewees highlight the importance of taking care of your body now. They emphasize that "it's not dying you should worry about it - it's chronic disease." Often the result of poor health decisions is not an early death, but decades of suffering for you and those who need to take care of you. When deciding today whether to eat right or exercise, understand that your health choices and habits accumulate. The focus is not on how long you will live, but on how you are going to live. Hopefully, this advice will give you pause when you hear yourself justifying a poor life choice with the excuse, "So what? We all have to die sometime." For some guidance, check out this free healthy living guide from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

18. Don't Fret About Dying

Those who are closest to the end of their lives find themselves worrying less about dying. They found that they end up falling into "a mix of interest, curiosity, and acceptance." If those who need to worry most about dying aren't doing so, why should you?

19. Actively Stay Connected to Others

As you become older, it's natural for your social circles to shrink. People you know may have moved away or passed away. You're becoming less mobile. You're no longer in natural social settings like work, school events, etc. Actively fight against isolation by involving yourself in social networks that all you to stay connected to others. One tip shared by a number of interviewees is to take advantage of classes and other learning opportunities. You get to meet new people who have a common interest and see them on a regular basis. For the introverts out there, you don't need to attend big social gatherings, but do push yourself to meet new people. For some ideas, check out The Introvert's Guide to Social Engagement (Harvard Health).

20. Plan Ahead on Where You'll Live and Share Your Post-Life Wishes

As you get older, you'll want to choose a place to live that will help you stay connected to the people you want to be with. A number of the interviewees commented on their move to a senior living community as one of the best decisions of their lives since it allows them to meet new people and "have a life." You'll also want to accept and adapt to your changing physical abilities and situation and select activities that fit the current-you. That might mean switching from breakdancing to swimming, or hiking less ambitious trails because the view may not be worth the risk of injury. As part of your planning, think about the decisions that others may need to make about you when you pass. To prevent arguments or speculation amongst your loved ones, state clearly what you want in writing.

Living a Life Without Regrets

21. Be Honest

Almost all the interviewees cited honesty as one of the major values and principles to live by. The longer you're alive the more you'll see the importance of integrity and trust. Dishonesty creates pressure and stress for you - keeping the facts straight, living with the fear of being found out, or dealing with the short- and long-term implications of a tarnished reputation. Living honestly seems to be the easier road to travel (even though it often feels like the harder one to take).

22. Say Yes to Opportunities

We can unknowingly limit ourselves because we're only aware of the things we've done and completely oblivious to what we could potentially do. To help you live life to the fullest, the elders interviewed in this book recommend saying yes to opportunities that come your way "unless you've got a really solid reason to say no." By being open to new ventures and experiences, you learn more about yourself to make even better decisions in the future. Move to a new country. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Do the thing you've been putting off until the right time. The interviewees who took a risk in their careers often look back with the most satisfaction in their work lives. Don't ask "why?" Ask "why not?"

23. Travel More

Rarely do people regret traveling too much. No matter how much traveling the interviewees did, most of them wished they had traveled more. As we get older, we may not be able to travel to as many places, so the elders recommend younger people to travel now while they have the time, physical ability, and freedom to do so. Because of the many benefits of traveling, prioritize it over other things you may spend money on. Travel will challenge you, broaden your horizons, and help you learn about yourself. Start by listing the places you want to go and book a trip today. You'll likely not regret that decision.

24. Select a Lifelong Mate with Extreme Care

There are three common scenarios that the interviewees highlight as potentially disastrous when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner:

1. "Fall passionately in love and commit immediately
2. Commit out of desperation that no one better will come along
3. Drift or fall into marriage without the choice or the reasons ever becoming clear"

Their core advice is to hit pause and think through this important decision. Don't rush because marrying the wrong person can be extremely painful. Take time to know the other person well (which isn't easy early in a relationship when everyone is putting their best foot forward). Observe the little things that may give you hints about who they are deep down and ask yourself whether it's something you can accept. Remember to look for similar core values (#1) and strong friendship (#2) as well to help you choose a mate that can bring you lifelong happiness. A good question to ask: "Is this the person you want by your side as you face tough life challenges?"

25. Say It Now

Countless movies have been made about the regret of leaving things unsaid. If there is something meaningful you want to say to someone, don't wait. Do it now. This might be telling someone how much you love them or apologizing to mend a relationship where you don't even remember what you were fighting about. Look to clear the air.

One piece of advice that stuck with me was, "Send flowers to the living. The dead never see them." You may also want to think about the questions you want to know especially from your aging parents - where did they come from, what were you like as a child, and what advice might they give on living a good life? You'll see at the end of this article a list of questions to ask the elders in your life.

Being Happy

26. Value Time Over Everything

Life is truly short and no group knows this better than the one interviewed for this book. Despite all the years they've been alive, the oldest folks in the group were the most surprised by how fast time has gone. Their advice is to seriously recognize how limited time really is and to purposefully decide how to take advantage of each day. They see each day as a gift and with an "unharvested abundance of pleasure, enjoyment, love, and beauty that many younger people miss."

To keep you from squandering the day you're given, purposefully use your life minutes. What is it that you want to do right now with your time? Be extra sensitive to phrases like, "I'll do [desired activity] when [future time or event occurs]," or "I can't wait until [insert positive result or event]" because that day may never come. Don't put things off that you've been wanting to do, learn, say, experience. Shift the focus from what is going to happen to what's happening now. Be more "lavish" with the present time because it's the only time you have. I've been guilty of saving a nice bottle of champagne until it goes bad or sparingly using expensive accessories for special occasions. We can't get back the days that passed, but we can make the most of the days ahead.

One idea that really stuck out for me from the interviews is to "skip the funerals and see your friends now." Here is what one interviewee shared:

"We’ve told most of our close friends: We’re not going to show up at their funerals because we can’t stand funerals. But we are going to show up at any party or happy thing they invite us to."

What a wonderful idea!

27. Choose Happiness on a Daily Basis

The interviewees strongly recommend taking responsibility for your own happiness and seeing happiness as a choice you make, and not a result of your current condition. If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, initiate change to move away from that. Although you won't be able to control what happens to you, you can choose your attitude and reactions to them. Feelings like anger, fear, disappointment, annoyance, and resentment are created from our thoughts and expectations even though we'll find it more convenient to blame others for causing those feelings. When you feel negative emotions, think about where it comes from and the story you're telling yourself. Then accept it, and let it go. You're in charge of your life - don't let outside forces impact how you feel and what you decide to do.

One way to choose happiness on a daily basis is to make happiness unconditional ("I'm happy in spite of ...") as opposed to conditional ("I'm happy if only ..."). Often when our happiness is dependent on something external, it's short-lived (even when you win the lottery). In the words of one of the interviewers, "Decide not to feel sorry for yourself - get up and do what you have to do to be happy. " 

28. Don't Waste Time Worrying

Time is limited and if you're squandering it worrying, you're not spending it living. Trust that it'll work out. Worrying, on its own, doesn't solve or help with anything. Not only will it not make a difference, but it'll also likely put you in a negative state. To help you gain back some time, recognize when you're worrying and re-purpose that time for something you want to do with your life - hit the gym, learn a language, travel, or spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.

Even when you have a reason to worry, don't spend your time ruminating about the potential negative outcome. If you're afraid of something, do what is in your power to prepare and plan for it instead of wasting energy worrying about it. Once you take action to mitigate what you think might happen, don't think about it anymore.

There's rarely a good reason or excuse to worry for the sake of worrying, but if you find yourself stuck in a worrying rut, which can happen, focus on the short term (the day, hour, or minute that you're in right now) as opposed to the long term implications of what you're worried about. Here is an interviewee's reflection that might help,

"I’ve learned a lot about life and nothing bothers me anymore. And it gets to be so, and it’s just the way it is. Acceptance, yes. If you don’t accept it, you go down the drain. Be calm, go with the flow. People worry about dying, about everything."

29. Savor the Little Things in Life

As we live life, it's easy to focus on the milestone moments of our lives - our birthday, our graduation, our wedding, our big promotion, our new house. Those events are worth celebrating, but often we might be missing opportunities to savor the micro-delights that occur daily in our lives - a smile from our child, the beautiful weather, a good swim, a funny text exchange. By noticing the little things in life that bring us joy, we are increasing our own happiness on a daily basis, which is important especially since we're not guaranteed the future. Find the daily treasures in your life. If you're looking for it, you'll find it. As someone who is often too future-oriented, I set a reminder to think about a daily delight at noon each day. It draws my attention to something positive and sets a great tone for the second half of the day.

30. Have Faith

Believe in something beyond you - this might be a religion, philosophy, or credo. Look for ways to be a part of a community and to have a spiritual practice that you can do with others. The interviewees have found faith helpful to place suffering in context and a belief in a higher power often focuses us to care not only for ourselves but others as well. One common refrain amongst the world's religions is the idea of the golden rule:

"Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." 

The golden rule works because to follow it, you'll need to empathize with other people and understand their perspectives and how they might feel about your actions. Being kind, showing compassion, lending a helping hand, and treating others with respect are some of the natural behaviors of following this time-tested rule.

So, you've made it to the end of this list! Hopefully, this list will help you make the most of the minutes ahead of you. We'll wrap with this final thought from one of the interviewees:

"I have had to live simply but eventually I realized that it is the best way for me to live. To know what is enough, not to use more than my share of the earth’s resources, to recognize the difference between wants and needs, to enjoy the pleasure of making something broken of use again, and learning to appreciate simple pleasures has made my life more satisfying and less worrisome. Happiness does not depend on how much we have but is based on personal success of skills and artistry, a sense of humor, the acquisition of knowledge, the refinement of character, the expression of gratitude, the satisfaction of helping others, the pleasure of friends, the comfort of family, and the joy of love."

Feel free to share this article with those who you think might benefit. Please share any life lessons you've learned that you might share with a younger you.

You can find a searchable directory of advice at The Legacy Project.

Questions to Ask the Elders in Your Life

If you have elders in your life that you would like to interview, here are ten questions Pillemer recommends:

1. What are some of the most important lessons you feel you have learned over the course of your life? If the person has difficulty getting started, try this follow-up question: If a young person asked you, “What have you learned in your X years in this world,” what would you tell him or her?

2. What kinds of advice would you have about getting and staying married? Follow-ups: What’s the secret of a long marriage? What mistakes should young people avoid regarding getting and staying married? What advice would you have for a younger couple thinking of calling it quits?

3. What kinds of advice do you have about raising children? Follow-ups: What mistakes should people avoid in child rearing?

4. Do you have any advice you can share about finding fulfilling work and how to succeed in a career?

5. Some people say that they have had difficult or stressful experiences but they have learned important lessons from them. Is that true for you? Can you give examples of what you learned?

6. As you look back over your life, do you see any “turning points”; that is, a key event or experience that changed the course of your life or set you on a different track? Follow-ups: What are some of the important choices or decisions you made that you have learned from?

7. What would you say you know now about living a happy and successful life that you didn’t know when you were twenty?

8. What would you say are the major values or principles that you live by?

9. Have you learned any lessons regarding staying in good health?

10. What advice would you give to people about growing older?

Photo by Peter Conlan

The post 30 Life Lessons from Over a Thousand People Who Have Lived a Full Life appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

I read on average 1-2 books a week (the silver lining to a long commute to work). Most of the books, I read once, glean the key ideas and never re-read again. This is why I take notice when a book deeply impacts my view of the world.

Below are 10 books I wish I read when I was younger because they've positively changed the way I live my life.

1. The LOL2A-Principle

This book recommended by my German colleague started me on the road to personal mastery. Your world is what you think of it. Change your thinking, change your world. LOL2A = Letting gO, (Love x2) and Action/Reaction.

2. The China Study

If you want independent, hard research on the best way to eat for good health, this is the book for you.

Spoiler alert: Eat plant-based, whole foods. Stay away from processed foods.

3. What Color is Your Parachute

This book set me in the right direction towards my dream job. Learn about yourself and find the job that fits you as opposed to fitting yourself to a job that you probably don't like. I've distilled the best exercises from this book and a few others in my Know What You Want course.

4. Atlas Shrugged

What if all the productive members of society decided to quit because lazier members kept condemning them for being rationally selfish and forcing them to share the wealth?

Inspired me to take responsibility and do great work - don't expect a handout or a hand up. Rise on your own.

5. Nonviolent Communication (my summary)

I'm not a fan of the title but the process itself is excellent for asserting your viewpoint and needs effectively. Don't make others feel guilty for how you feel. Take responsibility for your actions and intentions, not how others feel. Request, don't demand. Receive empathically.

6. How to Win Friends and Influence People

The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Smile, be sincere, and genuinely take an interest in other people. Remember names and make the other person feel important. These practical tips along with many others are worth mastering.

7. Thinking Fast and Slow

We are biased. This book shares why and how our perspective is skewed and what we can do about it.

What you see is all there is - be careful of finding meaning when there is none. Self-control requires attention and effort. We have an unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.

Many books out there derive from concepts in this book. Save yourself time and read this one first.

8. On Writing Well

Great writing engages and moves the reader from one sentence to the next. Be genuine, crisp, and interesting. This essential guide from the late Bill Zinsser covers the core principles, methods, forms, and attitudes to writing effectively.

9. Sleep Smarter

Sleep has been a part of our lives since we've been born so it's easy to think we know how to sleep. This book shows you that both Quality and Quantity matters. If you're feeling too tired to read this book, here is my quick guide to get quality sleep.

10. High Output Management

Andy Grove, the former CEO of Intel, wrote this excellent reference for managing others. Whether you run a business or just run your family, you'll find simple yet powerful advice that works to improve productivity, enhance your decision-making skills and prioritize what's most important.

If you enjoyed this list and want more suggestions, go here for all of my book recommendations by topic. You can also see book summaries of my favorite books in the Long Story Short section.

The post 10 books I wish I read earlier in my life but glad I still read them eventually appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

So far:

You've learned the starting point for your journey is your current net worth and that measuring your net worth is the only way to track your progress.

You've figured out your destination when you determined your number.

Some of you even took some time to sort through and handle any excess baggage (bad debt) that may slow you down on this trip.

Now all you have to do before you set off is to determine your current pace.

This article will help you answer:

Am I moving in the right direction?

How fast am I travelling?

When will I arrive at my destination?

So how will we do that?

Two words ...

...Income and Expenses.

Many of you shy away from your own finances because you are scared of numbers. This is one of the reasons why you are not financially free. Fortunately, I understand that numbers can be intimidating so I am going to give you a step-by-step process that any elementary school student can follow.

Let's start with income:

Step 1 - Calculate the gross (it just means before taking deductions like taxes, 401K, etc.) monthly income by adding up all the money you receive.

Example:

Gross Salary: $4000

Interest from Savings: $120

Stock Dividends: $230

Rent from Tenant: $1000

Total Gross Monthly Income: $5350

Easy, right?

Now for the expenses:

Step 2 - Calculate monthly expenses by adding up all the money that you spend on average in one month. For expenses that are once a year but recurring (i.e. christmas and/or wedding gifts), just divide the one time expense by 12. Taxes should be included in your expenses as well.

Example:

Rent: $1200

Utilities: $150

Phone: $80

Gym Membership: $20

Gifts: $1200/12 = $100

Income Tax (Federal and State) = $1300

So far so good? Great!

Step 3 - Calculate the difference between the money coming in and the money going out.

To help you with this calculation, click here for an income and expense calculator from frugalvillage.com. All you have to do is input your gross monthly income from step 1 and it will give you your "monthly spendable income" assuming a 33% tax rate. Then you input all your expenses for the month. At the bottom you will get the total left over for the month.

This total will help us answer the 3 questions above:

Am I moving in the right direction?

If your total is positive (you earn more than you spend), you are moving in the right direction. If your total is negative (you spend more than you earn), you are going the wrong way. If you have a negative total, the first thing you need to do is find ways to cut your expenses ... immediately.

How fast am I travelling?

The larger your number. The faster you're travelling. A large negative number means your travelling quickly in the wrong direction.

When will I arrive at my destination?

You will arrive at your destination when your current net worth is equal to your target net worth calculated from Lesson 2. Unless you already own a home, a business or other investments, the money you have in your bank and in your retirement accounts will make up the bulk of your net worth.

The income calculated from this lesson will determine how much you can save. Use this savings calculator from Bankrate.com to see how much you need to save monthly to reach your "number" within a set number of years.

Example using Bankrate's Savings Calculator:

How much do you want to save?  $1,000,000

How many years? Play around with this number to make the "monthly deposit required" = monthly amount leftover 

Interest rate: 6% Daily Compounding

How much money can you spare to start? $1000

Do you wish to skip 2 weeks out of the month? Yes

When do you make your first deposit? Today's date

Starting with $1000 I will save a million dollars ...

in 5 years, if I save $489/day

in 15 years, if I save $117/day

in 30 years, if I save $34/day

So if I started saving when I was 20, I would be a millionaire when I became 50 and all of this assuming a conservative interest rate of 6%. This is the power of compounding interest and the earlier you start saving the better.

If you haven't already, I highly recommend that you calculate the money you have left over each month after you pay all your bills and expenses. If the number is positive, use the savings calculator to see how long it will take you to reach your target "number" if you saved everything that was left over each month.

Once you know your pace, it's time to discuss strategy.

In the next lesson, we're going to answer the question:

What can you do to get to your number faster? 

The post Be Financially Free – Lesson 4 – Current Pace appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Luckily for us, we came up with a great way to set up our finances that allows us to be both responsible to the family and free to make our own decisions. It has been working so well, I am going to share it with you step-by-step in this article.

I'll first introduce the strategy and then address the common concerns.

Step 1 - Pool together all your assets

This is pretty much everything you own (cash, property, cars, etc.). We kept our retirement accounts separate because it seemed easier that way.

Step 2 - Put all the assets into a joint account

Put everything you can in your joint account but don't cancel your individual accounts. This may be tougher for your retirement accounts. We left ours in our individual names. Ideally it would be great to put everything in the joint account but it is important to be flexible.

Step 3 - Decide together on an appropriate amount for your individual discretionary accounts

Choose an amount that you both are ok with taking out of the joint account and dividing equally into your individual accounts. I highly recommend keeping the bulk of your money in the joint account or else this strategy won't work well. You also want to make sure you fund the individual account with enough money so it makes sense. I would say 3 months of your non-essential expenses (eating out, splurge purchases, gifts, etc.)

Step 4 - Transfer the agreed upon amount to each person's individual account

Make the transfer of equal amounts from the joint account back to each person's individual accounts.

Step 5 - Set up the rules for the joint account

Create rules to govern the joint account. Here are our rules:

• All income goes into the joint account and after all joint expenses are paid (this includes a percentage of money we want to save), we distribute the "profits" into our individual accounts. This ensures that all the important expenses are taken care of and that no individual can put the family in danger with irresponsible spending habits.

• Joint expenses are paid by the joint account and individual expenses are paid by the individual discretionary accounts. Expenses approved by both people will be paid using the joint account:

1. • Mortgage and family vacations gets paid from the joint account
   • My new laptop or my wife's new handbag will be paid from our individual discretionary accounts
   • When I eat out with my friends, it comes out of my discretionary account. If my wife joins us, we use the joint account

• Each person controls their own discretionary account. We never nag each other about how we are spending the discretionary accounts and we don't need to ask each other for permission to spend from our individual accounts. If you happen to spend all the money in your discretionary account, you will have to wait for the next profit-sharing. We found that this was a great way to save and to prevent the scenario where one person feels "cheated" because the other person spends more than they do when they pool their assets together.

• The frugal one in the relationship should manage the joint account (highly recommended).

Step 6 - Adjust the plan to fit changing needs, lifestyles and/or financial goals

This strategy is only a guide for you to use. Our situation is different from yours so it is important to understand the concept but then to adapt it to your own situation. I know we will modify this strategy as we learn more about ourselves and as our situations change but at the current moment, we are happy with this setup.

Here are some Frequently Asked Questions about this strategy:

Can you give me an example?

Here is a hypothetical example:

My spouse and I have $50,000 each in savings before we got married.

After the wedding, we put all our assets in the joint account so now the joint account has $100,000. We decide that we will put $10,000 in each of our discretionary accounts to start.

So now the joint account has $80,000. My wife's account has $10,000. My account has $10,000.

All income goes straight into the joint account. My wife makes $7000/month. I make $3000/month. Our joint monthly expenses are $6000 for mortgage and $1500 for all other expenses in this example month. We first pay off all expenses for the month ($10,000 - $6000 - $1500 = $2500). We decide we want to save 80% of what's left after paying our expenses ($2500 * 0.8 = $2000).

Total left for profit distribution: $500 ($250 to my wife's account and $250 to my account)

So for this month, the joint account has $82,000. My wife's account has $10,250. My account has $10,250. (Assuming we didn't spend anything in our discretionary accounts)

In the months where expenses exceed income (vacation or unforeseen expenses), there is no profit distribution. If you haven't start doing so already, I highly recommend keeping track of your net worth.

What if I make much more than my spouse?

I don't see the point of getting married if you don't intend to share everything with the other person or trust them enough to pool together your money and build up a big joint account. Why shouldn't they have access to your money if you plan to get married? Really think about what you are afraid of or what is "unfair" about the situation. Imagine yourself in your spouse's shoes. If your spouse made a lot more money than you did, would it be unfair then?

What if we don't have enough "profits" left over for our individual accounts? I won't be able to buy what I want?

This strategy is created to help you be responsible while giving both people in the relationship freedom to spend. This is assuming you are making enough for discretionary spending. If there are no "profits", either your expenses are too high or your incomes are too low. In both cases, you would work together and make more money or spend less money.

I think it is a great plan but my spouse won't agree to it. What should I do?

Talk to your spouse and ask why they don't like the strategy. Show them the benefits that you see in this strategy. If they still refuse, there is not much you can do (although refusal to adopt this method may be warning signs of fear or mistrust). Unfortunately, this strategy only works when both partners cooperate and agree to work together.

If you found this article helpful, feel free to send it to anyone else you think might benefit from this strategy. Also, if you have your own financial strategy that works for you, please share in the comments section.

The post How to Prevent Money from Ruining Your Marriage – A Step-by-Step Guide appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

With that "number", you now have a destination as you begin the road to financial freedom.

If you are starting your journey with a negative net worth (click here to learn how to calculate your net worth), you have your work cut out for you. The biggest reason for a negative net worth is usually ...

... DEBT.

It is important to distinguish between Good Debt and Bad Debt.

Good debt is when you borrow money to pay for things you NEED (Home, College Tuition and/or Car Payments) but can't afford up front without using up all your cash and selling out of your investments.

Bad debt is when you borrow money for things you don't NEED (IPad3, Trip to Tahiti, Luxury Goods, etc) and can't afford. Most credit card debt falls under this category.

No matter what type of debt you have, you should work to get out of it as fast as you can.

If you have a spending problem, the very first thing you should do is remove easy access to credit by cutting up all credit cards and closing any lines of credit. For those who only have good debt and can control spending, there is no need to cut up your credit cards.

If you don't have a plan to get out of debt, then most likely you are not going to get out. Fortunately, here is a simple and effective 7 step process that will help you eliminate your debt:

Step 1 - Organize all your debt by creditor, interest rate and minimum payment amount and sort by interest rate from highest to lowest.

Step 2 - If you are late on any payments, IMMEDIATELY call your creditor (personal or institutional) to explain. In many cases, the interest rates and loan terms can be negotiated.

Step 3 - Review your income and determine the LARGEST monthly amount you can use to pay off your debt. Remember to make sure you have an adequate emergency fund (1 year's worth of expenses).

Step 4 - Add $20 to every minimum payment on your list of debts and add up the final total monthly debt payment. You want to always pay more than the minimum if you are serious about getting out of debt.

Step 5 - Subtract the total monthly debt payment from the amount you allocated to pay off debt. If you have extra money, apply that to the debt with the highest interest rate. If you can't make the minimum payments, consider consolidating your debt to lower the minimum payments.

Step 6 - Make your payments according to your plan in Step 5 and adjust if income or situation changes.

Step 7 - Repeat Step 1-6

Although not advisable, you can take out a home equity loan to pay off your debt since the interest is tax-deductible and you can usually get a much lower interest rate than your credit cards. Of course, if you end up spending the money from your home equity loan on a trip to the Maldives and can't pay it back, you can lose your home.

Getting out of debt is never the solution. You must look at the specific habits that got you into trouble. Only by changing those habits can you truly take the next step towards being financially free.

"Think what you do when you run into debt; you give to another power over your liberty"

- Benjamin Franklin

Now that have made arrangements for your debt, let's get back on the journey with our next lesson.

The post Be Financially Free – Lesson 3 – How to Get Out of Debt appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Everywhere around me people are rating their accountants.

"My accountant is awesome - I am going to get back $3,500."

"I'm thinking of switching accountants, he charges me $275 and I didn't get anything back this year."

"My accountant doesn't do anything - I'm going to do my own taxes."

Besides casting judgment on our accountants, this is also the time of year where people get some "extra" cash in the form of a tax refund. Even before we get the refund check, some of us are already putting it to use: repairs for the house, a nice dinner with family, a new watch, etc.

If you want to be financially free (besides , there is one thing you need to avoid doing with your refund check. Unfortunately most people fall in to the trap and that is ...

...spending it.

So if you are not supposed to spend your tax refund, what should you do with it?

The basic rule for most people is:

First, you Build your Emergency Fund (savings of at least 8 months of living expenses). Then with the money left over, you Pay Off Debt starting with the debt that has the highest interest. Anything left over, you Pay Yourself by putting it into a savings account that funnels that money into a sound investment such as a long-term mutual fund.

For those of you who are more advanced and serious about your finances, the question I must ask is why are you getting a tax refund? A tax refund is not "extra" money or a gift from the government. It is money that you have lent the government (interest free) by allowing them to withhold it from your taxes throughout the tax year. You are better off increasing your exemptions (usually on a W-4 form) and taking that extra cash per paycheck to build your emergency fund, pay off high interest debt or to invest.

If you want to be financially independent but don't have a solid plan, I recommend that you follow the "Be Financially Free Series" by clicking here and start with Lesson 1.

The post What Not to Do With Your Tax Refund appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Most people don't get into a car and just start driving. They usually have a clear idea about where they want to go before they even leave the house. The road to financial freedom is just that - a road. Before you take that road, it is important to know where you are and where you want to go.

If you ask most people who want to be financially free what it means to be financially free, they rarely describe it in a measurable way. The usual responses are along the lines of "I don't have to work if I don't want to" or "I don't have to worry about money". With such vague destinations, it is no wonder why most people are not financially free.

In Lesson 1, we learned that the only way to keep score is by calculating your net worth (click here if you want a review). By now, you should all know your current net worth (if not, click here for the net worth calculator). Just like planning a trip, once you know your starting point the next step is to determine your destination.

So where do you want to go?

Think about the lifestyle you want to lead and what the average monthly expense will be when you retire. Also you'll need to decide when you want to retire and how long you plan on living. Of course, the longer you continue working, the less you'll need to save per month.

If you want a quick rough calculation of your target net worth, ING has a Find Your Number Calculator that is quick and easy to use (note: I don't use ING and I am not endorsing ING and any of its products and services).

Once you have your desired number, you can use the retirement calculator at the bottom of this article to see what you need to save per year depending on your current net worth (current savings), your target net worth (desired retirement savings) and the time you want to retire (years until retirement).

Now that you have an idea of where you want to go, we need to begin planning for your trip to financial freedom.

In the next lesson, we're going to take a slight detour and discuss good and bad debt and the best way to get out of bad debt. This way you can unload any unnecessary baggage that you have before we begin our journey. This will be a must read for anyone with a negative net worth.

If you are part of the lucky group that is debt-free, you can continue your journey by going straight to lesson 4.

The post Be Financially Free – Lesson 2 – Do You Know YOUR Number? appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

For those who do agree or would like to become financially free anyway, read on.

Most people are not financially free for one simple reason:

They don't know how to keep score.

People tend to equate financial success with big homes, fast cars and luxurious lifestyles. It is this "consumption thinking" that holds people back from attaining their financial freedom. In Thomas Stanley's two books, The Millionaire Next Door and The Millionaire Mind, most of the millionaires profiled don't drive expensive cars nor lead extravagant lifestyles. They tend to value frugality.

There is only one way to keep score and it is ... (drum roll please)

...keeping track of your net worth.

Net Worth = Total Assets - Total Liabilities

Assets are things of value such as cash, investments (e.g. stocks and bonds) and the value of your home. Liabilities are the obligations that you owe such as credit card debt, student and bank loans and mortgage.

If you already know what your net worth, then all you need to do is make sure it stays positive and keeps going up. The faster it goes up, the better you're doing. In a future post, I will talk about how to decide what your target net worth is.

For those of you who don't know your net worth, get your financial information ready because you should calculate it right now. Stop whatever else you're doing because this is the most important number you'll need to know if you want to be financially free. It won't take too long and all you need to do is plug your numbers into the calculator below:

The post Be Financially Free – Lesson 1 – What is your Net Worth? appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

I thought I was free but really, I'm not.

To be free, I thought it was enough to live in a free country like the United States but it's not.

I thought it was enough to have a loving family but it's not.

I thought as long as I had my health, I'll be free but I'm not.

What I am missing to be truly free is ...

... money and lots of it.

I have come to realize that without financial independence, I don't have any freedom. I am unable to do what I want when I want to so I have begun educating myself on how to become financially independent. I have begun applying some of the most important examples from my research (click here for my recommended reading list, which includes books on financial freedom) and it is working.

The first step that I recommend is to get into a habit of saving at least 10% of your income and putting it into a savings account that you don't dip into until you reach your retirement age (Note: You can retire as soon as you hit your retirement number. No one says your retirement age has to be 65 or over.)

That's it.

That's the first step to freedom.

No matter what happens, take 10% from any income you get.  Automatically deduct it from your paycheck. Trust me, you won't miss it.  You'll be just fine with what you have left to spend.

The post The First Step to Freedom appeared first on Embrace Possibility.