Start early. Be consistent. Let it grow.

All solid advice.

What if you took the same idea and applied it to everything else that matters?

Instead of reaping dividends only in dollars, how might you earn them in other important areas of your life?

Here are five of the most valuable places to invest your time, energy, and attention, so you can harvest the fruits of your efforts for many years to come:

1. Memories: The Compound Interest of Joy

You don’t remember what you bought three years ago. But you do remember that late-night talk with a friend, the spontaneous trip, or the family dinner where everyone couldn’t stop laughing.

Memories are emotional currency. They don’t just bring you joy in the moment—they gain value with time. I often scroll through short clips of my kids and friends and can't help be in a better mood. The more meaningful moments you create, the more grateful and optimistic you tend to become. A bank of joyful memories makes future challenges easier to face.

Life Dividends:

• Stronger relationships

• A richer personal narrative

• Resilience during hard times

• A more positive lens on life

Practical Tips:

• Create a “memory fund”—a monthly budget for doing something memorable with people you love (even $25 can go a long way).

• Prioritize firsts—first hikes, first performances, first projects together. Firsts stand out.

• Capture and reflect—take one photo or jot a note each week or month about a moment you want to remember. Just remember to savor the moment as opposed (Why Photographers Miss Out On Life).

2. Knowledge: Returns That Outperform Any Market

A single insight can change your life. A book, podcast, or conversation might offer a new way to solve a problem, connect with others, or navigate a challenge. (Here are our recommended books, free online courses, and quotes)

But here’s the real magic: the more you learn, the easier it becomes to learn more. New knowledge connects with what you already know, forming deeper understanding, faster recall, and sharper judgment.

And it doesn’t just help you solve problems—it makes life richer. A person who understands art enjoys a museum more. A person who studies human behavior navigates relationships more wisely. A person who understands how systems work sees opportunities others miss. If you're not sure what to learn, just follow your interests.

Knowledge compounds. The more you use it, the more valuable it becomes.

Life Dividends:

• Better decision-making

• Expanded opportunities

• Greater appreciation of everyday experiences

• Accelerated learning over time

Practical Tips:

• Keep a “learning ledger”—write down one insight every two weeks and how you applied it. (Take a look at our book summaries for inspiration)

• Choose resources with a purpose. Don’t just consume—implement.

• Teach others what you learn. That’s when it really sticks.

3. Relationships: The Most Undervalued Asset

Strong relationships don’t happen by accident. They grow through consistent deposits—attention, encouragement, shared experience.

These investments don’t just pay you back emotionally. They provide support, perspective, and energy when you need them most.

And here’s the overlooked benefit: great relationships make everything else easier. When you have people who believe in you, challenge you, or simply listen well, you make better decisions, bounce back faster, and enjoy life more.

Life Dividends:

• Deeper connection

• Support during transition

• A sense of belonging and purpose

• A stronger foundation for personal growth

Practical Tips:

• Set a recurring reminder to reach out to someone you care about each week. Instead of sending flowers when someone passes away, send it to them when they are still alive.

• Celebrate small wins with others—new jobs, personal milestones, even silly victories.

• Create rituals: monthly calls, quarterly dinners, annual trips. Rituals help keep relationships strong.

4. Health: The Freedom Multiplier

As we get older, our fitness and mobility naturally declines. Investing in your body and mind today extends your options, stamina, and presence tomorrow.

What’s more: health amplifies everything else. When you’re rested, fueled, and clear-headed, you think better, work better, and stay consistent with other habits.

Life Dividends:

• More energy and clarity

• Better mood and focus

• Ability to fully engage in life

• Greater consistency in your other goals

Practical Tips:

• Choose one keystone habit—sleep, Zone 2 exercise, healthy diet, daily stretching—and protect it.

• Track how you feel after your habits, not just what you did.

• Stack small wins: movement, hydration, sleep—improve 1%, consistently.

5. Skills: Tools That Keep Opening Doors

Skills give you options. Communication, leadership, coding, design, writing—whatever your craft, developing it creates leverage for you.

And once you have a skill, no one can take it away from you. You carry it into every job, relationship, and opportunity.

Skills also create momentum. The confidence you gain from learning one skill makes it easier to tackle the next. And as your skillset expands, so does your sense of identity and self-trust.

Life Dividends:

• Career leverage

• Creative freedom

• A stronger sense of self-efficacy

• Motivation and momentum to learn more

Practical Tips:

• Pick one skill that excites you and solves a real problem in your life.

• Schedule consistent “practice sessions”—even 20 minutes a day compounds.

• Use it in real life. Apply what you’re learning to your work or community.

The Real ROI: A Life That Keeps Paying You Back

You won’t always see the return right away.

But the time you spent showing up for a friend?
The walk you took instead of doom-scrolling?
The book you underlined and actually used?
The skill you practiced even when no one was watching?

Those moments don’t disappear.
They compound.

They show up later—as strength when life gets messy, clarity when choices get hard, and joy when you need it most.

So yes—invest in your future.
But don’t forget to invest in what makes your future worth living.

Because the best dividends in life don’t show up in your bank account.
They show up in the quality of your life.

👉 What’s one small investment you can make today— that your future self will thank you for tomorrow?

The post The Best Investments Pay Life Dividends appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

And the more I thought about it, the more I realized this isn’t just about aging. It happens in parenting, in leadership, and even in our own personal development. The things we do to protect ourselves and others—avoiding risks, stepping in to help, making things easier—often have unintended consequences. Here’s what I’ve learned about when helping actually hurts.

1. Protecting the Body Can Weaken It

As people get older, they often cut back on physical activity to avoid injuries. On the surface, this makes sense—less movement means fewer chances to fall or strain a muscle. But this avoidance accelerates muscle loss, weakens bones, and reduces balance, making the body even more fragile and prone to injury.

One common example is the decision to move into a home without stairs. While this may reduce the immediate risk of falling, it also removes a built-in way to maintain strength, balance, and mobility. Over time, reduced activity leads to even greater physical decline, making everyday tasks harder and increasing long-term dependence on others.

But aging doesn’t have to mean physical decline. Dr. Keith Baar, a leading researcher in muscle and tendon adaptation, explains how strategic exercise can extend not only how long we live, but how long we stay active and independent. He shares eye-opening, research-backed strategies in the video below that may change the way you structure your workouts:

Instead of avoiding movement, the key is intentional movement—strength training, balance exercises, and mobility work to keep the body resilient. The real risk isn’t moving too much—it’s moving too little.

2. Overhelping Others Steals Their Growth

Parents often do too much for their kids, stepping in to “help” when they struggle. But doing their assignments, fixing their mistakes, and making things easier sends the message that they can’t do it themselves. The short-term win of a better grade or faster solution leads to long-term dependence.

In my work helping parents support their kids, I often remind them: Don’t do your child’s push-ups for them. Just like you can’t do pushups for someone else and expect them to get stronger, you can’t do your child’s homework and expect them to develop real competence. The only way they build confidence and capability is by struggling through the challenge themselves.

Likewise, in the workplace, redoing a colleague’s work might seem like the fastest way to keep things moving, but it prevents them from improving—and it makes you the bottleneck. When people don’t fully own their work, they may start expecting you to step in and fix things, leading them to put in less effort. Instead of striving for excellence, they default to good enough, knowing someone else will catch the mistakes. This creates a cycle where they never fully develop, and you end up carrying more responsibility than you should.

3. Playing It Safe at Work Limits Your Growth

At work, many people stick to tasks they already know they can do well. They avoid taking on unfamiliar projects, leading new initiatives, or pushing for a promotion—not because they’re incapable, but because they fear failure or embarrassment. Yet avoiding risk doesn’t keep you safe; it keeps you stuck.

One of the biggest mistakes professionals make is waiting for the “right” time to take risks in their careers. But as Carla Harris, Vice Chairman of Morgan Stanley Wealth Management, explains below, growth happens when you step up before you feel fully ready. The best opportunities don’t come when you’re 100% prepared—they come when you’re willing to bet on yourself.

One way professionals unintentionally hold themselves back is by refusing to delegate. Many believe, It’s faster if I just do it myself, but this thinking keeps them trapped in routine work rather than focusing on higher-level projects that would advance their careers. Delegation isn’t just about efficiency—it’s about creating the space to work on what truly moves the needle.

How This Applies to You

At the heart of these examples is a simple truth: Growth requires discomfort.

• Muscles grow when they are pushed beyond comfort.
• Kids become independent when they struggle and figure things out.
• Professionals advance when they take risks and own their work.

If you want to improve yourself (and help others do the same), resist the urge to overprotect, overhelp, or over-control. Instead, ask:

👉 Where am I avoiding discomfort in a way that’s holding me back?
👉 Am I stepping in because it’s truly best for them, or because it’s easier for me?
👉 Am I prioritizing short-term ease over long-term growth?

Real progress happens when we let go of the safety nets that keep us stuck. The next time you’re tempted to take the easier route, consider whether it’s actually keeping you (or someone else) from getting stronger. If you want to go fast, take the easy path. But if you want to go far, embrace the challenge.

Photo by Claudio Schwarz

The post The Unintended Consequences of Overprotection: When Helping Hurts appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Many of us, myself included, tend to see routines and rules as restrictive rather than beneficial. We often associate rules with discipline and punishment, rather than as tools that can help us achieve our goals. However, in the spirit of leading by example, I've been leveraging routines and rules in my own life to help improve my own health.

One health goal that I've personally struggled with is getting adequate sleep. Despite needing to wake up early most days, I would find myself struggling to fall asleep before midnight. I've read numerous books and written a few articles on sleep, but it wasn't until I learned more about Dr. Satchin Panda's research on the circadian rhythm did I finally find a solution that worked.

Dr. Panda's research shows that food and light are the inputs that help regulate our circadian rhythm. By understanding how to strike the balance around using our bodies in the best possible way, we can set rules and routines that will help us achieve our health goals.

Before I share the routines and rules that have helped me achieve better sleep, it's important to note that there is no one-size-fits-all solution. What works for me may not work for you. Therefore, it's essential to experiment and find what routines and rules work best for you.

Here are the ones that have helped me:

Routine 1: Eat between 12pm-8pm

Some call this intermittent fasting, while others refer to it as time-restricted eating. Regardless of the label, I found the idea of limiting my daily food intake to a specific window of time helpful in regulating my circadian rhythm. Dr. Panda's research shows that our bodies are designed to consume food during daylight hours, and we should refrain from eating late at night. By setting this routine, I've noticed that I sleep better and wake up feeling more rested.

Routine 2: Follow natural light

Our bodies are designed to respond to natural light, and exposure to bright light in the morning can help regulate the circadian rhythm and improve sleep. Conversely, exposure to blue light from electronic devices in the evening can interfere with sleep. I found spending time outside in the morning and limiting my use of electronic devices in the evening has helped with my sleep. I've also replaced the light bulbs in my bedroom with a dimmer orange light and changed my screen brightness settings on both my laptop (Night Light Feature) and phone to mimic natural light.

Routine 3: Practice relaxation techniques

Stress can be a major contributor to sleep issues, and incorporating relaxation techniques into your routine can help manage stress and promote better sleep. This can include practices such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga. Personally, I've found that practicing deep breathing exercises before bed helps calm my mind and prepare my body for sleep. You can see a short video demo of a simple relaxation technique from Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard Medical School.

In addition to these specific routines, there are also some general rules that can promote overall health and wellness (you probably know these rules already, but the key question is whether you are putting them to practice on a daily basis):

Rule 1: Get ample, high-quality sleep

Getting enough sleep is essential for overall health and well-being, and most adults require 7-9 hours of sleep per night. To ensure a good night's sleep, it's important to create a sleep-conducive environment, such as keeping your bedroom cool, quiet, and dark. You may also want to avoid caffeine and alcohol late in the day.

Rule 2: Stay hydrated

Drinking enough water is important for many bodily functions, including regulating body temperature and aiding in digestion. Aim to drink at least 8 glasses of water per day, and more if you are physically active or in a hot environment. Some argue that you'll want to stop drinking water a few hours before you plan to sleep, so your urge to use the bathroom doesn't interrupt your sleep cycle.

Rule 3: Move your body

Regular physical activity is important for maintaining overall health and preventing chronic diseases such as heart disease and diabetes. Aim to get at least 30 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise most days of the week. Be creative about how you get your movement in every day. Some people like to use a step counter, while others park their car far away from the entrance so it forces them to walk. I personally enjoy walking meetings.

Rule 4: Eat real food that gives you sustained energy

There is so much advice on different diets that it can seem overwhelming in terms of figuring out what you should and shouldn't eat (especially when the advice is contradictory). What most experts can agree on is the importance to avoid processed and sugary foods and drinks. Balance and moderation are good ideas to keep in mind along with eating whole foods (foods that look like their natural form because they haven't been processed. For example, an apple is a whole food while apple pie is not a whole food since you can't find apple pies in nature.

By implementing these routines and rules into your daily life, you can help promote better health and wellness. Remember that consistency is key, and it's important to find routines and rules that work for you and your lifestyle. Whether it's limiting your food intake to a specific window of time, practicing relaxation techniques before bed, or staying hydrated throughout the day, small changes can add up to make a big difference in your overall health and well-being.

Photo by Some Tale

The post Health Hack: Unleashing the Transformative Power of Routines and Rules appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

To help you make the most out of the life ahead of you, Cornell Professor Dr. Karl Pillemer has compiled the practical advice of over 1500 people in their 70s and beyond on how to live a fulfilling life. Since these individuals have actually lived their life, they have a perspective that we don't have (Imagine if you could tell the younger you what you know now...)

Before covering Dr. Pillemer's 30 Lessons for Living, here is a preview of the advice common to almost all of the people interviewed:

• Happiness is a choice and not a result of how life treats you - life is "too short to waste on pessimism, boredom, and disillusionment." None of the interviewees associated happiness with "working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want."
• When possible, take the plunge - say yes to opportunities because it'll enrich your life
• Pursue meaningful work that you look forward to every day
• Travel
• Don't go to bed angry
• Be honest with yourself and others
• Avoid judgment - let others, including yourself, live their life

The 30 lessons are organized into six major sections with five lessons for each section (this is a long post so feel free to skip around):

• Marriage or building deep relationships with your lifelong partner
• Pursuing a meaningful career
• Raising children
• Aging gracefully
• Living a life without regrets
• Being happy

Marriage or Building Deep Relationships with Your Lifelong Partner

1. Find a Partner Who Shares Your Core Values and Is Your Friend

The original advice in the book was "Marry Someone a Lot Like You." Since we can be similar in many ways to someone, yet have different values, the focus when finding a lifelong partner is to find alignment between your approaches to life. Note the emphasis on finding alignment as opposed to creating alignment. Often, it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we or the other person will convert to make the relationship work, but that's rarely the case. If you value saving money as a path to a good life, and the other person values spending money as a path to a good life, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle to make the relationship work. Recognize that to take this advice, you'll need to be clear about your own values (how to figure out your values).

2. Make Sure You're Friends

Are you good friends with your lifelong partner?

In addition to having similar core values, you also want someone you enjoy spending time with. Our friends are people we want to see because we like talking to them and can relax around them. The interviewees recommend that, when possible, you should marry your best friend (maybe being placed in the "friend zone" is not a bad thing. Now, if you're in the friend zone, consider sharing this article with your friend who you would like to be more than a friend)

3. Don't Keep Score

Great relationships are not transactional. Both sides are trying to contribute more to the relationship. In The 80/80 Marriage, husband-and-wife team Kaley and Nate Kemp recommends each partner focus on contributing 80% to building the best possible relationship. By focusing on increasing your own contributions, you will pay more attention to what else you can do as opposed to what else the other person should be doing.

Ask, "What can I do for my partner? How can I make my partner a little happier today?" as opposed to "Am I getting what I need from my partner?" Look for ways to give more than you can get. If you're truly friends (lesson #2), the other person will likely reciprocate. Doesn't hurt to keep one-upping each other in showing your love.

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

To keep the relationship running smoothly, you'll need to be able to talk through conflict. You won't always agree with the other person, but if you can't talk through it, resentment builds. Although the advice is to talk to each other, a big part of defusing the situation is to listen to your partner and sincerely and clearly show that you're listening. That means acknowledging what you're hearing and playing back what you heard. Always let the other person have their say. One question that might help unknot a struggle is to ask, "Which one of us is this more important to?" Knowing this will make it easier for the other person to let it go (especially if you're focusing on advice #3).

5. Commit to the Promise You've Made to Each Other

Since I can remember, divorce rates seems to be trending up and getting steeper. There are positive reasons for separation such as people feeling empowered to leave relationships that are not working out freeing both parties to find better partners. At the same time, some of the interviewees suggest treating marriage, or the promise to stay together, as less of a "voluntary partnership" but as a "profound cultural arrangement" that should be entered into seriously both when deciding to marry and when deciding to part. This advice seems easier if you follow #1-4. One way to help you go the distance is to avoid going to bed angry - most disagreements "aren't worth more than a day's combat."

Pursuing a Meaningful Career

6. Choose a Career that You Enjoy, Not Just One That Makes You Money

When the interviewees looked in the rearview mirror after a long life, one thing that was clear is that "time well and enjoyably spent trumps money anytime." Look for a job, calling, career, whatever you want to call it, that makes you happy and sits at the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what serves others (so you can reap some form of financial reward - those bills don't pay themselves). Work that leads to personal growth, meaningful relationships, and contribution to the community will often result in a happier life. Since we spend much of our adult lives working, find work where the work itself fulfills you and you have a passion for it.

7.  Don't Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy

It's likely that you read advice #6 and said, "That might work for some people, but that's just not feasible for me. Besides, I don't need to be happy at work. Work is work and play is play." Of course, you're entitled to choose whichever path you would like. See each piece of advice as something the future-you might tell the present-you.

If you're not finding your work meaningful or fulfilling, those who have gone ahead of you recommend that you don't stop trying to find a job you would really enjoy. Take a moment right now and think about whether you enjoyed going to work this past week/month. If not, what would you enjoy doing? Don't get hung up on feasibility for now - just brainstorm what jobs you would love to do or try. Consider taking the Know What You Want Workshop to help you figure it out (it's free if you're serious about completing it - just find the code at the bottom of this article on 30 Qualities of Highly Successful People).

The interviewees advise: "Don't be afraid to move around and try different things, no matter how old you are." Do give yourself a time limit to figure things out and understand that you'll often need to take a risk to make a move toward the job that makes you happy.

8. Make the Most of a Bad Job

As you're continuing to look for the job you love (#7) to be in a career that is intrinsically rewarding (#6), you may still need to put up with the job you have. To help you cope, focus on doing what you can to leverage your current job to help you refine what you want, what your capabilities are, and what's right for you. Learn as much as you can about yourself and pay attention to which work activities energize you and which drain you. Study what makes good bosses, colleagues, and businesses strong and what makes poor leaders, co-workers, and companies weak. No matter what job you're in, do it well so you continue to build your reputation, confidence, and competence.

9. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Your ability to work well with others is critical for your success. Whether you're inspiring others, gaining consensus, or building deep relationships, it's often the soft skills that propel you in your career, especially at the more senior levels. A linchpin to emotional intelligence is having and showing empathy. You will likely hit on the right approach if you keep in mind that others don't have the same goals, motivations, or beliefs as you do. You'll find yourself more accepting of others and slow in judging their way of working.

Cultivate the humility to recognize that almost always others will know more about their particular area than you do and the key to working well with others is to keep the focus on them and their needs. Rarely will people care about your goals and KPIs above their own. One piece of advice from the interviewees is to "take others seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously."

10. Prioritize Autonomy

Early in our lives, we have more time than we know what to do with so it's easy to give it away to others or to use it less sparingly. Many of us are very willing to trade in our time for money, which we need to live the life we want. As you'll see in advice #26, as we get older, time becomes our most precious resource, and we'll want to be more hesitant to trade time for money. It's easy to choose a career based on potential earnings, but it's a high cost if those earnings come at the expense of your independence (especially if you don't love what you do). Prioritize gaining more freedom from the job you have - to do so practically, you'll often need to be 1) excellent at your job, 2) living below your means, and 3) focused on valuing time over money.

Raising Children

11. Maximize the Quantity of Time Spent Together

When spending time with your children, quality AND quantity matter. Closeness in a relationship comes from being together. I learned this lesson firsthand going through the COVID-19 pandemic. By being at home more, I realized that my kids would open up to me, not when I asked them how their day went, but during random times when we were together taking a walk, watching a show, or drawing unicorns. It made me wonder how many of these moments I was missing when I was away either physically or mentally.

According to those who have lived a long life, your children "don’t want your money (or what your money buys) anywhere near as much as they want you. Specifically, they want you with them." In practice, this might mean indulging in the activities they want to do, as opposed to imposing what you want to do together as a family (I'm still trying to work on this!) If you're serious about building a relationship with your kids, measure the time you spend being present with your kids or other loved ones as a good way to gauge quality time. Be willing to sacrifice other commitments to have this shared time. A bonus for spending time with your kids is that you have a better sense of who they are, what they are going through, what they enjoy doing, and how they see the world.

12. Avoid Showing Favoritism

It's normal to have favorites - maybe your child shares common interests with you, or has a similar personality, but it's critical to never show favoritism to your children. Kids pick up on favorites - my older son recently accused us of favoring his younger brother because we have more of his brother's drawings up on the wall. We didn't even realize we were doing that since the real reason for the lopsided balance of wall art is that our younger son is constantly asking us to put his drawings on the wall. Be aware of your words and actions that may be interpreted or misinterpreted as favoring one child over another. One thing you can do to reduce this risk is to avoid comparing your kids. For more tips, check out Siblings Without Rivalry.

13. Don't Hit Your Kids

This might be a controversial piece of advice depending on where you're from and your cultural upbringing. As with all advice, do what will work for you. One question I've found helpful to ask myself when needing to discipline is, "Would I treat any other person the way I'm about to treat my child?" This is much harder to do when I'm hijacked by anger. I try to keep in mind the advice from the interviewees that "discipline should be very quiet and controlled, but kind," since they've seen the longer-term fall out of their actions.

Physical punishment may feel like it's solving the immediate problem, but it may teach your child lessons that you may not want them to learn such as "I need to do everything I can to please authority figures," "force wins when words don't," "it's ok to hurt others if they aren't doing what I want them to do." 20 years of research show that corporal punishment does more harm than good. According to the interviewees, hitting is a failure in parenting, and they believed "in firmness, in maintaining a clear moral compass, and in setting limits. But they are remarkably unified on the idea that corporal punishment of children is a disciplinary dead end that spoils the relationship, leaving emotional marks that last long after childhood."

14. Do Whatever You Can to Prevent Rifts

Interviewees who were estranged from their children strongly regretted losing the bond with their kids. Reflecting back on how heavily this rift weighed on them and the pain they felt as life went on, they recommend avoiding it at all costs. If you sense a rift is occurring, take the lead to act immediately to defuse it. This will often mean being the first to apologize or compromise. The longer you wait to mend a break the harder it becomes to reconcile. In some cases, it never blows over and you become separated forever. Although what you are fighting over may seem important at that moment, it's likely not worth severing the relationship you have with your child.

15.  Build a Lifelong Relationship with Your Children

It's easy as parents to focus on launching our children into adulthood. Although helping our children grow up to live the life they want is critical, you'll want to be a part of their lives. No matter their age, look for ways to help them feel welcome at home and be open to sharing things with you. A good way to do so is to be non-judgmental. No one wants to be nagged at, constantly be given advice, or told that they should be living their life another way (no matter how good your intentions might be). Enjoy their company and act in ways so they enjoy yours.

Aging Gracefully

16. Look Forward to Being Old (It's better than you think!)

In some cultures, being an elder is revered and respected. In others, it can feel more like a looming expiration date of one's relevance. What is inevitable is that we will get older and if we're lucky, we'll become very old. Those who are squarely in that camp right now advise us to not waste time worrying about aging. They highlight how being old comes with a "sense of calm and easiness in daily life" where you can do whatever you want. You're no longer shackled by the expectations or responsibilities you might feel earlier in life (or maybe you just care less). That sounds like something to look forward to!

17. Act Now like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years

Many of the interviewees highlight the importance of taking care of your body now. They emphasize that "it's not dying you should worry about it - it's chronic disease." Often the result of poor health decisions is not an early death, but decades of suffering for you and those who need to take care of you. When deciding today whether to eat right or exercise, understand that your health choices and habits accumulate. The focus is not on how long you will live, but on how you are going to live. Hopefully, this advice will give you pause when you hear yourself justifying a poor life choice with the excuse, "So what? We all have to die sometime." For some guidance, check out this free healthy living guide from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

18. Don't Fret About Dying

Those who are closest to the end of their lives find themselves worrying less about dying. They found that they end up falling into "a mix of interest, curiosity, and acceptance." If those who need to worry most about dying aren't doing so, why should you?

19. Actively Stay Connected to Others

As you become older, it's natural for your social circles to shrink. People you know may have moved away or passed away. You're becoming less mobile. You're no longer in natural social settings like work, school events, etc. Actively fight against isolation by involving yourself in social networks that all you to stay connected to others. One tip shared by a number of interviewees is to take advantage of classes and other learning opportunities. You get to meet new people who have a common interest and see them on a regular basis. For the introverts out there, you don't need to attend big social gatherings, but do push yourself to meet new people. For some ideas, check out The Introvert's Guide to Social Engagement (Harvard Health).

20. Plan Ahead on Where You'll Live and Share Your Post-Life Wishes

As you get older, you'll want to choose a place to live that will help you stay connected to the people you want to be with. A number of the interviewees commented on their move to a senior living community as one of the best decisions of their lives since it allows them to meet new people and "have a life." You'll also want to accept and adapt to your changing physical abilities and situation and select activities that fit the current-you. That might mean switching from breakdancing to swimming, or hiking less ambitious trails because the view may not be worth the risk of injury. As part of your planning, think about the decisions that others may need to make about you when you pass. To prevent arguments or speculation amongst your loved ones, state clearly what you want in writing.

Living a Life Without Regrets

21. Be Honest

Almost all the interviewees cited honesty as one of the major values and principles to live by. The longer you're alive the more you'll see the importance of integrity and trust. Dishonesty creates pressure and stress for you - keeping the facts straight, living with the fear of being found out, or dealing with the short- and long-term implications of a tarnished reputation. Living honestly seems to be the easier road to travel (even though it often feels like the harder one to take).

22. Say Yes to Opportunities

We can unknowingly limit ourselves because we're only aware of the things we've done and completely oblivious to what we could potentially do. To help you live life to the fullest, the elders interviewed in this book recommend saying yes to opportunities that come your way "unless you've got a really solid reason to say no." By being open to new ventures and experiences, you learn more about yourself to make even better decisions in the future. Move to a new country. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Do the thing you've been putting off until the right time. The interviewees who took a risk in their careers often look back with the most satisfaction in their work lives. Don't ask "why?" Ask "why not?"

23. Travel More

Rarely do people regret traveling too much. No matter how much traveling the interviewees did, most of them wished they had traveled more. As we get older, we may not be able to travel to as many places, so the elders recommend younger people to travel now while they have the time, physical ability, and freedom to do so. Because of the many benefits of traveling, prioritize it over other things you may spend money on. Travel will challenge you, broaden your horizons, and help you learn about yourself. Start by listing the places you want to go and book a trip today. You'll likely not regret that decision.

24. Select a Lifelong Mate with Extreme Care

There are three common scenarios that the interviewees highlight as potentially disastrous when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner:

1. "Fall passionately in love and commit immediately
2. Commit out of desperation that no one better will come along
3. Drift or fall into marriage without the choice or the reasons ever becoming clear"

Their core advice is to hit pause and think through this important decision. Don't rush because marrying the wrong person can be extremely painful. Take time to know the other person well (which isn't easy early in a relationship when everyone is putting their best foot forward). Observe the little things that may give you hints about who they are deep down and ask yourself whether it's something you can accept. Remember to look for similar core values (#1) and strong friendship (#2) as well to help you choose a mate that can bring you lifelong happiness. A good question to ask: "Is this the person you want by your side as you face tough life challenges?"

25. Say It Now

Countless movies have been made about the regret of leaving things unsaid. If there is something meaningful you want to say to someone, don't wait. Do it now. This might be telling someone how much you love them or apologizing to mend a relationship where you don't even remember what you were fighting about. Look to clear the air.

One piece of advice that stuck with me was, "Send flowers to the living. The dead never see them." You may also want to think about the questions you want to know especially from your aging parents - where did they come from, what were you like as a child, and what advice might they give on living a good life? You'll see at the end of this article a list of questions to ask the elders in your life.

Being Happy

26. Value Time Over Everything

Life is truly short and no group knows this better than the one interviewed for this book. Despite all the years they've been alive, the oldest folks in the group were the most surprised by how fast time has gone. Their advice is to seriously recognize how limited time really is and to purposefully decide how to take advantage of each day. They see each day as a gift and with an "unharvested abundance of pleasure, enjoyment, love, and beauty that many younger people miss."

To keep you from squandering the day you're given, purposefully use your life minutes. What is it that you want to do right now with your time? Be extra sensitive to phrases like, "I'll do [desired activity] when [future time or event occurs]," or "I can't wait until [insert positive result or event]" because that day may never come. Don't put things off that you've been wanting to do, learn, say, experience. Shift the focus from what is going to happen to what's happening now. Be more "lavish" with the present time because it's the only time you have. I've been guilty of saving a nice bottle of champagne until it goes bad or sparingly using expensive accessories for special occasions. We can't get back the days that passed, but we can make the most of the days ahead.

One idea that really stuck out for me from the interviews is to "skip the funerals and see your friends now." Here is what one interviewee shared:

"We’ve told most of our close friends: We’re not going to show up at their funerals because we can’t stand funerals. But we are going to show up at any party or happy thing they invite us to."

What a wonderful idea!

27. Choose Happiness on a Daily Basis

The interviewees strongly recommend taking responsibility for your own happiness and seeing happiness as a choice you make, and not a result of your current condition. If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, initiate change to move away from that. Although you won't be able to control what happens to you, you can choose your attitude and reactions to them. Feelings like anger, fear, disappointment, annoyance, and resentment are created from our thoughts and expectations even though we'll find it more convenient to blame others for causing those feelings. When you feel negative emotions, think about where it comes from and the story you're telling yourself. Then accept it, and let it go. You're in charge of your life - don't let outside forces impact how you feel and what you decide to do.

One way to choose happiness on a daily basis is to make happiness unconditional ("I'm happy in spite of ...") as opposed to conditional ("I'm happy if only ..."). Often when our happiness is dependent on something external, it's short-lived (even when you win the lottery). In the words of one of the interviewers, "Decide not to feel sorry for yourself - get up and do what you have to do to be happy. " 

28. Don't Waste Time Worrying

Time is limited and if you're squandering it worrying, you're not spending it living. Trust that it'll work out. Worrying, on its own, doesn't solve or help with anything. Not only will it not make a difference, but it'll also likely put you in a negative state. To help you gain back some time, recognize when you're worrying and re-purpose that time for something you want to do with your life - hit the gym, learn a language, travel, or spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.

Even when you have a reason to worry, don't spend your time ruminating about the potential negative outcome. If you're afraid of something, do what is in your power to prepare and plan for it instead of wasting energy worrying about it. Once you take action to mitigate what you think might happen, don't think about it anymore.

There's rarely a good reason or excuse to worry for the sake of worrying, but if you find yourself stuck in a worrying rut, which can happen, focus on the short term (the day, hour, or minute that you're in right now) as opposed to the long term implications of what you're worried about. Here is an interviewee's reflection that might help,

"I’ve learned a lot about life and nothing bothers me anymore. And it gets to be so, and it’s just the way it is. Acceptance, yes. If you don’t accept it, you go down the drain. Be calm, go with the flow. People worry about dying, about everything."

29. Savor the Little Things in Life

As we live life, it's easy to focus on the milestone moments of our lives - our birthday, our graduation, our wedding, our big promotion, our new house. Those events are worth celebrating, but often we might be missing opportunities to savor the micro-delights that occur daily in our lives - a smile from our child, the beautiful weather, a good swim, a funny text exchange. By noticing the little things in life that bring us joy, we are increasing our own happiness on a daily basis, which is important especially since we're not guaranteed the future. Find the daily treasures in your life. If you're looking for it, you'll find it. As someone who is often too future-oriented, I set a reminder to think about a daily delight at noon each day. It draws my attention to something positive and sets a great tone for the second half of the day.

30. Have Faith

Believe in something beyond you - this might be a religion, philosophy, or credo. Look for ways to be a part of a community and to have a spiritual practice that you can do with others. The interviewees have found faith helpful to place suffering in context and a belief in a higher power often focuses us to care not only for ourselves but others as well. One common refrain amongst the world's religions is the idea of the golden rule:

"Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." 

The golden rule works because to follow it, you'll need to empathize with other people and understand their perspectives and how they might feel about your actions. Being kind, showing compassion, lending a helping hand, and treating others with respect are some of the natural behaviors of following this time-tested rule.

So, you've made it to the end of this list! Hopefully, this list will help you make the most of the minutes ahead of you. We'll wrap with this final thought from one of the interviewees:

"I have had to live simply but eventually I realized that it is the best way for me to live. To know what is enough, not to use more than my share of the earth’s resources, to recognize the difference between wants and needs, to enjoy the pleasure of making something broken of use again, and learning to appreciate simple pleasures has made my life more satisfying and less worrisome. Happiness does not depend on how much we have but is based on personal success of skills and artistry, a sense of humor, the acquisition of knowledge, the refinement of character, the expression of gratitude, the satisfaction of helping others, the pleasure of friends, the comfort of family, and the joy of love."

Feel free to share this article with those who you think might benefit. Please share any life lessons you've learned that you might share with a younger you.

You can find a searchable directory of advice at The Legacy Project.

Questions to Ask the Elders in Your Life

If you have elders in your life that you would like to interview, here are ten questions Pillemer recommends:

1. What are some of the most important lessons you feel you have learned over the course of your life? If the person has difficulty getting started, try this follow-up question: If a young person asked you, “What have you learned in your X years in this world,” what would you tell him or her?

2. What kinds of advice would you have about getting and staying married? Follow-ups: What’s the secret of a long marriage? What mistakes should young people avoid regarding getting and staying married? What advice would you have for a younger couple thinking of calling it quits?

3. What kinds of advice do you have about raising children? Follow-ups: What mistakes should people avoid in child rearing?

4. Do you have any advice you can share about finding fulfilling work and how to succeed in a career?

5. Some people say that they have had difficult or stressful experiences but they have learned important lessons from them. Is that true for you? Can you give examples of what you learned?

6. As you look back over your life, do you see any “turning points”; that is, a key event or experience that changed the course of your life or set you on a different track? Follow-ups: What are some of the important choices or decisions you made that you have learned from?

7. What would you say you know now about living a happy and successful life that you didn’t know when you were twenty?

8. What would you say are the major values or principles that you live by?

9. Have you learned any lessons regarding staying in good health?

10. What advice would you give to people about growing older?

Photo by Peter Conlan

The post 30 Life Lessons from Over a Thousand People Who Have Lived a Full Life appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Here’s what is great about exploring one topic through a variety of different channels: the same insights consistently show up across different people’s experiences. It’s validating. One such insight is that you can increase your happiness through intentional actions.

If you’re interested in being happier than you are right now, consider the following activities that seem to hold true for many:

1. Commit acts of kindness – whether it’s random or planned, take time out of your day to do something kind for someone else. This may be especially helpful if you’re feeling down on yourself since it takes the focus off you. It can also help you keep perspective, especially when you work with those who are in much tougher situations. In the Happy documentary, one individual increased his happiness through community service. His insight: “Life is a loan given by God and I have to pay it back with interest”.
2. Pursue intrinsic goals (personal growth, close connected relationships, community service) as opposed to extrinsic goals (money, image, status)
   • Spend more time with close family and friends. They will be with you until the end and particularly when times are tough.
   • Be what you want to be – it’s hard to be happy when you’re constantly trying to be what others want you to be. Even if you get there, you’ll most likely be disappointed. If you’re not sure what you want, take the Know What You Want online workshop (To take the course for free, email us referencing this article and we'll send you a sign-up code).
3. Add some variety to your life – whether it’s changing the music you typically listen to or taking a class on a topic foreign to you, varying your routine can revitalize your experience of the world.
4. Get some aerobic exercise – movement releases dopamine and other hormones related to your mood. It’s easy to understand and even easier to put off. The hardest part about getting exercise is to start, so don’t delay. Just put on your training shoes and get to the gym, or wherever you go for exercise. Getting ample sleep is another good way to quickly boost your mood.
5. Strive to get into flow more often – flow is what happens when you’re so absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time. People often report feeling better during and after being in flow. If you're not sure how to create the conditions to get into flow, check out this article.
6. Feel in control of your situation – when things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to blame others or the circumstances. This puts you at the whim of the universe, which can often lead to unhappiness. One way to address this dynamic is to take extreme ownership of everything that happens to you so you take back control of how you live your life.
7. Build up your resilience – resilience is the ability to recover quickly when unfortunate things happen to you. One method I’ve found helpful is to diversify your life cornerstones. If achieving your work goals is a major cornerstone for you, avoid other work-related cornerstones. Consider health, relationships, or other unrelated areas where you can invest your time and energy. This way if one area of your life is not going well, you can lean into the other areas.
8. Step off the hedonic treadmill – if you find yourself trying to keep up with others on material goods or prestige (for example: type of car, status of job or school, etc.), know that you can opt out of this dissatisfaction-inducing competition. There is no need to run a race that gets you nowhere.
9. Find ways to sincerely give thanks - focus on what you have versus what you don’t have. If you can read this article, you have something to be grateful for because it means you can read one of the most common languages in the world, have access to internet, and have free time to read. Think about 2-3 specific things you’re grateful for each day to increase your happiness.
10. See time as a gift that you can use or waste. In Tim Urban’s popular article, Your Life in Weeks, he broke up our lifespan by months and then by weeks to highlight that no matter how we slice it, our time is finite. Although this realization may seem morbid, my hope is that it will encourage you to make the most out of the limited time you have.

Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert's research shows that we tend to overestimate the intensity and duration of our emotional responses to good and bad events. The good feelings you think you’ll get when you hit the lottery, get promoted, or meet your soul mate is most likely short-lived. Conversely, the lows you might be feeling now because of a job loss, bad break-up, or health issue might fade much faster than you think.

No matter what your current mood might be, consider the actions above to increase your happiness. You might also want to take this Coursera class on the Science of Well-Being.

If you have any good books or other media on increasing happiness, please share it in the comments section.

Photo by Sebastián León Prado

The post 10 Ways to Be Happier When You’re Feeling Just Fine appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Then, like clockwork, life gets in the way.

Work gets too busy, you get injured or kids come into your life and your routine goes out the window.

When this cycle keeps repeating itself, it's easy to give up on getting back in shape. Why bother going to the gym if you end up stopping in a few months? Why cut out carbs if you're just going to make exceptions for the holidays?

If you're reading this article, you probably don't want to give up. You understand that if you don't take care of your body, bad things WILL happen. Our health is directly related to what we eat, how much we sleep and how active we are. These elements also help manage our mental health as well.

The best way to get back into shape is to immediately restart your routine. Don't overthink it, just do it. To re-ignite a workout that's motivating, follow these steps:

1. Choose a measurable exercise method and schedule that's so easy and convenient for you that you won't have an excuse to say no (example: 2 push-ups a day)
2. Schedule this exercise on your calendar or tie it to a specific trigger (example: I will do this workout right after I wake up in the morning)
3. Track your progress every time (you can use apps like Momentum)
4. Increase the intensity of the exercise every week (example: next week, I'll do 3 push ups)
5. Continue for 3 months and then choose another exercise regime that's appropriate for your enhanced level of fitness

The most important part is to get started again. What will keep you motivated is knowing that you're making progress so don't forget to measure your progress. In the beginning, the progress will be in the form of increased repetition or weights. As you keep going, positive changes in your physique and energy will help fuel the routine.

Once you stop seeing progress in your current routine, immediately find another routine that can push you further.

If life derails your routine, just restart at step one.

Below is a one-month workout that my good friend, Leighton Kuet at LK Fit, shared with me. I use this routine every time I need to get back into shape and it works very well (especially if I measure my progress after every workout).

Body-weight starter exercise - Recommended frequency - 3 days a week

Week 1:

Superset - 3 reps each exercise with 2-minute rest in between each exercise in the following order.

1. Max Pushup
2. Max Pull up
3. Max Sit up
4. Max Burpee

Week 2:

Superset - 3 reps each exercise with 90-second rest in between each exercise in the following order.

1. Max Burpee
2. Max Pull up
3. Max Pushup
4. Max Sit up

Week 3:

Superset - 3 reps each exercise with 60-second rest in between each exercise in the following order.

1. Max Pull Up
2. Max Pushup
3. Max Burpee
4. Max Sit up

Week 4:

Superset -3 reps each exercise with no rest in between each exercise in the following order.

1. Max Pushup
2. Max Pull up
3. Max Sit up
4. Max Burpee

Leighton has other more customized routines as well based on your goals. If you're interested, reach out to him here.

Photo by E'Lisa Campbell

The post How to get back into shape  appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

I read on average 1-2 books a week (the silver lining to a long commute to work). Most of the books, I read once, glean the key ideas and never re-read again. This is why I take notice when a book deeply impacts my view of the world.

Below are 10 books I wish I read when I was younger because they've positively changed the way I live my life.

1. The LOL2A-Principle

This book recommended by my German colleague started me on the road to personal mastery. Your world is what you think of it. Change your thinking, change your world. LOL2A = Letting gO, (Love x2) and Action/Reaction.

2. The China Study

If you want independent, hard research on the best way to eat for good health, this is the book for you.

Spoiler alert: Eat plant-based, whole foods. Stay away from processed foods.

3. What Color is Your Parachute

This book set me in the right direction towards my dream job. Learn about yourself and find the job that fits you as opposed to fitting yourself to a job that you probably don't like. I've distilled the best exercises from this book and a few others in my Know What You Want course.

4. Atlas Shrugged

What if all the productive members of society decided to quit because lazier members kept condemning them for being rationally selfish and forcing them to share the wealth?

Inspired me to take responsibility and do great work - don't expect a handout or a hand up. Rise on your own.

5. Nonviolent Communication (my summary)

I'm not a fan of the title but the process itself is excellent for asserting your viewpoint and needs effectively. Don't make others feel guilty for how you feel. Take responsibility for your actions and intentions, not how others feel. Request, don't demand. Receive empathically.

6. How to Win Friends and Influence People

The best way to win an argument is to avoid it. Don't criticize, condemn or complain. Smile, be sincere, and genuinely take an interest in other people. Remember names and make the other person feel important. These practical tips along with many others are worth mastering.

7. Thinking Fast and Slow

We are biased. This book shares why and how our perspective is skewed and what we can do about it.

What you see is all there is - be careful of finding meaning when there is none. Self-control requires attention and effort. We have an unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance.

Many books out there derive from concepts in this book. Save yourself time and read this one first.

8. On Writing Well

Great writing engages and moves the reader from one sentence to the next. Be genuine, crisp, and interesting. This essential guide from the late Bill Zinsser covers the core principles, methods, forms, and attitudes to writing effectively.

9. Sleep Smarter

Sleep has been a part of our lives since we've been born so it's easy to think we know how to sleep. This book shows you that both Quality and Quantity matters. If you're feeling too tired to read this book, here is my quick guide to get quality sleep.

10. High Output Management

Andy Grove, the former CEO of Intel, wrote this excellent reference for managing others. Whether you run a business or just run your family, you'll find simple yet powerful advice that works to improve productivity, enhance your decision-making skills and prioritize what's most important.

If you enjoyed this list and want more suggestions, go here for all of my book recommendations by topic. You can also see book summaries of my favorite books in the Long Story Short section.

The post 10 books I wish I read earlier in my life but glad I still read them eventually appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

You don't need Arianna Huffington, the government, or me to tell you why it's important to get better sleep.

You know you need it but have trouble getting enough of it. Maybe you have too much to do, maybe it's restlessness or insomnia or maybe you do get enough hours of sleep but still feel tired. Whatever your reasons, you just want to sleep better.

I completely understand.

I'm often sleep deprived because I stay up to get stuff done. Even when I try to sleep, my mind is on all the things I want to accomplish and I find myself at my computer working into the early morning. At the same time, I recognize that I spend many days being distracted and tired. This negative cycle began to change after I read sleep expert Shawn Stevenson's book, Sleep Smarter. He makes a strong case for sleep and shares some simple tips that have helped me get more sleep yet still stay productive.

Here are my favorites:

Tip #1 - Schedule sleep on your calendar. Each sleep cycle is about 90 minutes so you want to schedule 6 hours, 7.5 hours, or 9 hours of sleep, or else you'll risk waking up groggy.

Tip #2 - Reframe sleep as a reward - see it as something you GET to do, not HAVE to do.

Tip #3 - Try to get some sun every day for at least 30 minutes every morning.

Tip #4 - Turn off all screens at least 90 minutes before bedtime.

Tip #5 - Cut caffeine after 12pm.

Tip #6 - Keep your bedroom cool (optimal temperature is 60-68 degrees Fahrenheit). Wear socks if you get cold.

Tip #7 - Try to sleep around 10-11pm. Shawn calls this the "money time" when it comes to sleep. Also, remember that it's important to keep your sleep schedule consistent.

Tip #8 - Eat whole foods and more proteins and fats over carbs. Avoid drinking 3 hours and eating 90 minutes before you go to bed.

Tip #9 - Use an air ionizer or humidifier or open windows to get good airflow. Getting plants can help as well.

Tip #10 - Make sure your bedroom triggers sleep. Create a relaxed and calm room by using blackout curtains and keeping work and electronics away from the bedroom.

Tip #11 - Exercise in the morning or late afternoon. Remember that muscles grow from restorative sleep not just from training. Like sleep, schedule your workouts.

Tip #12 - Get a good mattress and know your preferred sleeping position.

Tip #13 - Meditate right after you wake up or when you go to bed to clear any mental clutter. When trying to sleep, relax your body with this technique.

Tip #14 - Wake up when the sun rises and go to bed around the same time each night, (give or take 30 minutes). If you have trouble waking up early, try these ideas. This tip was echoed in Why We Sleep by Dr. Matthew Walker. If this is difficult for you, aim to wake up at the same time every day and sleep when you are tired.

Tip #15 - Wear loose clothing or nothing at all when sleeping.

Pick and choose the tips that work for you and your lifestyle. Find ways to measure how you feel each day so you can gauge which changes work best for you.

What practical sleeping tips have worked for you? Please share them in the comments section.

Here is a bonus infographic for you on sleep:

Photo by Magdalena

The post Need Sleep? 15 Simple Ways to Get Better Sleep appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Thanksgiving

Not only does it bring my family together for great food and company, it also serves as trip wire to reflect on the year and all the things to be grateful for.

These days, in this era of busyness, it's so easy to go from one task to the next without taking time to appreciate what we have and what we've done. To stop and self reflect almost seems like a waste of time.

Deep down we know it's important to be grateful. The reason we don't do it more often, besides forgetting, might be because we see it more as an obligation rather than a benefit. When you act out of responsibility as opposed to desire, motivation wanes. No one looks forward to meeting an expectation unless they can see a real advantage for doing so.

For those of you who know of, believe in and have reaped the benefits of gratitude, feel free to stop here and take a few moments to give thanks for your year. For those of you finding it difficult to show sincere gratitude, perhaps the following benefits can get you started:

Benefit #1 - It makes you happier.

When you give thanks, you're acknowledging that good things happen to you.  The more you do it, the more you realize how lucky you are. It helps your mind highlight and focus on the great things that are happening in your life. This sensitivity will make you happier than if you adopt the more common "complainer mindset". When you complain, you prime your brain to draw its attention to the bad things happening in your life.

It's all about perspective.

We all have our share of positive and negative events in our lives, by being more grateful we consciously choose to focus on what's going well which unsurprisingly makes us happier and more optimistic. Where you focus your attention is your reality.

Take Action: Write down three things you're grateful for everyday. Use your smartphone or a small notepad.

Benefit #2 - It improves your health.

Research shows that those who often express gratitude and appreciation are more relaxed, sleep better and have stronger immune systems.  If you want to be healthier, find more ways to give thanks.

Take Action: Verify this claim for yourself

• Estimate how many sick days you've taken on average each year
• Start being noticeably more grateful beginning this coming January
• At the end of next year, note how many sick days you took the this year and compare it with the number of sick days you took during your "year of gratitude"
• If it works for you, keep it going and consider giving even more thanks

Benefit #3 - It enhances your reputation.

When you show sincere appreciation, other people are more inclined to help you because they know you'll be grateful to them. Think of the last few times you helped someone and they were appreciative.

How did it make you feel? How likely would you help them again?

Now think of a situation where people felt entitled to your help and was not grateful. How did you feel then?

If you build a reputation of being grateful, you'll get the support you need when you need it.

Take Action: Write a letter, email or thank you note to someone who's had a positive impact on your life this year and send it to them. Repeat as often as you can.

You now have three good reasons along with simple action steps you can take to be more grateful. For those of you who still don't feel like giving thanks, you may want to do it anyway.

One more thing ...

For those of you adept at thanking others, remember to thank yourself. It's easy to forget all the things you have done for you. This is especially true if you are humble. Take time to appreciate yourself and the hard work you've put into achieving your goals and making your life better. Think about all the sacrifices you've made to live the life you have now. Thank yourself for making it happen.

For those of you who've read this far - thank you.

Photo by Helgi Halldorsson

The post Why Being Grateful is the Smart Thing to Do appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

At least that’s what I believe and it has served me well.

So why is it that some of them do bad things?

Unthinkable things?

From genocides to bullying

From terrorism to financial fraud

From smoking to working way too much

People, who are generally good, end up doing a spectrum of bad things to others and to themselves.

I used to believe that it was the weakness of these people and their characters that caused them to act poorly. Bad people are just bad people and those who are influenced by their environment or by others are just weak-willed. From my personal experiences, observations and research, I now realize how mistaken I was.

In Philip Zimbardo’s book, The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil, he recounts in detail his famous Stanford Prison Experiment where college students, randomly assigned to be guards and inmates, were transformed in such a shocking way that they had to end the experiment early. Without being told how to behave, the guards naturally became brutal and sadistic while the inmates became resigned and emotionally broken (I recommend reading the book if you’re interested to see how things got to that point and the psychological analysis of why that happened.)

The roles were assigned randomly. The students who played the guards were not bad people. Those who played inmates were not weak-willed. They were both simply changed by the situation they were put in.

The lesson: Good apples in bad barrels become bad apples.

The environment that we are in has a profound effect on our thinking and actions. Most people (I was one of them) believe they can act independently of their environment not realizing how much of their action reflects the values of those around them and the situation they are in.

Why this happens: We all want to belong and gain acceptance from those around us. It’s natural and it happens without our conscious awareness. The clothes that we wear, the way we speak, the car that we buy, these decisions are all made to gain social approval. Even those who fight against the status quo and conformity want to gain acceptance from others fighting against conformity.

Take some time now to think about your own situation and your environment. If you want some guidance follow along with the steps below:

1. Is there something you do that you don’t want to do but seem helpless to stop it? (choose a few of these)
2. Think about your environment (the people around you, the books your read, the culture of your company, the physical objects that surround you, etc.) and find the connection between your undesired behavior and your environment (there is a connection so keep looking until you find it).

Some examples:

People who work late usually do so because everyone else works late. When I was working in Asia, one of the key concepts I learned was “face time” (this was before Apple redefined the word). People would literally stay in the office because everyone else was in the office and if you left early, you would be judged as being lazy or not being a team player regardless if you’ve finished your work or not.

People who consistently fail at their diets usually live in a household filled with junk food or have close friends who have poor diet and exercise habits.

People who put themselves in debt buying luxury goods are usually in an environment where status symbols are necessary to fit in. Those who don't buy the best are ostracized by the group.

“When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.”

- Japanese Proverb

Once you make the connection between your behavior and your environment, recognize that as the main cause for your negative behavior and stop blaming your lack of willpower and discipline.

This doesn’t mean you should blame the environment or your external circumstances and relieve yourself of all responsibility. No matter what you may think or feel, you CHOSE the environment you are in so you are completely responsible for your actions. When you take total responsibility for your life, you give yourself the power you need to move forward.

So what now?

Well we’ve seen how our negative behaviors are linked to our environment. Let’s start putting this tendency to conform to our environment to work for us.

The best way for us to take advantage of this phenomenon is to:

Choose or Create a Better Environment

You've identified something in your environment that is causing your undesired behavior. My question to you is how will you change your environment to get the behaviors that you want?

Common environmental aspects that people can change:

• who you spend your time with
• what you read or watch
• where you live
• where you work
• how you organize your home or office
• the food in your fridge and pantry

I didn't choose my family. 

What a waste to throw away food.

I can't afford to leave my job.

I can't abandon my friends. We've been together since we were young. 

These are legitimate concerns.

So what if you can’t escape your environment?

First, there is no such thing as can’t. You probably don’t want to or don’t know how to.

Second, if you decide that you don’t want to leave your environment because it is doing something positive for you (i.e. a bad job still helps to pay the bills), then you may want to take these steps to plan your escape:

1. Recognize that you’re getting something positive out of your current environment even though it is causing a negative behavior
2. Find alternatives to meet that positive want or need
3. Make a plan to get out of that environment
4. Execute your plan and get out of that environment (you may find The Dreams to Reality Fieldbook helpful for the last 2 steps)

How do you use this method to escape toxic friends or family or both?

Here is an example:

1. What positives are you getting from your friends and family?

You enjoy being with other people and you feel good knowing there are people who look out for you. This is especially true for family members. You feel a sense of obligation to be loyal to your family and friends and you don't want to break that loyalty. Also, you just don't want to be alone. No matter what the reason, recognize and appreciate that you are benefiting from these relationships.

2. What are your options? How can you meet these positives in another way?

You can find new friends who possess the values you want to cultivate, spend less time with existing friends and family or learn to be more comfortable being alone by taking up new hobbies. You can also consider hanging out more with friends and family who are good influences on you.

3. Create a plan to get out of your current environment.

You decide that finding new friends and spending less time with toxic friends and family is a good option. Your plan may include:

• declining group events with toxic friends and family
• attending events or club meetings with people who you believe will have a positive influence on you
• staying away from places where you would run into toxic friends and family
• actively scheduling to meet with friends and family that you do want to see more of

4. Execute your plan

Take action immediately. Schedule to meet with friends next week. Research professional associations and clubs where you'll find like-minded people. Start declining group activities that you know will lead to negative behaviors (i.e. trip to the casino).

Despite knowing that you are heavily influenced by your environment, don’t make excuses for yourself.

Your life is what you make it.

"You're only a victim once. The next time you're an accomplice."

- Naomi Judd

The post Why Good People Do Bad Things appeared first on Embrace Possibility.