First and foremost, it's important to understand that regret is a natural part of the human experience. Research has shown that we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did do. This makes sense when you consider that, as humans, we are wired to seek out new experiences and take risks. When we don't take those risks, we can feel like we've missed out on something important.

If you're struggling with regret over something you did, the first step is to try to undo it or make amends. Apologizing and taking steps to repair the situation can be a powerful way to start the process of moving past your regret. If that's not possible, try reframing the situation. Instead of saying, "If only I didn't do..." use "At least..." and focus on how the situation didn't turn out worse or an unexpected positive outcome.

For example, let's say you regret picking a major in Chemistry in college. Instead of dwelling on the "if only" statements, try reframing them with an "at least" statement. "At least it's differentiated me from my peers in the training and coaching industry" or "At least I didn't go to grad school for chemistry."

A common source of regret is things left unsaid. We may wish we had spoken up in a certain situation, or that we had expressed our feelings more clearly to someone. In these cases, it's often possible to undo the regret by taking action. If we feel like we missed an opportunity to say something important, we can try to reach out to the person and express ourselves now.

Another powerful tool for dealing with regret is self-disclosure. Talking to someone you trust about your regret can be a great way to acknowledge and process your feelings. Alternatively, you can write about your regret in a private journal. This can help you gain perspective and move past the regret.

Self-compassion is another important tool for dealing with regret. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who was going through a difficult time. What would you say to them? Use those same words to comfort and support yourself. This can help normalize and neutralize your feelings of regret, making them feel less overwhelming.

Finally, it's important to learn from your regrets. What did you learn from the situation? What can you take away from it that will help you in the future? Regret can be a powerful teacher if you allow it to be. Reflect on your experience and use what you've learned to make better decisions in the future. When it comes to future decisions, we can try to anticipate regret by considering what our values and goals are. Research suggests that there are four core regrets that people tend to have: not building a solid foundation for the future, not taking sensible risks, not doing the right thing, and not connecting with others. By keeping these regrets in mind, we can try to make decisions that align with our values and minimize the likelihood of future regret.

Of course, the best way to deal with regret is to avoid it in the first place. This is easier said than done, of course, but there are some strategies you can use to help minimize the likelihood of regretting your decisions. Daniel Pink, in his book "The Power of Regret," suggests that we "satsifice" on most decisions, especially if we're not dealing with one of the four core regrets. Essentially, this means we should aim for good enough instead of perfect for decisions that won't have a huge impact on our lives.

On the other hand, for crucial decisions that fall under the four core regrets, we should maximize our efforts. Project yourself into the future and ask yourself what will help you build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, do the right thing, or connect with others. This can help you make decisions that align with your values and decrease the chances of regret in the future.

Regret shows us what we care about and helps us grow. So don't beat yourself up too much about it. Acknowledge the regret, practice self-compassion, and use it as a learning experience for the future.

Photo by Kenny Eliason

The post Practical Tips for Dealing with Regret appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

“Stop dragging the chair Jake!!”

He's been doing this on a  regular basis for over a year and it’s begun to feel like a battle of wills.  Each time we see it happen,  my wife and I  respond the same way. – we yell at him to stop and feel frustrated that he is not learning this lesson. 

As I reflect on this recurring scene, I realized that I’ve been looking at this situation in the wrong way. I interpret my son's repeat offense as insubordination when, in fact, his behavior continues, most likely, because he is so focused on achieving his goals.

The reason he drags the chair to the counter is because the charger for the iPad is on the counter. He wants to sit next to the counter so he can continue to play while the iPad is charging. That is his sole focus.

My goal is to prevent the floor from scuffing while the chair gets dragged across it. When I yell for my son to stop, I am singularly focused on achieving my goal and inadvertently become an obstacle to his achieving his goal. Similarly, when he drags the chair across the room, he is just focused on his achieving his goal and inadvertently becomes an obstacle to what I want. We each get into each other’s way without even knowing it. 

For me, the deeper insight comes from recognizing just how quickly and repeatedly I keep exerting my power over him to get what I want at the expense of what he wants. I justify this behavior by reminding myself that I am the adult and he is the 6-year old child. I go even further by telling myself that I’m teaching my son discipline and keeping him in line. Instead, if I took a few minutes to think about what he wanted, I could have made a structural change that allowed us each to achieve our goals. If I move the charger to the living room next to our couch, my son can sit there and play whenever he needs to charge his iPad.

Inadvertently, getting in each other's way happens all the time - at work, in school, during social gatherings. The next time you feel slighted or feel someone is repeatedly doing something you don’t want them to do, figure out why they are doing it that way. If you pay attention to the other person’s goal, you might find a way to both get what you want.

Remember, more often than not, it’s nothing personal. You just happen to be in their way.   

Photo by Ali Yahya

The post How we get in each other’s way without even knowing it appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Although it was a random choice, it got me thinking about the rubber band.

It is simple and useful.

It costs almost nothing.

It can be used in many ways.

It also reminds me of The Law of the Rubber Band by leadership coach John Maxwell. Like rubber bands, we work better when we are stretched. He emphasizes that growth comes from "the tension between where we are and where we want to be."

To unlock your full potential, it's important to keep stepping out of your comfort zone. This can be counterintuitive because when most people imagine being at their best, they typically envision life going smoothly and success coming easily to them.

You may want others to perceive a calm, cool and collected "you" performing effortlessly but to become extraordinary and to keep fulfilling your potential, you want to find the struggle and surf the edge of your comfort zone. The first step is to recognize when you are at the edge of your comfort zone.

So how do you know when you're there?

Your feelings will tell you.

You're at the edge of your comfort zone when:

You want to back out

If you've ever signed up for something that you knew was good for you and find yourself wanting to back out, you're on the right track. Keep at it despite the tons of great and reasonable excuses for why it'll be ok to back out.

You feel this way because you're not sure how you'll perform and it makes you nervous. Many times, it doesn't seem worth the trouble or worry. This is exactly where you want to be. If you knew how you'll do, you would be in your comfort zone.

In this situation, commit to the activity and because you'll want to do well, you'll end up spending a good amount of time preparing. You will grow from this preparation and your confidence will increase when you do well. If things don't go as well as you expected, you can learn from it and tweak your preparation next time. With one experience under your belt, it only gets easier.

The next time you get nervous anticipating a new task or situation, remind yourself that you are now officially out of your comfort zone and get ready to improve yourself.

You are bad at it

The first time is the worst time - everything is typically hardest the first time around. If you find that you're pretty good at an activity and it doesn't humble you much, then you're probably still within your comfort zone.

Based on your interests and passions, seek out activities and challenges that are relevant to your goals but you aren't awesome at (yet). Be honest with the challenges you might be avoiding. Perhaps it's having a difficult conversation with your spouse, being the keynote speaker at a conference or making small talk at a dinner party.

Look at what you're bad at or have failed at for clues.

You don't want other people to see you

No one wants to look bad in front of other people. That's why we edit and revise our work and hide our struggles.

If there is an activity that you are embarrassed to do in front of others, then it's probably a good growth area for you. You don't have to invite an audience to watch you. The fact that you don't want an audience means you're on the right track and the skill or activity you're doing is something you should continue to work on.

If you're comfortable, you're probably not growing. Remember that the comfort zone is the enemy of achievement. 

"Ships in harbor are safe, but that's not what ships are built for."

- John Shedd, American Author and Professor

When was the last time you stepped out of your comfort zone?

Inspired by Law of the Rubberband in John Maxwell's The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth (Long Story Short book note)

Photo by thisisbossi

The post How to Find the Edge of Your Comfort Zone – The Law of the Rubberband appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

How often have you said or thought these words?

If you're a loving parent, good friend or caring colleague, probably one too many times. It's a plea you usually make when your good intentions fall short and it reflects both frustration and surprise.

So why does this happen? Why are you met with hostility, instead of thanks, when you offer helpful advice or take action to help someone else?

To be honest, the blame lies with your good-intentioned approach.

I know that sounds harsh but hear me out.

You give advice or take action to help because you are convinced that the other person will benefit. More likely than not, the other person's experience reminds you of your own and you see in hindsight what they fail to see on the horizon. In the spirit of being helpful, you want to prevent them from making the same mistakes you've made and give them the shortcut to save them the pain and trouble you went through.

You have a strong desire to share this shortcut because:

• you understand that some mistakes leave irreparable damage and want to prevent that.
• in retrospect, you wish someone share this with you so you could be further along than you are now.
• the other person can easily avoid the mistake if he or she takes your advice.

These reasons create a sense of urgency that pushes you to share your insights in the most direct way possible and this turns people off. When you want to get your point across quickly and you couple that with the notion that you know better, you'll tend to TELL other people what to do (think of how parents talk to their children or how policemen talk to just about anyone).

Unfortunately, most people hate being told what to do (that's why the police have such low popularity ratings). It doesn't matter if they can rationally understand the value of your advice - they will still actively fight against it. Think of your own experiences - how do you feel when someone tells you what to do even when it's good for you? How do you usually react?

So what can you do if you still want to help?

One simple change in thinking that worked for me can be summed up in these six words:

Be the guide, not the savior.

So, how do you make this shift?

Seek to understand

Saviors believe they already have the problem all figured out and they are all too ready to share their solution. They're not interested in learning more about the other person's situation because in their minds, it's unnecessary. They've seen it all and they know exactly what needs to be done. We adopt this savior mindset more often than we realize. If you've ever advised anyone to stop a bad habit like smoking or unhealthy eating, you've probably done so from a savior's point of view. As you may know firsthand, this approach is not very effective.

Instead, adopt the mindset of being a helpful guide. To be a great guide, it's important to understand the other person. Everyone is different and what motivates you is probably not what motivates other people. Take time to ask questions to find out what is really important for the other person. Then leverage that information to make a real impact.

Imagine you're on a tour and the tour guide takes you to the same sites they take everyone else and give you the same narrative. Some of it may be interesting but you'll most likely forget most it by the time you get home. Now imagine instead you were on the same tour but this time, the tour guide takes his or her time to get to know your interests and modifies the tour to align with those interests. How much more will you remember both the tour guide and the tour guide's message? That's the difference between being mediocre and being great.

Takeaway: Before sharing what you have to say, take time to learn more about the other person's situation and motivation.

Don't advise - share

As mentioned earlier, when we feel that we know what other people need, we feel the urge to tell them what to do. We adopt this savior mentality because we think it's helpful. Why shouldn't we be direct if we have more experience and already know what to do?

This is a fair point and in some situations, the direct approach does work. At the same time, you're still reading this article because more often than not, the direct approach is ineffective.

Something I've found to be effective in reaching the other person is to stop giving advice. Instead of offering my insights right away, I offer to walk the other person through my journey that has led to the insights I want to impart. I've found that most people are open when listening to others share their experience. Their guard comes down because they're not being told what to do and they have the freedom to decide whether your lesson learned applies to them. What's great is if they do decide it's valuable, they're more invested in changing because they've come to that conclusion on their own.

Takeaway: Resist the urge to tell people what to think or do. Share with them relevant and helpful information and allow them to draw their own conclusions.

Reinforce freedom of choice

People resist when they feel forced to do something. When I used to come up against resistance, I saw it as a challenge and would push even harder, employing more rationale and busting every excuse. Although I was able to get some people to acquiesce, it didn't drive people to change. I demonstrated classic savior thinking - "I'm doing what's good for you because you're doomed if you don't take my advice."

This type of thinking is detrimental because the message you're sending to the other person is that they need you to solve their problem. This is not true - they don't need you no matter how helpful you or your advice may be. As hard as it is to believe, the world keeps turning whether or not we're involved.

One powerful and counterintuitive action that moves people to change is to frequently remind them that the choice is theirs to make. Guides don't force people. They provide pertinent information that will allow the other person to make an informed decision. They present the available options along with the benefits and consequences of each option and then allow the other person to choose which option to take. By letting go and empowering others to solve their own problems, you're more likely to get them to do so.

It helps to assume that everyone is adopting the best strategy they can with what they know. If you hold this to be true, then by expanding their knowledge, you can help them make better decisions and come up with better strategies.

Takeaway: Before, during and after sharing your insights, look to reinforce the other person's autonomy.  Remind them that the choice was, is and always will be theirs to make.

In your interactions with other people, especially if you're looking to be helpful and give advice, think about positioning yourself as a guide by:

• asking questions to better understand the other person's situation
• sharing relevant information and allowing the other person to draw their own conclusions
• frequently reinforcing the other person's autonomy throughout the process

Why do you think your good intentions fall short?

What strategies have you found to be effective in getting through to people?

If you think this article might be helpful to a friend, parent or colleague, feel free to share it with them.  No pressure, the choice is yours.  

The post When Just Trying to Help Fails appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

"It's just a corporate basketball league game and I need the exercise anyway."

"What could possibly go wrong?"

(At the game - Whistle blows - Game starts)

Like any other basketball game, you hear the basketball bouncing, sneakers screeching, players yelling when suddenly ...

a loud *CRACK*

... elbow meets face ...

... my face, his elbow ...

... nose breaks.

Now broken noses in basketball are fairly common but what makes this particularly frustrating is that it is 2 weeks before I leave for a 2 month trip around the world. A classic example of Murphy's law:

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong."

Has anything ever gone wrong for you?

Perhaps your biggest client left you for someone else right before your performance review.

Maybe your train was delayed on the morning of an important interview.

Or just when you finished paying off your credit card bills, your car breaks down causing you to go back into debt.

In life, things will go wrong and there is usually nothing you can do to stop it (just like there was nothing I can do about my face meeting that elbow) but what you can do is control your actions after.

Unfortunately, most of us react the wrong way when things go wrong. Here is a common list of what NOT to do:

Blame Others

It is common to blame others for our misfortune.  When I was injured, my gut reaction was to blame the other person for being so reckless (who throws elbows during a fastbreak). If your train is delayed, you may naturally blame the city for its poor subway system or the sick passenger who had the nerve to get on the train and then get sick.

This desire to blame others comes from a feeling of injustice when things go wrong. We don't deserve it so why is this happening to us. It's not our fault so why are we being punished. Someone else must be causing this.

This is a dangerous way of thinking because blaming others will not solve the problem. It will actually make it worse because when we see ourselves as victims, we tend to feel entitled. We expect others to fix it and we give up responsibility for the issue. We become jerks to anyone not making us their first priority or sympathizing with our issue. This leads to others not wanting to help us and makes the situation worse.

What you might consider doing instead:

Take responsibility.

Things went wrong because of something you did. My nose is broken because I went to play basketball. You were late for your meeting because you didn't give yourself enough time to account for train delays. Once you take responsibility, you stop acting like a victim and waiting for others to help you. You decide to rely on yourself to make the situation better which in turn will make it better. You become grateful to anyone that helps you which makes them want to help you even more.

Regret

When things go wrong, it's very natural to regret our decisions that led up to the situation. As I was waiting at the urgent care center with a bloody nose, I thought to myself,

"I shouldn't have played in this game. Why did I go 2 weeks before my trip?"

I started to blame myself for my poor decision. It's the same when you lose a big client. You may regret not calling on them more often or not recognizing the signs that your relationship with them was deteriorating.

We regret because we judge our actions with hindsight bias - seeing events that already occurred as being more predictable than they were before they took place. We spend all our time in the land of "if only" and thinking of what we could've, should've and would've done differently. This usually makes us feel even more frustrated because the "right" choice always seems so obvious after the fact.

What you might consider doing instead:

Focus on the present moment.

It is a waste of time to think about changing the past because there is no way for you to do so. What matters is what you can do now. Regret can be defined as unhappiness with your past choice. You regret because you've lost sight of one important fact:

You made the best decision you can make at the time you made it.

Of course, if you knew the future, you could make a better decision but you don't and you never will.

Don't waste your time on regrets. Acknowledge that, at the time, it was the best decision you could have made despite the outcome. Now focus all your energy on what you will do next to make the situation better and to prevent a similar situation in the future. Learn from your mistakes but don't dwell on it.

Be Depressed

One of the most common reactions to misfortune is to feel down. This happens because we worry about the future. When the doctor told me that my nose was broken, I was worried.

What if I can't go on my trip?

What are we going to do about all the money we spent on tickets and excursions?

What if my nose ends up looking strange for the rest of my life?

Why does this always happen to me?

If you just got out of financial debt and your car breaks down, you may be depressed because you worked so hard just to end up right where you started. I call this the "dark cloud syndrome" because we begin to take our misfortune personally. We feel that there is a dark cloud following us around and that bad things "always happen to us". We just can't seem to catch a break and it leads us to stop trying to make the situation better.  We resign to our cursed status and imagine only a gloomy road ahead.

According to the American Scientist, Edward Tryon,

"Thoughts lead on to purpose, purpose leads on to actions, actions form habits, habits decide character, and character fixes our destiny”

• So if you have self-defeating thoughts,
• your purpose will be to defeat yourself,
• which leads to actions that will do just that,
• which form habits where you are constantly defeating yourself,
• until you build up a self-defeating character,
• which results in you being repeatedly defeated in life.

Not a very good outlook.

What you may consider doing instead:

Our realities are based on our perceptions and our perceptions are based on what we focus on. When things go wrong, we tend to focus on all the other times where things have gone wrong and we start to generalize that things always go wrong for us. A better approach when things go wrong is to say to yourself,

"That's interesting because things usually work out for me."

Then spend some time thinking about how lucky you are (if you're living in the US or if you're able to read this article, you are already luckier than many people out there).

I was able to avoid worry and being upset because I thought about how lucky I was. I also spent my time focusing on what the next step should be and creating contingency plans if I had to cancel part of my trip due to surgery. This experience made me realize that it's possible for things to go wrong without feeling frustrated, angry, depressed or worried. Handling this setback in this resourceful way created a very positive experience for me and it inspired me to write this article.

I am grateful to experience firsthand the power of changing my thoughts and its effect on changing my actions and my destiny. I hope my articles can open up possibilities in thoughts and actions for you that you didn't realize existed.

Do you have helpful ways for overcoming bad times? If so, please share them below in the comments section.

The post What NOT to Do When Things Go Wrong appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

You don't do it intentionally but it happens.

It actually happens all the time, you just don’t know it.

The only time you realize there is a miscommunication is when something bad happens and even then you may not think it was because of bad communication.

The good things is most miscommunication doesn't have any bad consequences.

The bad thing is in those rare cases when the stakes are high, the consequences can be devastating and by the time you realize it was a communication issue, it’s too late.

Almost all conflicts (fights, arguments, etc.) are caused by poor communication. If you wanted to choose one skill to better your life today both professionally and personally, it is to improve your communication skills (I know, I know. Please resist the urge to roll your eyes).

“Communication”, like the words “mission” and “vision”, has become a generic term overused by corporate Human Resources Departments. All of the power and meaning of these words have been lost and people have forgotten the importance of good communication in their lives.

Almost every company has some type of training on effective communication skills but does it really help people become great communicators? Unfortunately not. Many of these trainings have great content and tips but they don't work because they never get to the root of the problem.

They never look at why people are bad communicators in the first place. If you want to be an extraordinary communicator, you must understand why we're so prone to miscommunicate:

Seeing is Believing

Most people tend to believe that because they were at a particular event (e.g. meeting, discussion, presentation, etc.), their account of the situation is correct. They generalize their perceptions of reality to be true for everyone and assume that what they saw is what really happened.

That is not true.

Even for all of you who have perfect vision, there are things you are blind to that you don't realize.

Watch this short video and follow the instructions in the video before reading on:

This experiment not only shows the power of attention but more importantly how our realities are based on our perception and that our perceptions are based on what we focus on. Depending on our experience, our mood, our thoughts, etc., we focus on different things of the same event. This means we only see a part of reality. To be more specific, we only see OUR part of reality.

Despite this being true for everyone, most people don't realize this. They don't know what they didn't see and will generalize their portion of reality to be the full reality. This is why so many people communicate badly. They stubbornly hold on to their "truth" and they discount everyone else's "truth".

If you were shown the above video only once and without mention of the gorilla, you probably would have lived your whole life thinking that there were only two teams passing the ball around and that the white team passed the ball around 13 times. If someone later told you there was a gorilla in that video, you would probably argue against it fervently.

Life works the same way. We can't rewind to see what really happened and arguments start when we think we have the whole truth even though we only have part of the story. Did you ever accuse your spouse of doing something they didn't do? Did you ever disagree with your boss about how your meeting went? If so, you've experienced this phenomenon first hand.

Improve Your Communication by:

• Realizing that your perception of reality is partial and dependent of your experiences
• Believing that people have good intentions and being curious about their perception of the world. Even though their actions or ideas may not make sense in your world, it is very possible that it makes perfect sense in their world.
• Taking other people's perceptions of reality to be as true as your own

We are Speaking the Same Language

In most countries, people speak the same language. In the US, it's English. In China, it's Chinese. In France, it's French.

People can recognize most words in their native language but what most people don't realize is the same words they are so familiar with may hold different meanings for different people.

If you assumed that just because you speak English and the other person also speaks English that you're both speaking the same language, you're very wrong. The meaning you give to words come from your environment (e.g. the way you were raised, your circle of friends, etc.) and your experience with that word. This is why miscommunication occurs so often. We all have unique life experiences and just because we use the same words, your definition of those words may be very different from my definition and you wouldn't know it until something bad happened.

Here is an example:

Tom and Jane are dating. Tom sees that Jane is unhappy and asks Jane what's bothering her.

Jane replies that she wants Tom to be more caring. Tom promises that he'll be more caring and Jane feels better.

The next week, Tom buys Jane flowers and takes her out to dinner. He feels good about it and Jane seems to be enjoying it as well.

A few weeks later, Jane and Tom get into a big fight because Jane accuses Tom of not following through on his promise to be more caring. Tom resents it because he felt that he was very caring and has shown it.

What was the problem?

Tom and Jane had different definitions for the word "caring":

Tom's definition of caring = buying flowers and taking loved one out to dinner

Jane's definition of caring = asking her daily about how her day went

So who's right?

Was Jane right to be angry or was Tom wrongfully accused?

Guess what, they’re both right.

The miscommunication occurred because they agreed on two different things thinking they agreed on the same thing. Jane thought Tom would ask her about her day more often while Tom thought as long as he bought flowers and took Jane to dinner, he'll be giving Jane what she wants.

Sound familiar?

Improve your communication by:

• Not assuming that speaking the same spoken language automatically means speaking the same language
• Asking others to define certain key words to make sure you’re on the same page. Tom should have asked Jane, "How would you "care" for someone?" People tend to treat people the way they want to be treated. If you want to drastically improve your relationship with your loved ones, ask them, "How do you know if someone loves you?" and pay close attention to the answer.
• Paraphrasing in detail the other person’s definition to make sure you understand what they mean and that you're both truly on the same page.
• Treat the person the way they want to be treated.

“It’s the thought that counts”

We’re taught growing up that as long as your intentions are good, that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter how the other person takes it, if you know you had good intentions, you’re covered.

This is perhaps the biggest reason people get into arguments. When you think this way, you’re no longer communicating. You’re just dumping your ideas and suggestions under the guise of good intention.

One of the most important things I've learned that has helped me to improve my ability to communicate is realizing:

Intention doesn't matter.

The best example of this is a nagging parent. I'm positive your father or mother or both had only the best intention for you but how did the nagging make you feel? Did you feel compelled to listen to what they had to say? Did you listen to what they told you to do?

Probably not.

That's why focusing on intention is a very bad way to keep score on the effectiveness of your communication.

The only way to see how well you communicate is based on the response that you get from others. If other people are not open to your ideas, it doesn't matter how good your intentions are, you're not a good communicator. It's not up to people to understand your message, it's up to you to make it clear and acceptable.

Improve your communication by:

• Focusing on the response that you’re getting to evaluate how good you are communicating
• Taking responsibility for not getting the response you want
• Adjusting your behavior and communication according to the feedback
• Repeating the previous steps until you get the result you want

In a nutshell:

1. Seeing is not believing
2. Just because we all speak English doesn’t mean we speak the same language
3. Your intentions don’t matter. It’s about the response that you get.

Be curious about the other person without judging. If you don't assume and you're always curious enough to ask the other person to clarify what he/she mean, you'll see your quality of life improve drastically. There will be fewer if any arguments and you'll reduce many of the frustrations that plague relationships.

Life is about relationships and great relationships come from clear communication.

What are your tips for better communication?

If you want to improve your ability to communicate and get your message across, feel free to contact us to discuss the product and services that we offer.

The post 3 Reasons Why Most People are Bad Communicators appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Smoking.

Procrastinating.

We all have bad habits that we want to change. What's frustrating is that we recognize that it's bad for us and clearly see the negative consequences and yet we're powerless to stop it. We see examples of this all around us and it's not wonder why so many people give up trying to break their bad habits.

This article will provide you an important insight for conquering your bad habits. Before I tell you what it is, I need to disclose some good news and bad news:

The good news is that you'll find out what you've been missing to help you break your bad habits.

The bad news is that when you apply this method to break your bad habits, you won't have any more excuses for living a mediocre life. You'll have to live your life to the fullest.

If you're okay with that, read on.

Before we start, what is the bad habit that you want to break?

Keep that habit in mind while you are reading the rest of the article. Don't move on until you've chose a bad habit. I will use procrastination as an example.

The usual approach for breaking a bad habit is to apply brute force. We use discipline and willpower as our tools to fight temptation. We tell ourselves that it will be different this time around. This method usually works the first few times but unfortunately it doesn't last. If it did, you wouldn't be reading this article.

So what is the missing piece?

When dealing with bad habits, you need to recognize that ...

Everything you do has a POSITIVE intention.

That's it. It's about having compassion for yourself. Instead of beating yourself up for being unable to break the "undesired" habit, you need to understad that the "undesired" habit actually helps you in some way.

So think about your bad habit. What is the positive intention of your bad habit?

For procrastination, one positive intention is to prevent failure because if you don't start, you can't fail.

Once you've recognized the positive intention, it's time to get creative and think about alternatives to achieve the same positive intention. In the procrastination example, an alternative strategy to prevent failure besides procrastinating is to break down the activity into smaller more easily achievable pieces.

Now you know the positive intention for your bad habit, take a few minutes to find at least 3 alternative behaviors that meet the positive intention of your bad habit.

Once you have your alternatives, choose one and make sure it is something that you can do without any negative side effects. As long as the alternative behavior satisfies the positive intention, then you won't need to use your previous bad habit to achieve the positive intention. This makes the habit easier to break. The key is to correctly assess the positive intention and finding a better habit to fulfill that intention.

If you haven't used this method, try it and let me know how it goes. Feel free to share your methods for getting over bad habits in the comments section below.

As a bonus, for those of you who are always late, check out how to always be on time.

The post How to Effectively Break Bad Habits appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

If you believe selling is sleazy, please click here and read this article before reading on.

For those who truly believe salespeople can have integrity and still be great and want to start learning how to sell effectively, here is Lesson 1.

Before you even open your mouth, the first thing you want to do is think about ...

... the product or service you want to sell. Right?

WRONG!

Most people want to start with their product or service because that is what they created, know or want to sell. Starting with what you want to sell is one of the main reasons most people have a hard time selling.

The first thing you want to think about ...

... is your customer.

Who is it and what do they want? If you don't know, then your next step is to find out.

Only when you know what your customer wants, can you begin the selling process.

A great salesperson is not someone who can sell anything to anyone. A great salesperson is someone who finds out what the customer wants or needs, determines whether his product or service can fulfill that want or need and "sells" to the customer only if there is a match.

Your want to shift your mindset from one of a traditional salesperson to an assistant buyer. A great assistant buyer knows specifically what his client wants. That is the relationship you want.

So how do you find out what your potential customers want?

You just ask.

How do you get them to open up to you?

You need to do three things.

Build Rapport

Without trust, you won't get the answers to your key questions. Sometimes you may not even get the opportunity to ask any questions. If you want a refresher on building rapport, read How to Build Rapport with Anyone.

Ask the Right Questions

Once you have rapport, your purpose is to understand what your customer wants by asking the right questions.  So what are the right questions?

It depends.

The questions you ask will be dependent on the answers you get. Before you close out this window thinking you've just wasted your time, let me make it up to you by telling you this:

Different people have different motivations to buy.

Three people can buy the same SUV for different reasons: One buys it because it is safe. The second because it is on sale. The third because it looks good.

It is important to recognize this concept before I introduce the series of questions that will drill down to a person's motivation.

Question 1 - What do you want?  A new job.

Question 2 - Why do you want a new job? Because I want to to be challenged.

Question 3 - And why is being challenged important to you? Because I went to a good school and got a good education and I don't want it to go to waste. I want to be able to showcase my abilities.

Question 4 - And if you were able to showcase your abilities, how would that impact your life? I would be happier and I would be able to impress my boss and colleagues. I wouldn't have to feel so replaceable. 

Question 5 - What does it feel like to be replaceable? I worry about everything I am doing at work and I am suspicious of other people trying to make me look bad. I get paranoid and sometimes I don't get a good night's rest if my boss says he wants to meet with me. I always expect the worse.

Question 6 - What do you think will happen if this continues to go on? I'll probably have a bad relationship with my coworkers and perform badly at work from all the worrying and lack of sleep.

Question 7 - And how would that make you feel? Absolutely horrible. I want to be a nice person but it's hard to when you are competing with everyone. I don't want to get fired or a nervous breakdown. 

Question 8 - And you're telling me that your current job is preventing you from living the life you want. What is it worth to you to fix this problem and live the life you want? A lot

Now we still haven't mentioned the product or service but if you had a product or service that could help this person, what do you think will happen?

Listen Actively

To effectively ask the right questions and to capture the person's motivations, fears and frustrations, you need to let your potential customer talk and you need to listen because everything that is being said will help you decide whether your product or service is right for your prospect. You actively listen by asking more questions to clarify exactly what your prospect wants.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Now that you have a good idea of how to ask your prospect what they want. Practice building rapport and drilling deep with your prospects. Really internalize the method of questioning and remember to listen attentively and be curious and sensitive about what your prospect is and is not saying.

In Lesson 2, we'll cover what you're going to do with all this great information you got from applying Lesson 1.

The post How to Sell with Integrity – Lesson 1 – The First Thing to Think About appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

If you are getting 7-9 hours of sleep every day, stop reading this article now.

If you're still reading, then you probably want to sleep more but for some reason can't justify it.

Here are the three reasons why you need to sleep more starting tonight:

When You Don't Sleep, You're Wasting Your Life

Many people believe just the opposite: "I need to savor every minute I have. I can sleep when I die." Sleep helps you to process your life experience and knowledge. If you don't sleep enough, you don't retain what you have gone through which means you have just wasted your day getting experience you're not going to recall. How can you savor life when you don't remember it?

Cheaper Than A Gym Membership

When you are sleep deprived, you interrupt the hormones that regulate your appetite which results in an increase in appetite. Similar to when you starve yourself, sleep deprivation causes your body to think you are in an emergency and it will begin to store fat to help you survive. If you are looking to control your weight, get more sleep.

Stay in Control

When I don't get enough sleep, I can't control myself. I am very irritable, I say things that I don't mean and I let my negative feelings (fear, anger, frustration, etc) get the better of me. Many of my good habits get broken and my bad habits creep back in. If you want self-control, 4 hours of sleep is not going to cut it.

There are many more reasons why you should get more sleep but these three alone provide a compelling argument to get to bed. If you think successful people don't need sleep, read my article on How to Sleep Your Way to Success.

Bonus:

In addition to sleeping more, it's helpful to know whether you're an early bird or a night owl to help you manage your energy. The infographic below might also help those of you failing to become morning people to feel less guilty.

Source: AffordableSchools.net

The post The Three Reasons Why You Should Sleep More appeared first on Embrace Possibility.