If so, how do you know?

Don't worry if you're unsure - you're not alone. Happiness can be difficult to pin down. Are we happy or not? Is happiness an end state or an in-the-moment feeling? Is it both?

On top of all that, and more importantly, if we want to be happy, how do we get there?

Is it about smiling more? Making enough money to retire? Gaining recognition from our boss or peers? Trying one of these 10 ways to be happier when you're just fine?

No matter how happy you feel right now, you can be happier by recognizing and taking the three roads to happiness as described in Springboard: Launching Your Personal Search for Success. According to the University of Pennsylvania Professor Richard Shell, people use "happiness" to describe the following three things:

1. Momentary Happiness

These are the immediate moments of positive emotions - pleasure, satisfaction, contentment, or fun.

You can increase this type of happiness by slowing down and paying attention to your current experience - savoring the food you're eating, hugging a loved one, or feeling grateful for being able to read these words (which means you have good vision, and access to a computer, internet, and education). Try mindfulness meditation to help you pay more attention to the present moment. You might also consider managing your expectations, so you increase your chances of positive surprises and lower the chances of being disappointed.

What's one specific example of momentary happiness that you've experienced?

2. Overall Happiness

This is your overall judgment about how things have gone for you so far (past) or how things will go for you in the future. You're usually assessing your happiness over a block of time (how happy were you in your childhood, your last job, your first relationship, your college days, etc.)

You can increase this type of happiness by:

• Making health a key priority: start eating better, sleeping amply, and exercising regularly.
• Achieving some long-term goals: reflect on a goal you're proud of or pursue a goal you've wanted to achieve - write that novel, start that business, get that degree, live in that country, have those kids, or whatever else you might be putting off
• Investing in relationships: Spend time with people you enjoy and love and who love you. If needed, mend rifts with the important people in your life.
• Making enough money: Attain financial independence so you can do whatever you want whenever you want. Money alone may not lead to happiness, but financial resources are important for you to have autonomy over how you spend your time. Hopefully, you'll be spending that time with the people you love.

What's one specific example of overall happiness that you've experienced?

3. Deep Happiness

This is the feeling you get when you're experiencing flow, flourishing, or a sense of deep joy, connection, and meaning with those around you. Professor Shell draws parallels between deep happiness and the Hebrew word "simcha," defined by one of his interviewees as "the experience of the soul that comes when you are doing what you should be doing."

To increase deep happiness, find a way to serve a purpose higher than yourself. NYU's Jonathan Haidt suggests in The Happiness Hypothesis, that deep happiness comes from striving for "the right relationships between yourself and others, between yourself and your work, and between yourself and something larger than yourself." You get to define what is right.

What's one specific example of deep happiness that you've experienced? (answering this question may give you more insight into your definition of meaningful)

Hopefully, by recognizing the different ways you can experience happiness, you can identify concrete ways to live a happier life. Take a moment this week and assess whether your daily activities are helping you be happy. Which type of happiness do you want to prioritize? What might be something on this list that you can try during the coming week?

Please share any practices or behaviors that have helped you increase your Momentary, Overall, or Deep happiness in the comments section below.

If you want to dive deeper and figure out how to define success for yourself, consider taking Professor Shell's Success course on Coursera (free to audit). You can find other free courses along with our recommended reading on happiness and well-being on our recommendations page.

Photo by Stan B

The post The Three Roads to Happiness (or 3 Ways to Be Happier Throughout Your Lifetime) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Here’s what is great about exploring one topic through a variety of different channels: the same insights consistently show up across different people’s experiences. It’s validating. One such insight is that you can increase your happiness through intentional actions.

If you’re interested in being happier than you are right now, consider the following activities that seem to hold true for many:

1. Commit acts of kindness – whether it’s random or planned, take time out of your day to do something kind for someone else. This may be especially helpful if you’re feeling down on yourself since it takes the focus off you. It can also help you keep perspective, especially when you work with those who are in much tougher situations. In the Happy documentary, one individual increased his happiness through community service. His insight: “Life is a loan given by God and I have to pay it back with interest”.
2. Pursue intrinsic goals (personal growth, close connected relationships, community service) as opposed to extrinsic goals (money, image, status)
   • Spend more time with close family and friends. They will be with you until the end and particularly when times are tough.
   • Be what you want to be – it’s hard to be happy when you’re constantly trying to be what others want you to be. Even if you get there, you’ll most likely be disappointed. If you’re not sure what you want, take the Know What You Want online workshop (To take the course for free, email us referencing this article and we'll send you a sign-up code).
3. Add some variety to your life – whether it’s changing the music you typically listen to or taking a class on a topic foreign to you, varying your routine can revitalize your experience of the world.
4. Get some aerobic exercise – movement releases dopamine and other hormones related to your mood. It’s easy to understand and even easier to put off. The hardest part about getting exercise is to start, so don’t delay. Just put on your training shoes and get to the gym, or wherever you go for exercise. Getting ample sleep is another good way to quickly boost your mood.
5. Strive to get into flow more often – flow is what happens when you’re so absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time. People often report feeling better during and after being in flow. If you're not sure how to create the conditions to get into flow, check out this article.
6. Feel in control of your situation – when things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to blame others or the circumstances. This puts you at the whim of the universe, which can often lead to unhappiness. One way to address this dynamic is to take extreme ownership of everything that happens to you so you take back control of how you live your life.
7. Build up your resilience – resilience is the ability to recover quickly when unfortunate things happen to you. One method I’ve found helpful is to diversify your life cornerstones. If achieving your work goals is a major cornerstone for you, avoid other work-related cornerstones. Consider health, relationships, or other unrelated areas where you can invest your time and energy. This way if one area of your life is not going well, you can lean into the other areas.
8. Step off the hedonic treadmill – if you find yourself trying to keep up with others on material goods or prestige (for example: type of car, status of job or school, etc.), know that you can opt out of this dissatisfaction-inducing competition. There is no need to run a race that gets you nowhere.
9. Find ways to sincerely give thanks - focus on what you have versus what you don’t have. If you can read this article, you have something to be grateful for because it means you can read one of the most common languages in the world, have access to internet, and have free time to read. Think about 2-3 specific things you’re grateful for each day to increase your happiness.
10. See time as a gift that you can use or waste. In Tim Urban’s popular article, Your Life in Weeks, he broke up our lifespan by months and then by weeks to highlight that no matter how we slice it, our time is finite. Although this realization may seem morbid, my hope is that it will encourage you to make the most out of the limited time you have.

Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert's research shows that we tend to overestimate the intensity and duration of our emotional responses to good and bad events. The good feelings you think you’ll get when you hit the lottery, get promoted, or meet your soul mate is most likely short-lived. Conversely, the lows you might be feeling now because of a job loss, bad break-up, or health issue might fade much faster than you think.

No matter what your current mood might be, consider the actions above to increase your happiness. You might also want to take this Coursera class on the Science of Well-Being.

If you have any good books or other media on increasing happiness, please share it in the comments section.

Photo by Sebastián León Prado

The post 10 Ways to Be Happier When You’re Feeling Just Fine appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

“I just want my kids to be happy”

In the United States Declaration of Independence, the unalienable rights of man are:

“Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness”

Look deeply at what you really want in life, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out to be:

happiness

Happiness is one of those terms that gets thrown around quite often. Everybody thinks they can define it but few people can explain exactly what it is or tell you specifically how to be happier than you are now.

You shouldn't take my word for it - Ask someone next to you what happiness is. Then ask them how you can be happier.

If you're satisfied with their answer then stop reading and act on their advice right away. If they start looking up, down or around and telling you that they'll know it when they see it, share this article with them and read on together.

So what is happiness and how can we be happier than we are now?

I've read a number of books and articles on happiness and the one that best matches reality is described in Flourish by Martin Seligman. He provides 5 pillars that make up the framework for what most people call happiness (he refers to it as "well-being"). When you know what these pillars of happiness are, you can specifically strengthen each one to increase your own happiness.

Feel Positive Emotions

This is what most people think of when they think about being happy. Feelings such as joy, optimism, hope, delight, satisfaction, appreciation ... you get the point. Positive emotions are manifested physically by the ever popular smile (with crows feet of course).

But happiness is more than just feelings.

An olympic athlete that trains hard every day is probably not experiencing positive emotions during practice. It is not until he wins the gold medal that he displays his happy feelings. Positive feelings usually come AFTER a lot of hard work, not during.

Think of a time when you were practicing for something (a performance, a competition, an assignment, etc.). Really bring yourself back to that moment when you were just repeatedly doing the same thing over and over with mixed results. Would you say you felt happy during that practice? Probably not but at the same time you did experience something "good". The "good" that you experienced is one of the other pillars of happiness.

Before we explore the other pillars, let's look at how we can increase positive emotions in your life.

Emotions come and go and can be triggered by your memories of the past, the circumstances of the present and your expectations for the future. Unless you're great at meditating (self-control of the mind), it's very difficult to control your thoughts and emotions. So how do you experience positive emotion at will?

Adopt the physical aspects of positive emotions - smiling, acting energetically and looking at the bright side of everything.

The body and mind are connected and they take turns leading each other. Try feeling happy while frowning or depressed when you put on a genuine smile. Remember: focus on smiling with crow's feet. Don't make room for "This is not working" to creep in. Your conscious mind can only concentrate on one thing at a time.

Another way to feel good right away is to do something kind for someone not expecting it. (Try it before you doubt it.)

If you want to learn other exercises to raise happiness, check out Flourish and The Happiness Project.

So if feeling happy is not the only determinant of happiness, what are the others?

Engage Yourself

Have you ever lost track of time because you were so absorbed in an activity?

You were so focused on the activity that you couldn't recall your thoughts or feelings?

Thinking back, did time seem to stand still yet pass quickly?

If so, then you were also probably happy.

When you are engaged in what you are doing, you experience happiness.

Sports fans call this being "in the zone" - a magical place where everything you do is right.

For many people, being engaged is their happy place. They don't need to be smiling or feeling any positive emotions. They just recognize that they are happy.

So how can you be more engaged in life?

• Identify your preferred strength by taking the Values in Action Strengths Test at Authentic Happiness for free
• Put your strengths revealed to the test by gauging how excited and enthusiastic you are when using the test
• If you're still not sure, you may want to pay someone to assess you with an aptitude test
• Once you confirm your top strengths (the ones that give you the most energy and excitement), find new and more frequent ways to use it

Build Great Relationships

Research and experience show that connecting with others and building and keeping strong bonds make people happy. Our sense of belonging is a key indicator of our happiness. We all want to belong to a group and our happiness correlates with our status within that group. Think about your happiness level the last time you got accepted to a group you really wanted to join (your company, a sports team, a certain club).

In this age of social media, it's easy to have a lot of "friends" and "connections". As with all things, quality is more important than quantity. A good way to test quality is to make a list of people you feel comfortable calling at 3 o'clock in the morning knowing they'll be genuinely interested in helping you out.

The more names you have on that list the better. If you're not sure whether a friend of yours makes that list, you can always test your results by calling them at 3 am. Don't be surprised if your list gets shorter after you explain to them you were only "testing" them.

Build stronger relationships by giving without keeping score. Listen to what people want and find ways to help them get it. Also, be there for them if they call you at 3am.

That's it.

Live with Meaning

Many people see life as a zero-sum game and they live life accordingly. They see someone else's fortune and luck as taking away from their own fortune and luck. Not surprisingly, people who feel this way are suspicious and selfish. They also tend to be less happy even if they are already well-off.

If you want to be happy, give your life meaning by serving or belonging to something bigger than yourself. Join a cause you believe in and get involved.

Most wealthy and successful people become heavily involved with philanthropy in the second half of their lives. They give their time and money for the greater good of others. The desire for meaning is what makes people go through beatings and arrests as activists. Volunteers that give up paid opportunities are no less noble. No matter the group, they all do it to benefit someone other than themselves. 

One word of caution on being selfless. Don't overdo it. When you sacrifice yourself, you burden those who care about you because not only will they worry, they will eventually be forced to care for you.

Here is some life wisdom from the in-flight safety program:

Put on your own oxygen mask first, then help those around you.

Achieve

"It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game."

This is an excellent example of good intentions gone wrong.

If you want someone to be happy, tell them to win because the pursuit of winning, success, mastery and achievement for its own sake makes people happy.

This is why you have happy workaholics. As long as they keep moving up, they'll put up with almost anything. It is for this same reason that those who hit the glass ceiling, quickly become dissatisfied with their lives especially if they've sacrificed the other pillars of happiness.

So what can you do to strengthen this last pillar?

Do your best always.

Strive for excellence.

Practice Deliberately.

Achievement = Skill x Effort

Skill is something you have and can be further developed but it is not something you do. Fortunately, you can control your effort which will boost your achievement by multiples.

So there you have it. The pieces that make up happiness.

So what can you do to be happier?

Step 1 - Rate your own happiness using the five pillars

1. How often do you FEEL happy?
2. When was the last time you were "in the zone"?
3. How many people will be there for you at three in the morning?
4. What are you doing for the greater good?
5. How successful are you?

Step 2 - Strengthen each pillar

1. Smile often and do kind things for people who don't expect it (Positive Emotion)
2. Identify your strengths and find ways to use your strengths more often in your life (Engagement)
3. Build stronger relationship by giving to others without keeping score (Relationships)
4. Think abundance and find ways to do something that benefits the greater good (Meaning)
5. Win. Master something. Be a success. You can achieve these goals through deliberate practice (Achievement)

Step 3 - Balance each pillar

How do your pillars compare with each other? Is one pillar longer than the rest?

Are you someone who is constantly in a good mood but not achieving much? Are you a workaholic who doesn't have many quality relationships? How much time do you devote to yourself? How much time do you dedicate to a cause bigger than yourself?

If you don't want your happiness to suddenly fall over, balance the five pillars. If one of the pillars gets damaged, the other four can still support it.

What are some techniques that you use to increase your happiness?

What other pillars do you think are important for happiness?

What will you do today to be happier?

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”

- Dalai Lama XIV

Share this article with someone you are looking to build a relationship with. Let them know they can count on you to pick up the phone at 3 in the morning for them.

The post How to Be Happier Today Than You Were Yesterday appeared first on Embrace Possibility.