• Because we know someone well, we know what they're thinking
• If they really knew us, they would totally get what we're hinting at
• They're not paying close enough attention and I shouldn't have to spell it out for them

These beliefs are under the faulty assumption that everyone's thought process is similar to our own. Take the silent treatment, for example. If that's your go-to move when you're angry, chances are when someone gives you the cold shoulder, you'll jump to the conclusion they're mad (even if they're just sorting through their feelings).

Sure, the longer you've known someone, the better you might understand their quirks and habits. Unfortunately, knowing someone like the back of your hand doesn't grant you superpowers to read their mind. Instead of playing the guessing game, just ask them what they are thinking or feeling and really listen to what they've got to say. When someone asks you what's going on with you, tell them instead of expecting them to know what you're thinking.

This tip can help reduce miscommunication and unnecessary drama.

Remember: No one can read minds 

For additional tips to build healthy relationships, check out this two-part series with Dr. John and Julie Gottman on the Happiness Lab podcast:

The post No one is a mind reader (Relationship Quick Tip #4) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Take a moment right now, and think of an important relationship for you. Maybe it's one of your children, a co-worker, or a close friend. Now write down any expectations you might have of that person. For those of you who wrote something down, consider letting go of those expectations and see how that relationship goes.

Instead of expectations, which are typically decided by one side and rarely communicated to the other side, consider shared goals and commitments, which require communication and agreement from both sides. A relationship starts when two people or groups make a commitment to each other (first date). The relationship continues if both sides are satisfied with how the last commitment was fulfilled (second and third date). Relationships deepen as people escalate their commitments to each other (vacationing together, meeting the parents, getting married, having kids).

To enhance your personal and professional relationships: Expect less, commit more. 

The post Expect Less (Relationship Quick Tip #3) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Acknowledge the positive contribution they are making in your life and make them feel heard

It's often easier for the other person to leave you alone, but for some important reason, they feel compelled to keep coming at you even at the expense of you ignoring, dismissing, or arguing with them. If you take the time to acknowledge their value, you'll find that they'll stop nagging or repeating themselves, because you show that you've heard them.

For example, if your parent or spouse nags you about your life choices (there are so many), instead of the typical response, "I know what I'm doing."

Try, "Thank you for looking out for me. I can see your point about [repeat specifically what you're hearing from them]. What else may I have missed?"

Once they say, "That's right," then you know you've done a good job making them feel heard. Of course, they will also be looking at your actions to see if you really "heard" them, so if you don't agree, you will want to share that with them as well, so they don't walk away thinking that you agree with what they've told you and will now do what they suggest. What's nice about making sure the other person feels heard is that they are that much more open to hearing what you have to say.

Of course, if someone continues to nag despite feeling heard, you may have outgrown the relationship or they may just be a snob.

Good luck and may there be less nagging and more listening in all of our lives!

The post Got Nagged? (Relationship Quick Tip #2) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

"What's the big deal?"

pause and take whatever you've just dismissed seriously.

Something that's not a big deal to you is likely a big deal to the other person. That's why they're talking to you about it. When you don't see it as a big deal, you're basically communicating that you don't plan to do anything about it. Although the actual issue may truly not be a big deal, your dismissal of the situation and the other person will be interpreted as disrespect, which is a big deal for any relationship.

If it's truly not a big deal, why not just do what's being asked?

The post What’s the big deal? (Relationship Quick Tip #1) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.