If someone came up to us and asked, "Are you a mind reader?" We would likely say "no." Yet, it's interesting how often we expect others to read our minds or we believe we know what other people are thinking. This is especially the case in our long-term relationships because we mistakenly believe that:
- Because we know someone well, we know what they're thinking
- If they really knew us, they would totally get what we're hinting at
- They're not paying close enough attention and I shouldn't have to spell it out for them
These beliefs are under the faulty assumption that everyone's thought process is similar to our own. Take the silent treatment, for example. If that's your go-to move when you're angry, chances are when someone gives you the cold shoulder, you'll jump to the conclusion they're mad (even if they're just sorting through their feelings).
Sure, the longer you've known someone, the better you might understand their quirks and habits. Unfortunately, knowing someone like the back of your hand doesn't grant you superpowers to read their mind. Instead of playing the guessing game, just ask them what they are thinking or feeling and really listen to what they've got to say. When someone asks you what's going on with you, tell them instead of expecting them to know what you're thinking.
This tip can help reduce miscommunication and unnecessary drama.
Remember: No one can read minds
For additional tips to build healthy relationships, check out this two-part series with Dr. John and Julie Gottman on the Happiness Lab podcast:
About the Author: Robert Chen
