Expect Less (Relationship Quick Tip #3)

Expectations, no matter how well-meaning, create pressure on others. Some, like Dr. David Hawkins, call expectations emotional blackmail. When most people are met with pressure, their natural response is to resist. To ensure your relationships not only start strong but remain strong, consider dropping any expectations you might have of the other person.

Take a moment right now, and think of an important relationship for you. Maybe it's one of your children, a co-worker, or a close friend. Now write down any expectations you might have of that person. For those of you who wrote something down, consider letting go of those expectations and see how that relationship goes.

Instead of expectations, which are typically decided by one side and rarely communicated to the other side, consider shared goals and commitments, which require communication and agreement from both sides. A relationship starts when two people or groups make a commitment to each other (first date). The relationship continues if both sides are satisfied with how the last commitment was fulfilled (second and third date). Relationships deepen as people escalate their commitments to each other (vacationing together, meeting the parents, getting married, having kids).

To enhance your personal and professional relationships: Expect less, commit more.

About the Author: Robert Chen

Robert Chen is the founder of Embrace Possibility, where he writes about the practical skills behind reaching your full potential — getting clear on what you want, and following through on it. He's a lecturer at the Wharton School, author of the Wall Street Journal bestseller Selling Your Expertise, and the founder of Vana Lab, where he now teaches teenagers the same skills the executives he coaches wish they'd learned sooner. If something here resonated, join his free 52-Week Success Habits series — one short, practical email a week, with The Dreams to Reality Fieldbook as a welcome gift. Or explore more of his work at robertchen.com and read more of his posts here.