To help you make the most out of the life ahead of you, Cornell Professor Dr. Karl Pillemer has compiled the practical advice of over 1500 people in their 70s and beyond on how to live a fulfilling life. Since these individuals have actually lived their life, they have a perspective that we don't have (Imagine if you could tell the younger you what you know now...)

Before covering Dr. Pillemer's 30 Lessons for Living, here is a preview of the advice common to almost all of the people interviewed:

• Happiness is a choice and not a result of how life treats you - life is "too short to waste on pessimism, boredom, and disillusionment." None of the interviewees associated happiness with "working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want."
• When possible, take the plunge - say yes to opportunities because it'll enrich your life
• Pursue meaningful work that you look forward to every day
• Travel
• Don't go to bed angry
• Be honest with yourself and others
• Avoid judgment - let others, including yourself, live their life

The 30 lessons are organized into six major sections with five lessons for each section (this is a long post so feel free to skip around):

• Marriage or building deep relationships with your lifelong partner
• Pursuing a meaningful career
• Raising children
• Aging gracefully
• Living a life without regrets
• Being happy

Marriage or Building Deep Relationships with Your Lifelong Partner

1. Find a Partner Who Shares Your Core Values and Is Your Friend

The original advice in the book was "Marry Someone a Lot Like You." Since we can be similar in many ways to someone, yet have different values, the focus when finding a lifelong partner is to find alignment between your approaches to life. Note the emphasis on finding alignment as opposed to creating alignment. Often, it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we or the other person will convert to make the relationship work, but that's rarely the case. If you value saving money as a path to a good life, and the other person values spending money as a path to a good life, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle to make the relationship work. Recognize that to take this advice, you'll need to be clear about your own values (how to figure out your values).

2. Make Sure You're Friends

Are you good friends with your lifelong partner?

In addition to having similar core values, you also want someone you enjoy spending time with. Our friends are people we want to see because we like talking to them and can relax around them. The interviewees recommend that, when possible, you should marry your best friend (maybe being placed in the "friend zone" is not a bad thing. Now, if you're in the friend zone, consider sharing this article with your friend who you would like to be more than a friend)

3. Don't Keep Score

Great relationships are not transactional. Both sides are trying to contribute more to the relationship. In The 80/80 Marriage, husband-and-wife team Kaley and Nate Kemp recommends each partner focus on contributing 80% to building the best possible relationship. By focusing on increasing your own contributions, you will pay more attention to what else you can do as opposed to what else the other person should be doing.

Ask, "What can I do for my partner? How can I make my partner a little happier today?" as opposed to "Am I getting what I need from my partner?" Look for ways to give more than you can get. If you're truly friends (lesson #2), the other person will likely reciprocate. Doesn't hurt to keep one-upping each other in showing your love.

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

To keep the relationship running smoothly, you'll need to be able to talk through conflict. You won't always agree with the other person, but if you can't talk through it, resentment builds. Although the advice is to talk to each other, a big part of defusing the situation is to listen to your partner and sincerely and clearly show that you're listening. That means acknowledging what you're hearing and playing back what you heard. Always let the other person have their say. One question that might help unknot a struggle is to ask, "Which one of us is this more important to?" Knowing this will make it easier for the other person to let it go (especially if you're focusing on advice #3).

5. Commit to the Promise You've Made to Each Other

Since I can remember, divorce rates seems to be trending up and getting steeper. There are positive reasons for separation such as people feeling empowered to leave relationships that are not working out freeing both parties to find better partners. At the same time, some of the interviewees suggest treating marriage, or the promise to stay together, as less of a "voluntary partnership" but as a "profound cultural arrangement" that should be entered into seriously both when deciding to marry and when deciding to part. This advice seems easier if you follow #1-4. One way to help you go the distance is to avoid going to bed angry - most disagreements "aren't worth more than a day's combat."

Pursuing a Meaningful Career

6. Choose a Career that You Enjoy, Not Just One That Makes You Money

When the interviewees looked in the rearview mirror after a long life, one thing that was clear is that "time well and enjoyably spent trumps money anytime." Look for a job, calling, career, whatever you want to call it, that makes you happy and sits at the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what serves others (so you can reap some form of financial reward - those bills don't pay themselves). Work that leads to personal growth, meaningful relationships, and contribution to the community will often result in a happier life. Since we spend much of our adult lives working, find work where the work itself fulfills you and you have a passion for it.

7.  Don't Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy

It's likely that you read advice #6 and said, "That might work for some people, but that's just not feasible for me. Besides, I don't need to be happy at work. Work is work and play is play." Of course, you're entitled to choose whichever path you would like. See each piece of advice as something the future-you might tell the present-you.

If you're not finding your work meaningful or fulfilling, those who have gone ahead of you recommend that you don't stop trying to find a job you would really enjoy. Take a moment right now and think about whether you enjoyed going to work this past week/month. If not, what would you enjoy doing? Don't get hung up on feasibility for now - just brainstorm what jobs you would love to do or try. Consider taking the Know What You Want Workshop to help you figure it out (it's free if you're serious about completing it - just find the code at the bottom of this article on 30 Qualities of Highly Successful People).

The interviewees advise: "Don't be afraid to move around and try different things, no matter how old you are." Do give yourself a time limit to figure things out and understand that you'll often need to take a risk to make a move toward the job that makes you happy.

8. Make the Most of a Bad Job

As you're continuing to look for the job you love (#7) to be in a career that is intrinsically rewarding (#6), you may still need to put up with the job you have. To help you cope, focus on doing what you can to leverage your current job to help you refine what you want, what your capabilities are, and what's right for you. Learn as much as you can about yourself and pay attention to which work activities energize you and which drain you. Study what makes good bosses, colleagues, and businesses strong and what makes poor leaders, co-workers, and companies weak. No matter what job you're in, do it well so you continue to build your reputation, confidence, and competence.

9. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Your ability to work well with others is critical for your success. Whether you're inspiring others, gaining consensus, or building deep relationships, it's often the soft skills that propel you in your career, especially at the more senior levels. A linchpin to emotional intelligence is having and showing empathy. You will likely hit on the right approach if you keep in mind that others don't have the same goals, motivations, or beliefs as you do. You'll find yourself more accepting of others and slow in judging their way of working.

Cultivate the humility to recognize that almost always others will know more about their particular area than you do and the key to working well with others is to keep the focus on them and their needs. Rarely will people care about your goals and KPIs above their own. One piece of advice from the interviewees is to "take others seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously."

10. Prioritize Autonomy

Early in our lives, we have more time than we know what to do with so it's easy to give it away to others or to use it less sparingly. Many of us are very willing to trade in our time for money, which we need to live the life we want. As you'll see in advice #26, as we get older, time becomes our most precious resource, and we'll want to be more hesitant to trade time for money. It's easy to choose a career based on potential earnings, but it's a high cost if those earnings come at the expense of your independence (especially if you don't love what you do). Prioritize gaining more freedom from the job you have - to do so practically, you'll often need to be 1) excellent at your job, 2) living below your means, and 3) focused on valuing time over money.

Raising Children

11. Maximize the Quantity of Time Spent Together

When spending time with your children, quality AND quantity matter. Closeness in a relationship comes from being together. I learned this lesson firsthand going through the COVID-19 pandemic. By being at home more, I realized that my kids would open up to me, not when I asked them how their day went, but during random times when we were together taking a walk, watching a show, or drawing unicorns. It made me wonder how many of these moments I was missing when I was away either physically or mentally.

According to those who have lived a long life, your children "don’t want your money (or what your money buys) anywhere near as much as they want you. Specifically, they want you with them." In practice, this might mean indulging in the activities they want to do, as opposed to imposing what you want to do together as a family (I'm still trying to work on this!) If you're serious about building a relationship with your kids, measure the time you spend being present with your kids or other loved ones as a good way to gauge quality time. Be willing to sacrifice other commitments to have this shared time. A bonus for spending time with your kids is that you have a better sense of who they are, what they are going through, what they enjoy doing, and how they see the world.

12. Avoid Showing Favoritism

It's normal to have favorites - maybe your child shares common interests with you, or has a similar personality, but it's critical to never show favoritism to your children. Kids pick up on favorites - my older son recently accused us of favoring his younger brother because we have more of his brother's drawings up on the wall. We didn't even realize we were doing that since the real reason for the lopsided balance of wall art is that our younger son is constantly asking us to put his drawings on the wall. Be aware of your words and actions that may be interpreted or misinterpreted as favoring one child over another. One thing you can do to reduce this risk is to avoid comparing your kids. For more tips, check out Siblings Without Rivalry.

13. Don't Hit Your Kids

This might be a controversial piece of advice depending on where you're from and your cultural upbringing. As with all advice, do what will work for you. One question I've found helpful to ask myself when needing to discipline is, "Would I treat any other person the way I'm about to treat my child?" This is much harder to do when I'm hijacked by anger. I try to keep in mind the advice from the interviewees that "discipline should be very quiet and controlled, but kind," since they've seen the longer-term fall out of their actions.

Physical punishment may feel like it's solving the immediate problem, but it may teach your child lessons that you may not want them to learn such as "I need to do everything I can to please authority figures," "force wins when words don't," "it's ok to hurt others if they aren't doing what I want them to do." 20 years of research show that corporal punishment does more harm than good. According to the interviewees, hitting is a failure in parenting, and they believed "in firmness, in maintaining a clear moral compass, and in setting limits. But they are remarkably unified on the idea that corporal punishment of children is a disciplinary dead end that spoils the relationship, leaving emotional marks that last long after childhood."

14. Do Whatever You Can to Prevent Rifts

Interviewees who were estranged from their children strongly regretted losing the bond with their kids. Reflecting back on how heavily this rift weighed on them and the pain they felt as life went on, they recommend avoiding it at all costs. If you sense a rift is occurring, take the lead to act immediately to defuse it. This will often mean being the first to apologize or compromise. The longer you wait to mend a break the harder it becomes to reconcile. In some cases, it never blows over and you become separated forever. Although what you are fighting over may seem important at that moment, it's likely not worth severing the relationship you have with your child.

15.  Build a Lifelong Relationship with Your Children

It's easy as parents to focus on launching our children into adulthood. Although helping our children grow up to live the life they want is critical, you'll want to be a part of their lives. No matter their age, look for ways to help them feel welcome at home and be open to sharing things with you. A good way to do so is to be non-judgmental. No one wants to be nagged at, constantly be given advice, or told that they should be living their life another way (no matter how good your intentions might be). Enjoy their company and act in ways so they enjoy yours.

Aging Gracefully

16. Look Forward to Being Old (It's better than you think!)

In some cultures, being an elder is revered and respected. In others, it can feel more like a looming expiration date of one's relevance. What is inevitable is that we will get older and if we're lucky, we'll become very old. Those who are squarely in that camp right now advise us to not waste time worrying about aging. They highlight how being old comes with a "sense of calm and easiness in daily life" where you can do whatever you want. You're no longer shackled by the expectations or responsibilities you might feel earlier in life (or maybe you just care less). That sounds like something to look forward to!

17. Act Now like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years

Many of the interviewees highlight the importance of taking care of your body now. They emphasize that "it's not dying you should worry about it - it's chronic disease." Often the result of poor health decisions is not an early death, but decades of suffering for you and those who need to take care of you. When deciding today whether to eat right or exercise, understand that your health choices and habits accumulate. The focus is not on how long you will live, but on how you are going to live. Hopefully, this advice will give you pause when you hear yourself justifying a poor life choice with the excuse, "So what? We all have to die sometime." For some guidance, check out this free healthy living guide from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

18. Don't Fret About Dying

Those who are closest to the end of their lives find themselves worrying less about dying. They found that they end up falling into "a mix of interest, curiosity, and acceptance." If those who need to worry most about dying aren't doing so, why should you?

19. Actively Stay Connected to Others

As you become older, it's natural for your social circles to shrink. People you know may have moved away or passed away. You're becoming less mobile. You're no longer in natural social settings like work, school events, etc. Actively fight against isolation by involving yourself in social networks that all you to stay connected to others. One tip shared by a number of interviewees is to take advantage of classes and other learning opportunities. You get to meet new people who have a common interest and see them on a regular basis. For the introverts out there, you don't need to attend big social gatherings, but do push yourself to meet new people. For some ideas, check out The Introvert's Guide to Social Engagement (Harvard Health).

20. Plan Ahead on Where You'll Live and Share Your Post-Life Wishes

As you get older, you'll want to choose a place to live that will help you stay connected to the people you want to be with. A number of the interviewees commented on their move to a senior living community as one of the best decisions of their lives since it allows them to meet new people and "have a life." You'll also want to accept and adapt to your changing physical abilities and situation and select activities that fit the current-you. That might mean switching from breakdancing to swimming, or hiking less ambitious trails because the view may not be worth the risk of injury. As part of your planning, think about the decisions that others may need to make about you when you pass. To prevent arguments or speculation amongst your loved ones, state clearly what you want in writing.

Living a Life Without Regrets

21. Be Honest

Almost all the interviewees cited honesty as one of the major values and principles to live by. The longer you're alive the more you'll see the importance of integrity and trust. Dishonesty creates pressure and stress for you - keeping the facts straight, living with the fear of being found out, or dealing with the short- and long-term implications of a tarnished reputation. Living honestly seems to be the easier road to travel (even though it often feels like the harder one to take).

22. Say Yes to Opportunities

We can unknowingly limit ourselves because we're only aware of the things we've done and completely oblivious to what we could potentially do. To help you live life to the fullest, the elders interviewed in this book recommend saying yes to opportunities that come your way "unless you've got a really solid reason to say no." By being open to new ventures and experiences, you learn more about yourself to make even better decisions in the future. Move to a new country. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Do the thing you've been putting off until the right time. The interviewees who took a risk in their careers often look back with the most satisfaction in their work lives. Don't ask "why?" Ask "why not?"

23. Travel More

Rarely do people regret traveling too much. No matter how much traveling the interviewees did, most of them wished they had traveled more. As we get older, we may not be able to travel to as many places, so the elders recommend younger people to travel now while they have the time, physical ability, and freedom to do so. Because of the many benefits of traveling, prioritize it over other things you may spend money on. Travel will challenge you, broaden your horizons, and help you learn about yourself. Start by listing the places you want to go and book a trip today. You'll likely not regret that decision.

24. Select a Lifelong Mate with Extreme Care

There are three common scenarios that the interviewees highlight as potentially disastrous when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner:

1. "Fall passionately in love and commit immediately
2. Commit out of desperation that no one better will come along
3. Drift or fall into marriage without the choice or the reasons ever becoming clear"

Their core advice is to hit pause and think through this important decision. Don't rush because marrying the wrong person can be extremely painful. Take time to know the other person well (which isn't easy early in a relationship when everyone is putting their best foot forward). Observe the little things that may give you hints about who they are deep down and ask yourself whether it's something you can accept. Remember to look for similar core values (#1) and strong friendship (#2) as well to help you choose a mate that can bring you lifelong happiness. A good question to ask: "Is this the person you want by your side as you face tough life challenges?"

25. Say It Now

Countless movies have been made about the regret of leaving things unsaid. If there is something meaningful you want to say to someone, don't wait. Do it now. This might be telling someone how much you love them or apologizing to mend a relationship where you don't even remember what you were fighting about. Look to clear the air.

One piece of advice that stuck with me was, "Send flowers to the living. The dead never see them." You may also want to think about the questions you want to know especially from your aging parents - where did they come from, what were you like as a child, and what advice might they give on living a good life? You'll see at the end of this article a list of questions to ask the elders in your life.

Being Happy

26. Value Time Over Everything

Life is truly short and no group knows this better than the one interviewed for this book. Despite all the years they've been alive, the oldest folks in the group were the most surprised by how fast time has gone. Their advice is to seriously recognize how limited time really is and to purposefully decide how to take advantage of each day. They see each day as a gift and with an "unharvested abundance of pleasure, enjoyment, love, and beauty that many younger people miss."

To keep you from squandering the day you're given, purposefully use your life minutes. What is it that you want to do right now with your time? Be extra sensitive to phrases like, "I'll do [desired activity] when [future time or event occurs]," or "I can't wait until [insert positive result or event]" because that day may never come. Don't put things off that you've been wanting to do, learn, say, experience. Shift the focus from what is going to happen to what's happening now. Be more "lavish" with the present time because it's the only time you have. I've been guilty of saving a nice bottle of champagne until it goes bad or sparingly using expensive accessories for special occasions. We can't get back the days that passed, but we can make the most of the days ahead.

One idea that really stuck out for me from the interviews is to "skip the funerals and see your friends now." Here is what one interviewee shared:

"We’ve told most of our close friends: We’re not going to show up at their funerals because we can’t stand funerals. But we are going to show up at any party or happy thing they invite us to."

What a wonderful idea!

27. Choose Happiness on a Daily Basis

The interviewees strongly recommend taking responsibility for your own happiness and seeing happiness as a choice you make, and not a result of your current condition. If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, initiate change to move away from that. Although you won't be able to control what happens to you, you can choose your attitude and reactions to them. Feelings like anger, fear, disappointment, annoyance, and resentment are created from our thoughts and expectations even though we'll find it more convenient to blame others for causing those feelings. When you feel negative emotions, think about where it comes from and the story you're telling yourself. Then accept it, and let it go. You're in charge of your life - don't let outside forces impact how you feel and what you decide to do.

One way to choose happiness on a daily basis is to make happiness unconditional ("I'm happy in spite of ...") as opposed to conditional ("I'm happy if only ..."). Often when our happiness is dependent on something external, it's short-lived (even when you win the lottery). In the words of one of the interviewers, "Decide not to feel sorry for yourself - get up and do what you have to do to be happy. " 

28. Don't Waste Time Worrying

Time is limited and if you're squandering it worrying, you're not spending it living. Trust that it'll work out. Worrying, on its own, doesn't solve or help with anything. Not only will it not make a difference, but it'll also likely put you in a negative state. To help you gain back some time, recognize when you're worrying and re-purpose that time for something you want to do with your life - hit the gym, learn a language, travel, or spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.

Even when you have a reason to worry, don't spend your time ruminating about the potential negative outcome. If you're afraid of something, do what is in your power to prepare and plan for it instead of wasting energy worrying about it. Once you take action to mitigate what you think might happen, don't think about it anymore.

There's rarely a good reason or excuse to worry for the sake of worrying, but if you find yourself stuck in a worrying rut, which can happen, focus on the short term (the day, hour, or minute that you're in right now) as opposed to the long term implications of what you're worried about. Here is an interviewee's reflection that might help,

"I’ve learned a lot about life and nothing bothers me anymore. And it gets to be so, and it’s just the way it is. Acceptance, yes. If you don’t accept it, you go down the drain. Be calm, go with the flow. People worry about dying, about everything."

29. Savor the Little Things in Life

As we live life, it's easy to focus on the milestone moments of our lives - our birthday, our graduation, our wedding, our big promotion, our new house. Those events are worth celebrating, but often we might be missing opportunities to savor the micro-delights that occur daily in our lives - a smile from our child, the beautiful weather, a good swim, a funny text exchange. By noticing the little things in life that bring us joy, we are increasing our own happiness on a daily basis, which is important especially since we're not guaranteed the future. Find the daily treasures in your life. If you're looking for it, you'll find it. As someone who is often too future-oriented, I set a reminder to think about a daily delight at noon each day. It draws my attention to something positive and sets a great tone for the second half of the day.

30. Have Faith

Believe in something beyond you - this might be a religion, philosophy, or credo. Look for ways to be a part of a community and to have a spiritual practice that you can do with others. The interviewees have found faith helpful to place suffering in context and a belief in a higher power often focuses us to care not only for ourselves but others as well. One common refrain amongst the world's religions is the idea of the golden rule:

"Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." 

The golden rule works because to follow it, you'll need to empathize with other people and understand their perspectives and how they might feel about your actions. Being kind, showing compassion, lending a helping hand, and treating others with respect are some of the natural behaviors of following this time-tested rule.

So, you've made it to the end of this list! Hopefully, this list will help you make the most of the minutes ahead of you. We'll wrap with this final thought from one of the interviewees:

"I have had to live simply but eventually I realized that it is the best way for me to live. To know what is enough, not to use more than my share of the earth’s resources, to recognize the difference between wants and needs, to enjoy the pleasure of making something broken of use again, and learning to appreciate simple pleasures has made my life more satisfying and less worrisome. Happiness does not depend on how much we have but is based on personal success of skills and artistry, a sense of humor, the acquisition of knowledge, the refinement of character, the expression of gratitude, the satisfaction of helping others, the pleasure of friends, the comfort of family, and the joy of love."

Feel free to share this article with those who you think might benefit. Please share any life lessons you've learned that you might share with a younger you.

You can find a searchable directory of advice at The Legacy Project.

Questions to Ask the Elders in Your Life

If you have elders in your life that you would like to interview, here are ten questions Pillemer recommends:

1. What are some of the most important lessons you feel you have learned over the course of your life? If the person has difficulty getting started, try this follow-up question: If a young person asked you, “What have you learned in your X years in this world,” what would you tell him or her?

2. What kinds of advice would you have about getting and staying married? Follow-ups: What’s the secret of a long marriage? What mistakes should young people avoid regarding getting and staying married? What advice would you have for a younger couple thinking of calling it quits?

3. What kinds of advice do you have about raising children? Follow-ups: What mistakes should people avoid in child rearing?

4. Do you have any advice you can share about finding fulfilling work and how to succeed in a career?

5. Some people say that they have had difficult or stressful experiences but they have learned important lessons from them. Is that true for you? Can you give examples of what you learned?

6. As you look back over your life, do you see any “turning points”; that is, a key event or experience that changed the course of your life or set you on a different track? Follow-ups: What are some of the important choices or decisions you made that you have learned from?

7. What would you say you know now about living a happy and successful life that you didn’t know when you were twenty?

8. What would you say are the major values or principles that you live by?

9. Have you learned any lessons regarding staying in good health?

10. What advice would you give to people about growing older?

Photo by Peter Conlan

The post 30 Life Lessons from Over a Thousand People Who Have Lived a Full Life appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

Conscious Business: How to Build Value Through Values

• Published: October 2013
• ISBN-10: 1622032020
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (must read)

EP Main Takeaway: The larger purpose of business or any competitve activity is not to gain material wealth or success "but to serve as a theater for self-knowledge, self-actualization, and self-transcendence." Business happens when two parties can exchange goods and services where both parties are better off. To succeed, you want to continuously enhance your ability to serve others while "taking a stand for your values and interacting with others authentically, constructively, and impeccably."

"Self-actualization is best supported through expressions of responsibility, autonomy, and essential integrity: a commitment to a meaningful purpose that goes beyond the immediate gratification of selfish desires and embraces others in service... main task of a conscious business is to help people succeed (accomplish their mission) while they develop healthy relationships (belong to a community) and experience an unconditional sense of peace, happiness, and growth (actualize and transcend the self)."

The post Conscious Business by Fred Kofman appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Their Full Potential by John Maxwell

• Published: September 2014
• ISBN-10: 1599953676
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (great read)

EP Main Takeaway: Growth should be intentional and aligned with your passion and purpose. If not, you run the risk of being busy without meaning. Be honest with yourself and take consistent action based on insights from self-reflection. Design your growth to match your goals and consistently have tension between where you are and where you want to be. Show humility and exude character in all of your interactions. Manage your environment to help you and be grateful for all the support by developing your talent to serve others.

The post The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John Maxwell appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Every day you allocate these two precious resources and your current situation in life shows you how you're doing. To live your life to your fullest potential, you want to choose activities that provide the best return for your time and energy.

The best way to do that is to:

Invest them in activities that use your natural talents.

This sounds obvious but take a few minutes now and reflect on your past week. Resist the urge to come up with excuses as you ask yourself:

If you're like most people, you probably didn't use many of your talents at all. I can bet that you're probably not even sure what your talents are.

No matter which group you're in, take the following steps to use your time wisely:

Step 1: Believe that you have talents.

We all do. If you've stopped believing that, then you've been trapped in an environment that hasn't allowed you to showcase those talents. If this sounds like you, you may want to jumpstart your life.

Step 2: Figure out what those talents are.

Many people have an inkling about their talents but if you don't have a clue, consider taking an aptitude test or check out books like The Strengths Finder 2.0 or What Color is Your Parachute. You may also want to ask close friends, family members and colleagues on what they see as your natural talents.

Step 3: Use those talents all the time.

Since we spend most of our waking hours at work, this means finding a job where your strengths are requirements in the job description and avoiding careers where your talents are actually weaknesses. With your spare time outside of work, look for hobbies that use your natural abilities to further hone your skills.

Warning: Don't confuse talents with interests. Talents are actual skills that you can use where as interests provide the context in which to use those skills. For example, you may be interested in movies but it doesn't mean you're limited to acting or directing. You can write scripts, build sets, raise money, etc.

To make the biggest difference you can make in the world, find the intersection between:

• what you're naturally great at
• what you're interested in
• what people will pay you money for

Money amplifies the impact of your talent and financial freedom can be both a pre-requisite or result for pursuing what you love.

But no matter how talented you may be, without action, nothing happens so take 30 seconds now and write down three things you're naturally good at. If you don't know, write down three things you'll do to find out.

To close, here is a passage from writer Marianne Williamson that inspires me every time I read it:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be
brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous -
Actually, who are you not to be?You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some of us: it is in everyone
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
give other people permission to do the same. 

- Marianne Williamson, Writer

Let your light shine.

Photo by Lilit Matevosyan

The post Let Your Light Shine appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

I had the privilege of meeting Bill a few years ago when I interviewed him for the Modeling Success Series. In addition, to the wonderful insights from that interview, we built a relationship that has been invaluable to me. I'm sadden by the loss of this great man to the world. His spirit and teachings live on.

Here are three lessons he taught me with both his actions and words:

Follow your passion

The first advice Bill gave me was to stop trying to please everyone and to do what you are made to do. Only when you do what you love can you convey a real sense of enjoyment in working. What's compelling about Bill's advice is that he leads by example. He gave up the comfortable success of taking over his family's business and pursued his passion for writing. His attitude of enjoyment, focus on excellence and fearlessness around failing not only made him wildly successful but also timelessly inspirational.

Be generous

Agreeing to be interviewed, allowing the interview to span a few hours and being a mentor afterwards are all testaments to Bill's generosity with both his time and advice. Throughout his career, he empowered others by giving them permission to write about themselves and cling to their originality.  Around the age of 90, he continued to proactively reached out to others with a letter offering help for "writing problems and stalled editorial projects and memoirs and family history; for singalongs and piano lessons and vocal coaching; for readings and salons and whatever pastimes you may devise that will keep both of us interested and amused."  This snippet really shows the type of person that he was.

Explore and learn continuously

If you've ever read Bill's books or articles, you know that he enjoys traveling and broadening his horizons.  He mentioned to me that the more you learn and stretch your comfort zone, the better your ability to generate uniqueness. That's how others connect to you. By doing something you've never done before, you'll learn something about yourself that you didn't know before.

Bill had a magnificent obsession to help others be who they were meant to be through his writing and teaching. I aspire to follow his lead and help others live their best life by sharing not only my experiences but showing by example.

Thank you Bill for stepping into my life. It has made all the difference.

(For more of Bill's insights and to hear some of his actual responses from the interview on audio, click here)

Photo by madnessofart

The post Life Lessons Learned from the Late William Zinsser appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Uncontrollable events like this happen all the time and they remind me of the fragile and fleeting nature of life and the importance of living it to the fullest now. If you're still putting up with a mediocre life in hopes of getting something out of it at the end, please reconsider.

One way to live a fulfilling life is to ...

... follow your PASSION.

Passion is one of those words that people use often without really understanding the original meaning of the word. When most people refer to "passion", they use it to mean strong emotions reflecting an intense desire or boundless enthusiasm (At least, that's how I've always heard it used).

It was only after reading Aspire by Kevin Hall and confirming with the dictionary, did I realize that "passion" originally meant:

A Willingness to Suffer for What You Love

The most famous example being the passion of Jesus Christ. This definition has changed my perspective on passion. I no longer use it to describe something that I feel strongly about or that excites me. I use it to describe an activity, goal or cause that I care about so much that I am willing to suffer for it. This new standard makes it easier to discern whether something is truly my passion or simply a strong interest.

People who make a difference in their own lives and the world do so by following their passion. This means making the conscious decision to give up other enjoyable activities to focus your energy on the most important activities. Great parents naturally do this when they have children and similar to raising kids, doing what you love is very hard work yet rewarding at the same time. The good news is when you pursue your passion, you'll not only like where you end up but enjoy the journey along the way.

Look at your life and highlight the things you love that you're willing to suffer for. This self-reflection will give you insight into what you're passionate about. If you're not sure, just pick something you enjoy and see if you're willing to give up other activities to spend more time on it. Remember that in life you can choose and change your actions - just also keep in mind that you're responsible for the consequences.

Don't settle for a life that is only so-so.

Start living your best life today.

“There comes a time when you ought to start doing what you want. Take a job that you love. You will jump out of bed in the morning. I think you are out of your mind if you keep taking jobs that you don't like because you think it will look good on your resume. Isn't that a little like saving up sex for your old age?”

-Warren Buffett

For those of you who read the entire article or just scrolled to the bottom, here is a bonus word (also from Kevin Hall's Aspire):

Compassion = Com + Passion = Willing to Suffer with Another

If you want to show true compassion, share in the suffering of the other person. Interestingly, when we all become more compassionate, there will probably be less suffering in the world.

Photo by Andreas Schalk

The post The Real Meaning of Passion appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

But no matter how valuable the lesson, it is not fun to learn it the hard way.

Some say these learning pains are unavoidable and necessary for the learning to stick. This may be true for some people but for many of us, the same lessons can be learned without having to the suffer.

To learn lessons the easy way, you need three things:

1. Awareness of the lesson to be learned
2. Intellectual understanding of the lesson and how it applies to you
3. Belief that it does apply to you

This article can help you with the first two criteria. The third part is all up to you.

If you prefer to learn your lessons the hard way or if you believe the lessons of others don't apply to you, feel free to stop reading now.

For those of you who want to save yourself some time, money and energy, here are my top life-changing insights:

1. The effectiveness of your communication is measured by the feedback that you get.

How effective you are as a communicator has nothing to do with your intentions. It has everything to do with the other person's response. I used to believe that as long as my intentions were good, any miscommunication was the fault of the other person. How can it be my fault if they don't get it?

I've come to realize that I was wrong. If you're not getting the response you want, YOU need to change YOUR approach, not the other person.

If you have a nagging parent, you've experienced this firsthand. They remind you to do this and to do that, all with the best intentions in mind, but how often do you listen? How often are you grateful for these reminders? Nagging parents rarely get the response they're looking for. They don't realize that they're the ones that need to change. Instead, they use their noble intentions as an excuse for continuing their ineffective actions.

To measure how effective you are, forget your intentions and look at the feedback you're getting.

2. Follow your passion using your strengths to get the best return for your time and energy.

We are all allotted 24 hours every day. What you achieve with your life depends on how you use those 24 hours. Unfortunately, there are so many options that it is easy to choose activities that do not give you the best return for your time and energy. Walk into any corporate office and you can easily find examples of people engaging in low-return activities.

To have an impact in the world and to live to your full potential, follow your passion and support that passion with your interests and strengths in a sustainable way.

• Your passion tells you WHY you're doing what you're doing.
• Your interests will decide WHAT you should do to achieve your WHY.
• Your strengths will determine HOW you're going to accomplish WHAT you set out to do.

Focus on activities that use your strengths because that will give you the most return for your time. Improving your weaknesses usually don't pay because that time can be better spent working on your strengths. If you have activities on your to-do list that play to your weaknesses, either remove them or find someone else to help you with them.

If you're not sure where to begin, I recommend following these step-by-step instructions:

1. Start by looking within. Think about your values and beliefs and create a personal mission statement that answers WHY you believe you've been put on this earth. There is no right or wrong answer. If you don't have a personal mission statement, take some time now to create one. If you are uncertain, choose one for now knowing you have the flexibility to change it as you learn more about yourself.
2. Identify your top interests and strengths along with the activities that use those interests and strengths to move your mission forward. If you're not sure what your strengths are, take an aptitude test or check out The Strengths Finder. To pin down some of your interests, think of personal experiences where you lose track of time because you were so engaged or books you can't put down.
3. Analyze the activities you've just identified and select the ones that people are willing to pay you to do so you can sustainably continue to do them.

Get started on these steps as soon as possible. Every minute you delay is another minute being wasted on low-return activities. Give yourself a reality check by tracking how you are currently spending your time. Do this for a few weeks and analyze your time logs. How much time do you spend using and honing your strengths to move your mission forward?

3. People do the best that they can with what they know.

This insight has greatly improved my interpersonal relationships. I have realized that people, who are rude, disrespectful or exhibit any other negative behavior, really don't know any better. Their actions stem from strategies that they truly feel are the best ones to handle the current situation.

This can be extremely frustrating if you have access to better strategies. The key is to understand that the other person didn't have the same experiences and insights that you've had and therefore should not be held accountable.

It's like blaming a two-year old for drawing on the walls. They really don't know any better and it's unfair to blame them for being ignorant of the impact of their actions. They are doing the best that they can with what they know. Realizing this may help you give other people the benefit of the doubt and empathize with their situation. This was a game changer for me.

One application of this insight is to give other people a break including those from your past who have wronged you. Your parents, your former bosses, even random strangers did what they thought were the right things to do. Forgive, truly forget and move on.

This rule also holds true when dealing with yourself. Don't be so hard on yourself - you're doing the best that you can with what you know.

The best way to cure ignorance is through education. Keep learning new things. If you're dealing with difficult people, empathize and be curious about their strategies. By taking the initiative to listen and understand, you open others up to you and your ideas. When they give you permission, recommend a book, a movie or a person that will expose them to better strategies for life. Just be careful not to cross the line from being helpful to preachy.

4. There is no such thing as "can't".

I've written about this insight in detail (click here to read).

5. Change happens only when the other person perceives real value for them to change.

Face it - you're never going to change anyone who doesn't want to change. The only way someone will change is if they truly believe your proposed behavior or idea is more beneficial to them than their previous behavior or idea. They make this decision based on their values, not yours.

We are all selfish in the sense that we care about our well-being. We're wired to adopt the best strategies that will help us in life. When you ask someone to change, you're telling them that your strategy is better than their current one. If they agree with you then you'll get change. If they don't agree with you, then nothing will happen.

Look at the different times in your life when you've accepted and rejected change. How did you decide one way or the other?

If you're looking to change someone, clearly show them the benefits they'll receive from adopting your proposed behavior. In addition, help them see that your way is better than other alternatives including their current strategy. To do that effectively, you need to understand what they valued in their old strategy. This won't be easy but if you can get them to accept your strategy as being better, they will gladly change their behavior.

6. Money is an amplifier.

Many people, my mother included, view money in a negative way. The pervasive view is that it's bad to be rich because money corrupts people. It's not hard to see why they would feel that way when the media shows ample examples to support their views.

Despite all the press, I've come to realize that money is not evil. It merely acts as an amplifier. If you want to do good things, money will allow you to do more good things than you can without money. If you want to bad things, money will allow you to do more of that as well. To make a significant impact in the world, you need a good amount of money. That's just how the world, at this moment, works.

Are you financially free? If not, what is your plan for financial freedom?

If you don't have one, why not?

The simple but arduous road to financial freedom involves:

• maximizing income,
• minimizing expenses,
• saving as much as you can and
• investing those savings so it can grow beyond inflation.

The earlier you start, the faster you'll become financially independent. For those of you who are against denying yourself the finer things in life, think of all the grander things you are missing out on because you are not financially free.

7. The identity you give yourself is who you become.

Who you are on the outside is directly connected to the story you tell yourself on the inside. If you tell yourself that you're a successful business professional, you'll dress, talk, walk and act in a way that mirrors that belief. If you believe you're inept, then your actions will confirm that as well. Your self-identity dictates who you attract, who you socialize with, how you act relative to others, etc.

The common misperception is that identity is fixed. People often say that they're "keeping it real" to excuse their bad habits and behaviors. They try to hold on to their identity without realizing that from the minute they were born, their identity has been continuously changing on many levels. They went from baby to toddler to teen to worker to parent. They've gone from student to the new guy to the seasoned veteran.

Aim high when you decide on your identity because you will live up to the expectation and image that you set for yourself. Tell yourself the story of success that you want and your reality will reflect that. You can decide what your identity is at any time. Don't give that power away to others. If you don't like where you are now or where you're headed, jumpstart your life by reinventing yourself.

8. When truth is relative, being right is irrelevant.

I can believe something to be true and someone else can believe a contradicting idea to be true and we may both be right.

Sounds a bit strange, doesn't it? Shouldn't the truth be absolute?

It's easy to think that life is black and white. If we all have the same facts, we should all draw the same conclusions. This might work if we all had the same brain, lived in the same way with the same experiences but we don't. By the time outside stimuli reach our brain for processing, it has already been put through our personal filters. What gets analyzed by my brain is very different from what gets analyzed by your brain despite the same stimuli. This allows for both of us to come up with equally valid conclusions even if they contradict.

Daniel Kahneman, author of Thinking Fast and Slow, is right when he said,

"We have an unlimited ability to ignore our ignorance".

Before I realized my ignorance, I spent a good amount of time trying to prove that I was right. Understanding now that everyone is entitled to their own truths, it doesn't make sense to argue about right or wrong. The focus should be on getting what I want. The next time you are arguing with a loved one or colleague, ask yourself, "Am I trying to build a stronger relationship or am I trying to be right?" This will help you resolve your argument fairly quickly (hint: being right is often wrong).

The difference between strong communicators and weak communicators are those who are curious about the other person's views and can build a bridge from their own view. Ask yourself - what assumptions is the other person making that makes their story true? Resist the tendency to think the other person is either slow or missing information and that is why they are coming up with faulty conclusions. In many cases, we may be the slow one that's missing information.

Dogma is dangerous.

Consider the idea of relative truth (or not).

9. Other people's values and traits rub off on you.

Whether you like it or not, the people you surround yourself with will have a strong influence on you. It doesn't matter how old you are or how resolute you are in your beliefs and identity, you will end up adopting the thoughts, values and behaviors of the people you spend the most time with.

We all want to belong and we subconsciously behave in ways that gain the approval of those around us. You don't realize this because it happens incrementally. You are constantly taking one step closer to the group until you eventually fall in direct step with everyone in the group. There are examples all around you. Think of your friends who've changed dramatically because they began spending time with a very different group of people.

Siblings prove this point well. Same family, same upbringing, very similar genes and yet siblings can be very different. If you look carefully, the difference that makes the difference is the people they spend most of their time with.

"When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends."

- Japanese Proverb

Who are the people you spend most of your time with? Do they embody the qualities you look up to? If not, what are you going to do about it?

Make a conscious decision to spend less time with people you don't want to become. If some of these people are your close friends, you may feel disloyal. This is normal. Just understand that they will rub off on you just like you will rub off on them. What might help you feel less guilty is knowing that people spend less time with their close friends all the time and they don't get judged negatively for it.

• New parents spend less time with their single friends.
• College students spend less time with their childhood friends.
• Those who work spend less time with those who don't.

You don't have to feel guilty. Just because you don't see each other often, doesn't mean you can't stay friends.

Use this rule to your advantage. Be selective with who you spend time with and choose people who are already where you want to be so you grow when you conform to the group. The key is to find groups that will pull you up as opposed to those that will pull you down.

10. The choice is always yours and that makes you completely responsible.

Almost everything that happens to us is a result of our choices. Whether our life is good or bad, we're a direct contributor. This insight has had the most impact on my life.

The minute you hold yourself accountable for your life's results, you become empowered to resolve issues and take pride in your accomplishments. Those who don't take responsibility remain helpless because they blame something or someone else for their troubles. Their lives never get better because they've already decided that it's not their fault and there is nothing they can do about it.

Many first meetings I have with clients are whine and pity parties. They complain about how unfair it is that their boss or company mistreats them or their colleagues take advantage of them. Just before they go into their well-rehearsed rant of being underpaid and overworked, I stop them and ask, "Why don't you just quit? There are plenty of other companies out there."

This usually opens up a floodgate of excuses for why they can't quit - weak economy, bills to pay, waiting for retirement, etc. After they finish, with empathy I point out that it's still a choice that they've made and they're paying the consequences of that choice. Those who accept the idea become my clients and we work on a game plan to transition into a better situation. Those who continue with "Yeah, but ..." get their coaching fee refunded in full and an offer to contact me after they stop playing the role of victim.

If you want power over your life, frame everything that happens to you as a consequence of your choices. If you truly believe that, your life will improve.

11. No one is coming to the rescue.

This is a bonus insight for finishing the first ten. I'll keep it short and sweet.

Stop waiting for someone to solve your problems.

Everyone is busy with their own issues.

No one is coming to save you.

Take control of your life.

Any help is bonus.

You can do it.

Take time to read through these insights again. Print them out. Highlight helpful points. Share this article with your friends, family and colleagues.

Also, think about how these insights might apply to you. Learn them the easy way by understanding each insight and believing that it applies to you. Try one on each month and see if they fit.  If you get through all of these principles, you may want to check out 13 more from Matthew McConaughey.

I'm always interested in learning lessons the easy way. What strategies or ideas have significantly improved your life?

The post Top 10 Insights that May Change Your Life for the Better appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Should I quit my job?

You're not alone.

People often tell me they are unhappy with their jobs. They fantasize about getting out and like most fantasies, it doesn't happen.

The good news is:

Those who do make the switch don't regret it.

The bad news is:

This doesn't make the decision any easier for you.

You have responsibilities and quitting your job in this economy seems a bit reckless. On the flip side, staying at a job you should be leaving is downright foolish.

So how do you know when to say goodbye to your employer?

Look for the five warning signs below. If you see any one of these signs, begin planning your exit strategy. If a few of these hold true for you, start updating your résumé now.

You should quit your job if you're:

Only in it for the Money

If the only thing that is keeping you at your job is your compensation, then you may want to consider other career options. If you:

• look to do as little as possible during the workday,
• would leave immediately for a higher paid job,
• stay in bed until the absolute last minute before being unacceptably late for work,

then money is probably the main reason you're staying at your job.

Money is important but use it to enhance your life NOT dictate it.

Looking to Retire

What do you want from your professional career?

If your answer is to retire early, then you should probably look to quit what you're doing now. You can get an idea about what you should be doing by looking at what you would do if you could retire.

We're not promised tomorrow so it is always risky to put up with something undesirable (e.g. your current job) for a future reward that may never happen. Why not choose a path that will allow you to enjoy yourself along the way to your desired destination?

Successful people rarely retire even when they are eligible to. Look at Warren Buffett, William Zinsser or Frances Hesselbein. They are well over the retirement age and have the means to retire yet they still get up in the morning and go to "work".

"You have to love something to do well at it"

- Warren Buffet

Not Learning What Matters

The more value you add, the more desirable you'll be for employers.

Your value comes from learning skills that people are willing to pay for. If you want to be wildly successful, cultivate skills that combine your natural talents with what people will pay you for. If your current job doesn't allow you to learn the skills that matter to you, you are wasting your potential.

One common mistake people make is to confuse learning what matters with learning new things. While there are many benefits to learning new things, it is important to make sure you devote a good amount of your time learning marketable skills that play to your strengths. If you're not sure what your strengths are, test your  aptitude to find out.

You spend most of your waking hours working. If you're not given responsibilities at work where you can build your key skills, you'll have a hard time becoming valuable. People who don't add value become obsolete and are eventually let go. Always look for the job that will challenge you (in a good way).

Working for a Horrible Boss

People don't leave their companies. They leave their managers.

A horrible boss can take many forms:

• Someone who is disrespectful.
• Someone who doesn't develop you.
• Someone who steals all the credit. 

You're in trouble if you have a bad boss. If there is no sign that your boss will be leaving the company, it's a good idea to start looking elsewhere for work.

Remember: Your environment exists because you either wanted it, rewarded it or allowed it to happen. You can choose to stay or your can choose to leave. Don't ever give up that power.

Pretending to be Someone Else

This is a deal breaker for me.

If being yourself is detrimental to your success at work, you're better off leaving.

It's too tiring and stressful to be someone you're not. You won't do it well and it's not sustainable. You'll eventually burn out from selling out.

Please don't confuse this with professional development or stepping out of your comfort zone. I'm referring to instances where you're asked to do something that goes against your principles, your morals or any other strong belief. In these instances, consider speaking with Human Resources to transfer right away.

For example: If you're told to be more "aggressive" to get the job done, you need to decide whether this is a good strategy you weren't aware of or if it is something that goes against your principles. If it's a good strategy, understand that it'll be awkward during the learning stage. If it goes against your beliefs, look to find another approach or another role.

Your standards are for you to set and there is no right or wrong. Don't ever let your employer decide what you should believe.

If any of these situations reflect your work life, quitting may not be a bad idea. Before you type up your resignation letter, keep these important points in mind:

• Take time to figure out what job best suits you - consider reading What Color is Your Parachute or attend my Know What You Want Workshop. 
• Evaluate the job before you accept the job - do informational interviews with current employees and prepare the right questions to get the answers you need. There is no point blindly jumping from one bad situation into another.
• Ease the transition - no need to reach your dream job in one try. Take steps towards it.
• Start saving money NOW - the better your finances, the more freedom you'll have to transition.
• Be responsible for your future - only you can make it happen.

Have you ever left your job? What made you quit?

For those who see these warning signs in your professional life, what do you plan to do about it?

Share this article with anyone who is unhappy with their job.

The post Top 5 Reasons You Should Quit Your Job appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

I came across this commencement address while writing up a recent interview I had with Mr. Zinsser. He told me about this speech in our interview and how it inspired several professors attending the commencement to quit and pursue their own dream.

I was intrigued and after reading it, amazed. If you don't want to have a fire lit under you to pursue your own passion, don't read this speech because you won't be the same after. This speech will give you courage to live YOUR best life. A fair warning: If you value stability, you'll be offended. If you want the easy life, you'll be disgusted. If you've blamed bad luck for your situation, you'll be ashamed.

There are many great lessons and I'll let Mr. Zinsser teach them in his own words. (I've bolded and underlined some parts that really resonates with me.)

The sportswriter Red Smith was one of my heroes. Not long before his own death he gave the eulogy at the funeral of another writer, and he said, "dying is no big deal. Living is the trick." Living is the trick. That's what we're all given one chance to do well.

One reason I admire Red Smith was that he wrote about sports for 55 years, with elegance and humor, without ever succumbing to the pressure, which ruined many sportswriters, that he ought to be writing about something "serious." Red Smith found in sportswriting exactly what he wanted to do and what he deeply loved doing. And because it was right for him he said more important things about American values than many writers who wrote about serious subjects--so seriously that nobody could read them.

Another story.

When I was teaching at Yale, the poet Allen Ginsberg came to talk to my students, and one of them asked him: "was there a point at which you consciously decided to become a poet?" And Ginsberg said: 'It's wasn't quite a choice; it was a realization. I was 28 and I had a job as a market researcher. One day I told my psychiatrist that what I really wanted to do was to quit my job and just write poetry. And the psychiatrist said, "why not?" And I said, "Well, what would the American Psychoanalytic Association say?" And he said, "There's no party line." So I did. We'll never know how bit a loss that was for the field of market research. But it was a big moment for American poetry.

There's no party line.

Good advice. 

You can be your own party line. If living is the trick, what's crucial for you is to do something that makes the best use of your own gifts and your own individuality. There's only one you. Don't ever let anyone persuade you that you're somebody else.

My father was a businessman. His name was William Zinsser, and he had a business called William Zinsser & Company that had been founded by his grandfather, also named William Zinsser, who came to New York from Germany in 1849 with a formula for making shellac. He built a little house and a little factory way uptown at what is now 59th Street and Eleventh Avenue. I have an old photograph of those two buildings, all alone in an open field full of rocks that slopes down to the Hudson River. That business stayed there until 15 years ago--a 125 years. It's very rare for a business to stay in the same family on the same block in mid-Manhattan for a century, and I can assure you that it builds a sense of family continuity. One of the most vivid memories of my boyhood is how much my father loved his business. He had a passion for quality; he hated anything second-rate.

Seeing how much he loved his work and how good he was at it, I learned very early what has been a guiding principle of my life: that what we want to do we will do well. The opposite, however, is also true: what we don't want to do we won't do well--and I had a different dream. I wanted to be a newspaperman.

Unfortunately, my father had three daughters before he had me. I was his only son. He named me William Zinsser and looked forward to the day when I'd join him in the business. (In those Dark Ages the idea that daughters could run a company just as well as sons, or better, was still 20 years off).

It was a ready-made career for me--lifelong security--and maybe I also owed it to my mother and my sisters to carry on that hundred-year-old family tradition. But when the time came to choose, I knew that that just wasn't the right thing for me to do, and I went looking for a newspaper job, and got one with the New York Herald Tribune, and I loved it from the start.

Of course, that was a moment of great pain for my father--and also for me. But my father never tried to change my mind. He saw that I was happy, and he wished me well in my chosen work. That was by far the best gift I ever received, beyond price or value--partly, of course, because it was an outright gift of love and confidence, but mainly because it freed me from having to fulfill somebody else's expectations, which were not the right ones for me.

The Herald Tribune at that time was the best written and best edited newspaper in America. The older editors on that paper were the people who gave me the values that I've tried to apply to my work ever since, whatever that work has been. They were custodians of the best. When they made us rewrite what we had written and rewritten, it wasn't only for our own good; it was for the honorableness of the craft.

But the paper began to lose money, and the owners gradually cheapened their standards in an effort to get new readers (which they therefore couldn't get), and suddenly it was no longer a paper that was fun to work for, because it was no longer the paper I had loved. So on that day I just quit. By then I was married and had a one-year-old daughter, and when I came home and told my wife that I had quit she said, "what are you going to do now?" which I thought was a fair question.

And I said, "I guess I'm a freelance writer." And that's what I was, for the next eleven years. It's a life full of risk: the checks don't arrive as often as the bills, or with any regularity. But those 11 years were the broadest kind of education; no other job could have exposed me to so many areas of knowledge.

Also: In those eleven years I never wrote anything that I didnt' want to write. I'd like you to remember that. You don't have to do unfulfilling work, or work that diminishes you. You don't have to work for people you don't respect. You're bright enough to figure out how to do work that you do want to do, and how to work for people you do want to work for. 

Near the end of the '60s my wife said she thought it might be interesting to live somewhere besides New York and see what that was like. Well, to suggest to a fourth-generation New Yorker that there's life outside New York is heresy. But I began to discuss the idea with friends, and one of them said, "you know, change is a tonic."

I didn't know that.

I was afraid of change; I think most people are.

But I seized on the phrase "change is a tonic" and it gave me the energy to go ahead. I had always wanted to teach writing: to try to give back some of the things I had learned. So I started sending letters to colleges all over the country--big colleges, small colleges, colleges nobody had ever heard of, experimental colleges tha I actually went and visited; one was in a redwood forest in California and one seemed to be in a swamp in Florida--asking if they had some kind of place for me.

And they didn't, because I was not an academic--I only had a BA degree, like the one you'll have in about five minutes--and it was very discouraging. But finally one thing led to another. It always does. If you talk to enough people about your hopes and your dreams, if you poke down enough roads and keep believing in yourself, sooner or later a circle will connect. You make your own luck.

Well, one thing led to another, and one day I got a call from a professor at Yale who said he would take a chance and let me teach an experimental writing course for one term (by the way, that was almost two years after I had started sending all those letters). And on that slender thread we sold our apartment in New York and moved to New Haven, a city we had never seen before, and started a new life.

Yale was totally generous to me, though I was a layman from out of nowhere--a journalist, god forbid. I was allowed to initiate a nonfiction writing course, which the Yale English department later adopted, and I was also allowed to be master of one of Yale's residential colleges. So those were rich years for me--years of both teaching and learning--because they were unlike anything I had done before.

Now the fact that Yale let me do all this is the reason I'm telling you the story. I didn't fit any academic pattern. But finally, being different was not a handicap. Never be afraid to be different. Don't assume that people you'd like to work for have defined their needs as narrowly as you think they have--that they know exactly who they want. What any good executive is looking for is general intelligence, breadth, originality, imagination, audacity, a sense of history, a sense of cultural context, a sense of wonder, a sense of humor, far more than he or she is looking for a precise fit.

America has more than enough college graduates every year who are willing to go through life being someone else's precise fit. What we need are men and women who will dare to break the mold of tired thinking--who just won't buy somebody saying, "we've always done it this way. This way is good enough." 

Well, obviously it's not good enough or the country wouldn't be in the mess it's in. I don't have to tell you all the areas where this wonderful country is not living up to its best dreams: Poverty. Inequality. Injustice. Debt. Illiteracy. Health care. Day care. Homelessness. Pollution. Arms-spending that milks us of the money that should be going into life-affirming work. There's no corner of American life that doesn't need radically fresh thinking.

Don't shape yourself to a dumb job; shape the job to your strengths and your curiosity and your ideals. I've told you this story of my life for whatever pieces of it you may have wanted to grab as it went by... If I had to sum up why my work has been interesting it's because I changed the direction of my life every eight or nine years and never did--or continued to do--what was expected.

I didn't go into the family business; I didn't stay at the Herald Tribune; I didn't stay in New York. And I didn't stay at Yale. In 1979 I made a resume, like every Yale senior (they showed me how to do it--how to make it look nice), and went job-hunting in New York, and got a job with the Book-of-the-Month Club, which was still another new field for me, and in many ways those eight years were the most interesting years of all. So don't become a prisoner of any plans and dreams except your own best plans and dreams.

Don't assume that if you don't do what some people seem to be insisting that you do, in this goal-obsessed and money-obsessed and security-obsessed nation, it's the end of the world. It's not the end of the world. As my experience with my father proves, something very nourishing can happen--a blessing, a form of grace. Be ready to be surprised by grace.

And be very wary of security as a goal. It may often look like life's best prize. Usually it's not....For you, I hope today will be the first of many separations that will mean the putting behind you of something you've done well and the beginning of something you'll do just as well, or better. Keep separating yourself from any project that's not up to your highest standards of what's right for you--and for the broader community where you can affect the quality of life: your home, your town, your children's schools, your state, your country, your world.

If living is the trick, live usefully; nothing in your life will be as satisfying as making a difference in somebody else's life. Separate yourself from cynics and from peddlers of despair. Don't let anyone tell you it won't work. Men and women, women and me, of the Wesleyan Class of 1988:

There's no party line.

You make your own luck.

Change is a tonic.

One thing leads to another.

Living is the trick.

Thank you.

What are you going to do now? Is it time for you to make your own luck?

The post William Zinsser’s Commencement Speech at Wesleyan University 1988 appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Most people would apply for the victim card at this point and blame anything negative they were doing or how their pitiful lives turned out on their childhood. Not Chuck Close.

He rose above these challenges through his passion for art and became one of America's most celebrated artists.

Chuck's story up until this point is inspiring enough and I wish I could end Chuck's story here with "and then he lived happily ever after" but I can't.

On December 7, 1988, Chuck had a spinal artery collapse while delivering a speech in New York that left him paralyzed from the neck down. He referred to this as "the event". Here was an artist who lost the physical ability to pursue his passion for art...

Would we blame him for giving up?

No, we wouldn't. It's hard enough to overcome one tragic event but two is too much. This sounds like the perfect time to rest on his laurels. At least he experienced success before this happened.

Did he give up?

No, he didn't.

He became resourceful. He didn't wallow in his unfortunate situation and reflect on why this was happening to him. He didn't tell himself that he has already accomplished more than enough with everything that has happened to him. He focused on how he can continue to pursue his passion.

This persistence fueled his creativity and led him to discover that he can make small paintings while holding the paintbrush with his teeth. After some intensive physical therapy, he regained some movement in his arms and strapping a paintbrush to his wrist with tape, he created large mosaic-form paintings that were just as popular as his work before "the event".

Check out some of Chuck Close's artwork by clicking here.

This is a great example to never give up. No matter what happens or what setbacks you have, continue to find ways to pursue your passion because there is always a way (Albert Einstein didn't give up either). It may not be the way you intended but as long you are pursuing your passion, it won't matter.

What roadblocks do you have in your life that is stopping you from pursuing your passion? Are you focusing on your bad luck or are you being resourceful and thinking about how to pursue your passion despite these roadblocks?

If Chuck can do it, so can you.

If you want to hear more about Chuck Close's story from Chuck himself, check out Chronicles of Courage: Very Special Artists where Chuck Close speaks candidly about how his disability impacted his life and work.

The post Fueled by Passion – Chuck Close appeared first on Embrace Possibility.