Start early. Be consistent. Let it grow.

All solid advice.

What if you took the same idea and applied it to everything else that matters?

Instead of reaping dividends only in dollars, how might you earn them in other important areas of your life?

Here are five of the most valuable places to invest your time, energy, and attention, so you can harvest the fruits of your efforts for many years to come:

1. Memories: The Compound Interest of Joy

You don’t remember what you bought three years ago. But you do remember that late-night talk with a friend, the spontaneous trip, or the family dinner where everyone couldn’t stop laughing.

Memories are emotional currency. They don’t just bring you joy in the moment—they gain value with time. I often scroll through short clips of my kids and friends and can't help be in a better mood. The more meaningful moments you create, the more grateful and optimistic you tend to become. A bank of joyful memories makes future challenges easier to face.

Life Dividends:

• Stronger relationships

• A richer personal narrative

• Resilience during hard times

• A more positive lens on life

Practical Tips:

• Create a “memory fund”—a monthly budget for doing something memorable with people you love (even $25 can go a long way).

• Prioritize firsts—first hikes, first performances, first projects together. Firsts stand out.

• Capture and reflect—take one photo or jot a note each week or month about a moment you want to remember. Just remember to savor the moment as opposed (Why Photographers Miss Out On Life).

2. Knowledge: Returns That Outperform Any Market

A single insight can change your life. A book, podcast, or conversation might offer a new way to solve a problem, connect with others, or navigate a challenge. (Here are our recommended books, free online courses, and quotes)

But here’s the real magic: the more you learn, the easier it becomes to learn more. New knowledge connects with what you already know, forming deeper understanding, faster recall, and sharper judgment.

And it doesn’t just help you solve problems—it makes life richer. A person who understands art enjoys a museum more. A person who studies human behavior navigates relationships more wisely. A person who understands how systems work sees opportunities others miss. If you're not sure what to learn, just follow your interests.

Knowledge compounds. The more you use it, the more valuable it becomes.

Life Dividends:

• Better decision-making

• Expanded opportunities

• Greater appreciation of everyday experiences

• Accelerated learning over time

Practical Tips:

• Keep a “learning ledger”—write down one insight every two weeks and how you applied it. (Take a look at our book summaries for inspiration)

• Choose resources with a purpose. Don’t just consume—implement.

• Teach others what you learn. That’s when it really sticks.

3. Relationships: The Most Undervalued Asset

Strong relationships don’t happen by accident. They grow through consistent deposits—attention, encouragement, shared experience.

These investments don’t just pay you back emotionally. They provide support, perspective, and energy when you need them most.

And here’s the overlooked benefit: great relationships make everything else easier. When you have people who believe in you, challenge you, or simply listen well, you make better decisions, bounce back faster, and enjoy life more.

Life Dividends:

• Deeper connection

• Support during transition

• A sense of belonging and purpose

• A stronger foundation for personal growth

Practical Tips:

• Set a recurring reminder to reach out to someone you care about each week. Instead of sending flowers when someone passes away, send it to them when they are still alive.

• Celebrate small wins with others—new jobs, personal milestones, even silly victories.

• Create rituals: monthly calls, quarterly dinners, annual trips. Rituals help keep relationships strong.

4. Health: The Freedom Multiplier

As we get older, our fitness and mobility naturally declines. Investing in your body and mind today extends your options, stamina, and presence tomorrow.

What’s more: health amplifies everything else. When you’re rested, fueled, and clear-headed, you think better, work better, and stay consistent with other habits.

Life Dividends:

• More energy and clarity

• Better mood and focus

• Ability to fully engage in life

• Greater consistency in your other goals

Practical Tips:

• Choose one keystone habit—sleep, Zone 2 exercise, healthy diet, daily stretching—and protect it.

• Track how you feel after your habits, not just what you did.

• Stack small wins: movement, hydration, sleep—improve 1%, consistently.

5. Skills: Tools That Keep Opening Doors

Skills give you options. Communication, leadership, coding, design, writing—whatever your craft, developing it creates leverage for you.

And once you have a skill, no one can take it away from you. You carry it into every job, relationship, and opportunity.

Skills also create momentum. The confidence you gain from learning one skill makes it easier to tackle the next. And as your skillset expands, so does your sense of identity and self-trust.

Life Dividends:

• Career leverage

• Creative freedom

• A stronger sense of self-efficacy

• Motivation and momentum to learn more

Practical Tips:

• Pick one skill that excites you and solves a real problem in your life.

• Schedule consistent “practice sessions”—even 20 minutes a day compounds.

• Use it in real life. Apply what you’re learning to your work or community.

The Real ROI: A Life That Keeps Paying You Back

You won’t always see the return right away.

But the time you spent showing up for a friend?
The walk you took instead of doom-scrolling?
The book you underlined and actually used?
The skill you practiced even when no one was watching?

Those moments don’t disappear.
They compound.

They show up later—as strength when life gets messy, clarity when choices get hard, and joy when you need it most.

So yes—invest in your future.
But don’t forget to invest in what makes your future worth living.

Because the best dividends in life don’t show up in your bank account.
They show up in the quality of your life.

👉 What’s one small investment you can make today— that your future self will thank you for tomorrow?

The post The Best Investments Pay Life Dividends appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

So, how can you practically value your time over money?

Track your time

The first step to valuing your time is to track it. Use a time-tracking app or a simple spreadsheet to record how you spend your time. This will help you identify where your time is going and make more conscious decisions about how to spend your time. A few time wasters to flag when doing this exercise are any time you're spending to:

• Worry about what-ifs and what-if-nots
• Live and replay the past for whatever reason
• Fantasize about the future
• Take too long to decide on things that are reversible and matter very little (like what you're going to eat for lunch or whether or not you should buy those shoes on Amazon)

Set priorities and create a time budget

Once you have an idea of how you're spending your time, set priorities. What's most important to you? What do you value? Is it spending time with loved ones, pursuing a hobby, or advancing your career? Decide what matters most and make sure you're spending your time accordingly. One way to do that is to budget your time for the week to come and determine how much time you'll allocate to your key activities. This will help you make more intentional choices about how you spend your time. Take a moment and think about what you want your life to look like during your final years - who do you want around you? what would you like to accomplish? what physical condition would you like to be in? How you invest your time now will bring you either closer or further away from that vision.

Learn to say NO

Now that you have clarity about your vision of your life, you'll need to protect it by setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't align with your goals, value, and vision. Saying no can be difficult, but it's important if you want to value your time. If someone asks you to do something that doesn't align with your priorities, politely decline. This will free up your time for the things that matter most to you. A reframe that worked for me is to remember that saying yes to someone else is often saying no to myself.

Outsource and delegate

Often, when we track our time, we feel that everything we're doing right now is necessary to do. This may be true, but what isn't true is that you'll need to do everything yourself. Whenever possible, look for ways to outsource and delegate as many of your tasks as possible so you can free up your time (your most precious resource). Often, this will give others the opportunity to learn and grow and relieve you of tasks you may not want to do or do not fall into your area of expertise. You'll also be poised to take advantage of unexpected opportunities that may arise.

Avoid multitasking or being perfect

There is enough research now that shows multitasking is not only a less effective use of time but often a source of stress. You're better off focusing on one task at a time and giving it your full attention (assuming the task is an important one - I'm all for listening to a podcast while folding laundry). Another way to gain back time is to let go of perfectionism and the need to control every situation. Sometimes good enough is good enough. Don't spend excessive time on tasks that don't require it. This practice will help you feel more comfortable delegating to others.

Schedule downtime and take breaks

As part of your time budget, schedule downtime to recharge your batteries. Whether it's watching your favorite TV show or taking a walk outside, make sure you're taking breaks throughout the day to give your brain a rest. This is assuming that you're getting ample sleep. If you're not getting enough sleep, prioritize that in your time budget.

Practice mindfulness and be present

Mindfulness can help you stay focused on the present moment and become aware that each moment carries a choice around how you want to spend your time. By practicing mindfulness meditation, you can catch yourself slipping into poor uses of time and adjust. I found Dan Harris's book 10% Happier and Jon Kabat-Zinn's Mindfulness for Beginners a good place to start if you want to learn. Being present will allow you to fully enjoy the experience and value the time you're spending.

Invest your time like you invest any other important resource. Be intentional, deliberate, and rigorous. Your time is what makes up your life (4000 weeks), so spend it wisely. Click here for a visual representation of how much time you have left to invest (a la Tim Urban's post: The Tail End).

Photo by Aron Visuals 

The post How to Value Time Over Money appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

To help you make the most out of the life ahead of you, Cornell Professor Dr. Karl Pillemer has compiled the practical advice of over 1500 people in their 70s and beyond on how to live a fulfilling life. Since these individuals have actually lived their life, they have a perspective that we don't have (Imagine if you could tell the younger you what you know now...)

Before covering Dr. Pillemer's 30 Lessons for Living, here is a preview of the advice common to almost all of the people interviewed:

• Happiness is a choice and not a result of how life treats you - life is "too short to waste on pessimism, boredom, and disillusionment." None of the interviewees associated happiness with "working as hard as you can to make money to buy whatever you want."
• When possible, take the plunge - say yes to opportunities because it'll enrich your life
• Pursue meaningful work that you look forward to every day
• Travel
• Don't go to bed angry
• Be honest with yourself and others
• Avoid judgment - let others, including yourself, live their life

The 30 lessons are organized into six major sections with five lessons for each section (this is a long post so feel free to skip around):

• Marriage or building deep relationships with your lifelong partner
• Pursuing a meaningful career
• Raising children
• Aging gracefully
• Living a life without regrets
• Being happy

Marriage or Building Deep Relationships with Your Lifelong Partner

1. Find a Partner Who Shares Your Core Values and Is Your Friend

The original advice in the book was "Marry Someone a Lot Like You." Since we can be similar in many ways to someone, yet have different values, the focus when finding a lifelong partner is to find alignment between your approaches to life. Note the emphasis on finding alignment as opposed to creating alignment. Often, it's easy to fool ourselves into thinking that we or the other person will convert to make the relationship work, but that's rarely the case. If you value saving money as a path to a good life, and the other person values spending money as a path to a good life, you're going to be fighting an uphill battle to make the relationship work. Recognize that to take this advice, you'll need to be clear about your own values (how to figure out your values).

2. Make Sure You're Friends

Are you good friends with your lifelong partner?

In addition to having similar core values, you also want someone you enjoy spending time with. Our friends are people we want to see because we like talking to them and can relax around them. The interviewees recommend that, when possible, you should marry your best friend (maybe being placed in the "friend zone" is not a bad thing. Now, if you're in the friend zone, consider sharing this article with your friend who you would like to be more than a friend)

3. Don't Keep Score

Great relationships are not transactional. Both sides are trying to contribute more to the relationship. In The 80/80 Marriage, husband-and-wife team Kaley and Nate Kemp recommends each partner focus on contributing 80% to building the best possible relationship. By focusing on increasing your own contributions, you will pay more attention to what else you can do as opposed to what else the other person should be doing.

Ask, "What can I do for my partner? How can I make my partner a little happier today?" as opposed to "Am I getting what I need from my partner?" Look for ways to give more than you can get. If you're truly friends (lesson #2), the other person will likely reciprocate. Doesn't hurt to keep one-upping each other in showing your love.

4. Communicate, Communicate, Communicate

To keep the relationship running smoothly, you'll need to be able to talk through conflict. You won't always agree with the other person, but if you can't talk through it, resentment builds. Although the advice is to talk to each other, a big part of defusing the situation is to listen to your partner and sincerely and clearly show that you're listening. That means acknowledging what you're hearing and playing back what you heard. Always let the other person have their say. One question that might help unknot a struggle is to ask, "Which one of us is this more important to?" Knowing this will make it easier for the other person to let it go (especially if you're focusing on advice #3).

5. Commit to the Promise You've Made to Each Other

Since I can remember, divorce rates seems to be trending up and getting steeper. There are positive reasons for separation such as people feeling empowered to leave relationships that are not working out freeing both parties to find better partners. At the same time, some of the interviewees suggest treating marriage, or the promise to stay together, as less of a "voluntary partnership" but as a "profound cultural arrangement" that should be entered into seriously both when deciding to marry and when deciding to part. This advice seems easier if you follow #1-4. One way to help you go the distance is to avoid going to bed angry - most disagreements "aren't worth more than a day's combat."

Pursuing a Meaningful Career

6. Choose a Career that You Enjoy, Not Just One That Makes You Money

When the interviewees looked in the rearview mirror after a long life, one thing that was clear is that "time well and enjoyably spent trumps money anytime." Look for a job, calling, career, whatever you want to call it, that makes you happy and sits at the intersection of what you love, what you're good at, and what serves others (so you can reap some form of financial reward - those bills don't pay themselves). Work that leads to personal growth, meaningful relationships, and contribution to the community will often result in a happier life. Since we spend much of our adult lives working, find work where the work itself fulfills you and you have a passion for it.

7.  Don't Give Up on Looking for a Job That Makes You Happy

It's likely that you read advice #6 and said, "That might work for some people, but that's just not feasible for me. Besides, I don't need to be happy at work. Work is work and play is play." Of course, you're entitled to choose whichever path you would like. See each piece of advice as something the future-you might tell the present-you.

If you're not finding your work meaningful or fulfilling, those who have gone ahead of you recommend that you don't stop trying to find a job you would really enjoy. Take a moment right now and think about whether you enjoyed going to work this past week/month. If not, what would you enjoy doing? Don't get hung up on feasibility for now - just brainstorm what jobs you would love to do or try. Consider taking the Know What You Want Workshop to help you figure it out (it's free if you're serious about completing it - just find the code at the bottom of this article on 30 Qualities of Highly Successful People).

The interviewees advise: "Don't be afraid to move around and try different things, no matter how old you are." Do give yourself a time limit to figure things out and understand that you'll often need to take a risk to make a move toward the job that makes you happy.

8. Make the Most of a Bad Job

As you're continuing to look for the job you love (#7) to be in a career that is intrinsically rewarding (#6), you may still need to put up with the job you have. To help you cope, focus on doing what you can to leverage your current job to help you refine what you want, what your capabilities are, and what's right for you. Learn as much as you can about yourself and pay attention to which work activities energize you and which drain you. Study what makes good bosses, colleagues, and businesses strong and what makes poor leaders, co-workers, and companies weak. No matter what job you're in, do it well so you continue to build your reputation, confidence, and competence.

9. Develop Emotional Intelligence

Your ability to work well with others is critical for your success. Whether you're inspiring others, gaining consensus, or building deep relationships, it's often the soft skills that propel you in your career, especially at the more senior levels. A linchpin to emotional intelligence is having and showing empathy. You will likely hit on the right approach if you keep in mind that others don't have the same goals, motivations, or beliefs as you do. You'll find yourself more accepting of others and slow in judging their way of working.

Cultivate the humility to recognize that almost always others will know more about their particular area than you do and the key to working well with others is to keep the focus on them and their needs. Rarely will people care about your goals and KPIs above their own. One piece of advice from the interviewees is to "take others seriously, but don't take yourself too seriously."

10. Prioritize Autonomy

Early in our lives, we have more time than we know what to do with so it's easy to give it away to others or to use it less sparingly. Many of us are very willing to trade in our time for money, which we need to live the life we want. As you'll see in advice #26, as we get older, time becomes our most precious resource, and we'll want to be more hesitant to trade time for money. It's easy to choose a career based on potential earnings, but it's a high cost if those earnings come at the expense of your independence (especially if you don't love what you do). Prioritize gaining more freedom from the job you have - to do so practically, you'll often need to be 1) excellent at your job, 2) living below your means, and 3) focused on valuing time over money.

Raising Children

11. Maximize the Quantity of Time Spent Together

When spending time with your children, quality AND quantity matter. Closeness in a relationship comes from being together. I learned this lesson firsthand going through the COVID-19 pandemic. By being at home more, I realized that my kids would open up to me, not when I asked them how their day went, but during random times when we were together taking a walk, watching a show, or drawing unicorns. It made me wonder how many of these moments I was missing when I was away either physically or mentally.

According to those who have lived a long life, your children "don’t want your money (or what your money buys) anywhere near as much as they want you. Specifically, they want you with them." In practice, this might mean indulging in the activities they want to do, as opposed to imposing what you want to do together as a family (I'm still trying to work on this!) If you're serious about building a relationship with your kids, measure the time you spend being present with your kids or other loved ones as a good way to gauge quality time. Be willing to sacrifice other commitments to have this shared time. A bonus for spending time with your kids is that you have a better sense of who they are, what they are going through, what they enjoy doing, and how they see the world.

12. Avoid Showing Favoritism

It's normal to have favorites - maybe your child shares common interests with you, or has a similar personality, but it's critical to never show favoritism to your children. Kids pick up on favorites - my older son recently accused us of favoring his younger brother because we have more of his brother's drawings up on the wall. We didn't even realize we were doing that since the real reason for the lopsided balance of wall art is that our younger son is constantly asking us to put his drawings on the wall. Be aware of your words and actions that may be interpreted or misinterpreted as favoring one child over another. One thing you can do to reduce this risk is to avoid comparing your kids. For more tips, check out Siblings Without Rivalry.

13. Don't Hit Your Kids

This might be a controversial piece of advice depending on where you're from and your cultural upbringing. As with all advice, do what will work for you. One question I've found helpful to ask myself when needing to discipline is, "Would I treat any other person the way I'm about to treat my child?" This is much harder to do when I'm hijacked by anger. I try to keep in mind the advice from the interviewees that "discipline should be very quiet and controlled, but kind," since they've seen the longer-term fall out of their actions.

Physical punishment may feel like it's solving the immediate problem, but it may teach your child lessons that you may not want them to learn such as "I need to do everything I can to please authority figures," "force wins when words don't," "it's ok to hurt others if they aren't doing what I want them to do." 20 years of research show that corporal punishment does more harm than good. According to the interviewees, hitting is a failure in parenting, and they believed "in firmness, in maintaining a clear moral compass, and in setting limits. But they are remarkably unified on the idea that corporal punishment of children is a disciplinary dead end that spoils the relationship, leaving emotional marks that last long after childhood."

14. Do Whatever You Can to Prevent Rifts

Interviewees who were estranged from their children strongly regretted losing the bond with their kids. Reflecting back on how heavily this rift weighed on them and the pain they felt as life went on, they recommend avoiding it at all costs. If you sense a rift is occurring, take the lead to act immediately to defuse it. This will often mean being the first to apologize or compromise. The longer you wait to mend a break the harder it becomes to reconcile. In some cases, it never blows over and you become separated forever. Although what you are fighting over may seem important at that moment, it's likely not worth severing the relationship you have with your child.

15.  Build a Lifelong Relationship with Your Children

It's easy as parents to focus on launching our children into adulthood. Although helping our children grow up to live the life they want is critical, you'll want to be a part of their lives. No matter their age, look for ways to help them feel welcome at home and be open to sharing things with you. A good way to do so is to be non-judgmental. No one wants to be nagged at, constantly be given advice, or told that they should be living their life another way (no matter how good your intentions might be). Enjoy their company and act in ways so they enjoy yours.

Aging Gracefully

16. Look Forward to Being Old (It's better than you think!)

In some cultures, being an elder is revered and respected. In others, it can feel more like a looming expiration date of one's relevance. What is inevitable is that we will get older and if we're lucky, we'll become very old. Those who are squarely in that camp right now advise us to not waste time worrying about aging. They highlight how being old comes with a "sense of calm and easiness in daily life" where you can do whatever you want. You're no longer shackled by the expectations or responsibilities you might feel earlier in life (or maybe you just care less). That sounds like something to look forward to!

17. Act Now like You Will Need Your Body for a Hundred Years

Many of the interviewees highlight the importance of taking care of your body now. They emphasize that "it's not dying you should worry about it - it's chronic disease." Often the result of poor health decisions is not an early death, but decades of suffering for you and those who need to take care of you. When deciding today whether to eat right or exercise, understand that your health choices and habits accumulate. The focus is not on how long you will live, but on how you are going to live. Hopefully, this advice will give you pause when you hear yourself justifying a poor life choice with the excuse, "So what? We all have to die sometime." For some guidance, check out this free healthy living guide from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

18. Don't Fret About Dying

Those who are closest to the end of their lives find themselves worrying less about dying. They found that they end up falling into "a mix of interest, curiosity, and acceptance." If those who need to worry most about dying aren't doing so, why should you?

19. Actively Stay Connected to Others

As you become older, it's natural for your social circles to shrink. People you know may have moved away or passed away. You're becoming less mobile. You're no longer in natural social settings like work, school events, etc. Actively fight against isolation by involving yourself in social networks that all you to stay connected to others. One tip shared by a number of interviewees is to take advantage of classes and other learning opportunities. You get to meet new people who have a common interest and see them on a regular basis. For the introverts out there, you don't need to attend big social gatherings, but do push yourself to meet new people. For some ideas, check out The Introvert's Guide to Social Engagement (Harvard Health).

20. Plan Ahead on Where You'll Live and Share Your Post-Life Wishes

As you get older, you'll want to choose a place to live that will help you stay connected to the people you want to be with. A number of the interviewees commented on their move to a senior living community as one of the best decisions of their lives since it allows them to meet new people and "have a life." You'll also want to accept and adapt to your changing physical abilities and situation and select activities that fit the current-you. That might mean switching from breakdancing to swimming, or hiking less ambitious trails because the view may not be worth the risk of injury. As part of your planning, think about the decisions that others may need to make about you when you pass. To prevent arguments or speculation amongst your loved ones, state clearly what you want in writing.

Living a Life Without Regrets

21. Be Honest

Almost all the interviewees cited honesty as one of the major values and principles to live by. The longer you're alive the more you'll see the importance of integrity and trust. Dishonesty creates pressure and stress for you - keeping the facts straight, living with the fear of being found out, or dealing with the short- and long-term implications of a tarnished reputation. Living honestly seems to be the easier road to travel (even though it often feels like the harder one to take).

22. Say Yes to Opportunities

We can unknowingly limit ourselves because we're only aware of the things we've done and completely oblivious to what we could potentially do. To help you live life to the fullest, the elders interviewed in this book recommend saying yes to opportunities that come your way "unless you've got a really solid reason to say no." By being open to new ventures and experiences, you learn more about yourself to make even better decisions in the future. Move to a new country. Volunteer for a cause you care about. Do the thing you've been putting off until the right time. The interviewees who took a risk in their careers often look back with the most satisfaction in their work lives. Don't ask "why?" Ask "why not?"

23. Travel More

Rarely do people regret traveling too much. No matter how much traveling the interviewees did, most of them wished they had traveled more. As we get older, we may not be able to travel to as many places, so the elders recommend younger people to travel now while they have the time, physical ability, and freedom to do so. Because of the many benefits of traveling, prioritize it over other things you may spend money on. Travel will challenge you, broaden your horizons, and help you learn about yourself. Start by listing the places you want to go and book a trip today. You'll likely not regret that decision.

24. Select a Lifelong Mate with Extreme Care

There are three common scenarios that the interviewees highlight as potentially disastrous when it comes to choosing a lifelong partner:

1. "Fall passionately in love and commit immediately
2. Commit out of desperation that no one better will come along
3. Drift or fall into marriage without the choice or the reasons ever becoming clear"

Their core advice is to hit pause and think through this important decision. Don't rush because marrying the wrong person can be extremely painful. Take time to know the other person well (which isn't easy early in a relationship when everyone is putting their best foot forward). Observe the little things that may give you hints about who they are deep down and ask yourself whether it's something you can accept. Remember to look for similar core values (#1) and strong friendship (#2) as well to help you choose a mate that can bring you lifelong happiness. A good question to ask: "Is this the person you want by your side as you face tough life challenges?"

25. Say It Now

Countless movies have been made about the regret of leaving things unsaid. If there is something meaningful you want to say to someone, don't wait. Do it now. This might be telling someone how much you love them or apologizing to mend a relationship where you don't even remember what you were fighting about. Look to clear the air.

One piece of advice that stuck with me was, "Send flowers to the living. The dead never see them." You may also want to think about the questions you want to know especially from your aging parents - where did they come from, what were you like as a child, and what advice might they give on living a good life? You'll see at the end of this article a list of questions to ask the elders in your life.

Being Happy

26. Value Time Over Everything

Life is truly short and no group knows this better than the one interviewed for this book. Despite all the years they've been alive, the oldest folks in the group were the most surprised by how fast time has gone. Their advice is to seriously recognize how limited time really is and to purposefully decide how to take advantage of each day. They see each day as a gift and with an "unharvested abundance of pleasure, enjoyment, love, and beauty that many younger people miss."

To keep you from squandering the day you're given, purposefully use your life minutes. What is it that you want to do right now with your time? Be extra sensitive to phrases like, "I'll do [desired activity] when [future time or event occurs]," or "I can't wait until [insert positive result or event]" because that day may never come. Don't put things off that you've been wanting to do, learn, say, experience. Shift the focus from what is going to happen to what's happening now. Be more "lavish" with the present time because it's the only time you have. I've been guilty of saving a nice bottle of champagne until it goes bad or sparingly using expensive accessories for special occasions. We can't get back the days that passed, but we can make the most of the days ahead.

One idea that really stuck out for me from the interviews is to "skip the funerals and see your friends now." Here is what one interviewee shared:

"We’ve told most of our close friends: We’re not going to show up at their funerals because we can’t stand funerals. But we are going to show up at any party or happy thing they invite us to."

What a wonderful idea!

27. Choose Happiness on a Daily Basis

The interviewees strongly recommend taking responsibility for your own happiness and seeing happiness as a choice you make, and not a result of your current condition. If you find yourself in a situation you don't like, initiate change to move away from that. Although you won't be able to control what happens to you, you can choose your attitude and reactions to them. Feelings like anger, fear, disappointment, annoyance, and resentment are created from our thoughts and expectations even though we'll find it more convenient to blame others for causing those feelings. When you feel negative emotions, think about where it comes from and the story you're telling yourself. Then accept it, and let it go. You're in charge of your life - don't let outside forces impact how you feel and what you decide to do.

One way to choose happiness on a daily basis is to make happiness unconditional ("I'm happy in spite of ...") as opposed to conditional ("I'm happy if only ..."). Often when our happiness is dependent on something external, it's short-lived (even when you win the lottery). In the words of one of the interviewers, "Decide not to feel sorry for yourself - get up and do what you have to do to be happy. " 

28. Don't Waste Time Worrying

Time is limited and if you're squandering it worrying, you're not spending it living. Trust that it'll work out. Worrying, on its own, doesn't solve or help with anything. Not only will it not make a difference, but it'll also likely put you in a negative state. To help you gain back some time, recognize when you're worrying and re-purpose that time for something you want to do with your life - hit the gym, learn a language, travel, or spend time with people you enjoy spending time with.

Even when you have a reason to worry, don't spend your time ruminating about the potential negative outcome. If you're afraid of something, do what is in your power to prepare and plan for it instead of wasting energy worrying about it. Once you take action to mitigate what you think might happen, don't think about it anymore.

There's rarely a good reason or excuse to worry for the sake of worrying, but if you find yourself stuck in a worrying rut, which can happen, focus on the short term (the day, hour, or minute that you're in right now) as opposed to the long term implications of what you're worried about. Here is an interviewee's reflection that might help,

"I’ve learned a lot about life and nothing bothers me anymore. And it gets to be so, and it’s just the way it is. Acceptance, yes. If you don’t accept it, you go down the drain. Be calm, go with the flow. People worry about dying, about everything."

29. Savor the Little Things in Life

As we live life, it's easy to focus on the milestone moments of our lives - our birthday, our graduation, our wedding, our big promotion, our new house. Those events are worth celebrating, but often we might be missing opportunities to savor the micro-delights that occur daily in our lives - a smile from our child, the beautiful weather, a good swim, a funny text exchange. By noticing the little things in life that bring us joy, we are increasing our own happiness on a daily basis, which is important especially since we're not guaranteed the future. Find the daily treasures in your life. If you're looking for it, you'll find it. As someone who is often too future-oriented, I set a reminder to think about a daily delight at noon each day. It draws my attention to something positive and sets a great tone for the second half of the day.

30. Have Faith

Believe in something beyond you - this might be a religion, philosophy, or credo. Look for ways to be a part of a community and to have a spiritual practice that you can do with others. The interviewees have found faith helpful to place suffering in context and a belief in a higher power often focuses us to care not only for ourselves but others as well. One common refrain amongst the world's religions is the idea of the golden rule:

"Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you." 

The golden rule works because to follow it, you'll need to empathize with other people and understand their perspectives and how they might feel about your actions. Being kind, showing compassion, lending a helping hand, and treating others with respect are some of the natural behaviors of following this time-tested rule.

So, you've made it to the end of this list! Hopefully, this list will help you make the most of the minutes ahead of you. We'll wrap with this final thought from one of the interviewees:

"I have had to live simply but eventually I realized that it is the best way for me to live. To know what is enough, not to use more than my share of the earth’s resources, to recognize the difference between wants and needs, to enjoy the pleasure of making something broken of use again, and learning to appreciate simple pleasures has made my life more satisfying and less worrisome. Happiness does not depend on how much we have but is based on personal success of skills and artistry, a sense of humor, the acquisition of knowledge, the refinement of character, the expression of gratitude, the satisfaction of helping others, the pleasure of friends, the comfort of family, and the joy of love."

Feel free to share this article with those who you think might benefit. Please share any life lessons you've learned that you might share with a younger you.

You can find a searchable directory of advice at The Legacy Project.

Questions to Ask the Elders in Your Life

If you have elders in your life that you would like to interview, here are ten questions Pillemer recommends:

1. What are some of the most important lessons you feel you have learned over the course of your life? If the person has difficulty getting started, try this follow-up question: If a young person asked you, “What have you learned in your X years in this world,” what would you tell him or her?

2. What kinds of advice would you have about getting and staying married? Follow-ups: What’s the secret of a long marriage? What mistakes should young people avoid regarding getting and staying married? What advice would you have for a younger couple thinking of calling it quits?

3. What kinds of advice do you have about raising children? Follow-ups: What mistakes should people avoid in child rearing?

4. Do you have any advice you can share about finding fulfilling work and how to succeed in a career?

5. Some people say that they have had difficult or stressful experiences but they have learned important lessons from them. Is that true for you? Can you give examples of what you learned?

6. As you look back over your life, do you see any “turning points”; that is, a key event or experience that changed the course of your life or set you on a different track? Follow-ups: What are some of the important choices or decisions you made that you have learned from?

7. What would you say you know now about living a happy and successful life that you didn’t know when you were twenty?

8. What would you say are the major values or principles that you live by?

9. Have you learned any lessons regarding staying in good health?

10. What advice would you give to people about growing older?

Photo by Peter Conlan

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Trillion Dollar Coach: The Leadership Playbook of Silicon Valley's Bill Campbell

• Published: April 2019
• ISBN-10: 0062839268
• EP Rating: 4 out of 5 (worth picking up)

EP Main Takeaway: "Your title makes you a manager. Your people make you a leader." To be effective, truly care about helping your people be successful. Show up, work hard, and have an impact every day. Building a healthy community is key to engaging your employees but individual success and ambition, although necessary, can be at odds with community-building efforts. Always keep learning. "If you've been blessed, be a blessing."

The post Trillion Dollar Coach – Bill Campbell Leadership Lessons by Eric Schmidt, Jonathan Rosenberg, and Alan Eagle appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Whether it's intentional or not, other people will do things that hurt us. This might be a work colleague who steals credit for our work or a personal friend who breaks our trust in an unforgivable way. In these moments, we feel completely justified to hold a grudge - we've been wronged and we deserve justice.

I was recently reading Oprah's The Wisdom of Sundays and she mentioned the following lesson she learned that really stuck with me:

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past can be any different. . . it is accepting that it has happened to you, not accepting that it was OK for it to happen."

The idea that our inability or reluctance to forgive is because we want the impossible (changing something that can't be changed) to happen is one that can only keep us stuck.

Although we have the reason and the right to withhold our forgiveness, there is a good chance that your grudge is bringing you down more than it is bringing the other person down. In many cases, the other person may not even be aware or care that you feel the way you feel. Even if they were, it doesn't impact them as negatively as it impacts you.

That's a long-winded way of saying, forgive others not because you're letting them off the hook but because you're letting yourself off the hook. Don't stay stuck because of what someone else did to you. Your present time is precious - don't waste it reliving the past.

Below is a Zen story that brings this point home:

A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

(Source: KindSpring)

What can you let go of right now to help you make the most of your present time?

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

-Gandhi

 

Photo by Felix Koutchinski

The post When you find it hard to forgive someone … appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

• Published: September 2012
• ISBN-10: 1592408419
• EP Rating: 4 out of 5 (worth picking up)

EP Main Takeaway: People are inspired by other people's vulnerability yet ashamed of their own. Be willing to show up and be all in. Make an effort with others by always engaging fully. If we judge when we receive, we judge when we give. The more afraid we are to talk about shame, the more we are controlled by it. Shame is when we feel flawed, guilt is when we make a mistake. To tackle shame, know that you are already worthy and that you are not your actions.

The post Daring Greatly by Brene Brown appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

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Mindsight: The New Science of Personal Transformation

• Published: December 2010
• ISBN-10: 0553386395
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (must read)

EP Main Takeaway: Our brain is an anticipation machine that continually prepares itself for the future based on what has happened in the past. We can change our experiences and our brain by directing our attention and creating new neural pathways. Perception is always a blend of what we are sensing now (feeling) and what we've learned previously (shortcut). Understanding what impacts our perception allows us to manage our perceptions and respond as opposed to react to what happens to us.

The post Mindsight by Daniel Siegel appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

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Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life - Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships by Marshall Rosenberg

• Published: September 1, 2015 (3rd Edition)
• ISBN-10: 189200528X
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (highly recommended)

EP Main Takeaway: Express your needs honestly and receive your requests empathically. Take responsibility for your feelings. it is not the behavior of the other person but our own need that causes what we feel. Stimulus is not the cause.

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As a parent, I imagined endless whining and moping and an annoying summer all around. Surprisingly, that didn't happen. He didn't even cry at the doctor's office.

I've never been in a cast before but I would  imagine it being an irritating and uncomfortable experience at best. Which is why my son's non-reaction to this entire experience amazed me.

Jake adjusted to the cast immediately and  acted as if the cast has been a part of him all of his life. He climbed on things and moved about just as much as before. He slept well and didn't complain at all.

Despite his good mood, everyone felt sorry for him.

We certainly did.

My parents especially.

All of our friends as well.

Strangers too.

Everyone would ask him if he's okay and the question puzzled him - "why wouldn't I be ok?"

Perhaps ignorance is bliss but Jake's response taught me an important lesson:

When facing setbacks or unexpected misfortune, act as if it was planned and meant to be.

If we adopt this mindset, the entire focus changes away from the past and into the present. By staying in the moment, we pay attention to what we can do to continue moving forward with our lives.

This is easy to understand yet difficult to do because we are fighting our natural response to pity ourselves. We've been conditioned by watching others who become sad and regretful, blame others or complain non-stop when something goes wrong. When we experience a setback, it's easy to feel that life has been unfair to us and now we are entitled to special treatment or at least a good excuse to be a bit more self-centered.

Although this is the common reaction, it's hardly an effective one. Think back to when something bad happened to you and you just moped or got angry with those around you. There are typically no winners in that situation. You're not in a better mood and now others are feeling bad as well.

Next time you get passed over for your promotion, rejected by your love interest or fall ill unexpectedly, act as if this was meant to happen and a normal occurrence. This mindset of acceptance will help you get on with your life.

My four-year old nephew sums it all beautifully in a rhyme he learned in school:

"You get what you get but you don't get upset."

Pay attention to kids - they can teach us a lot.

Here is another one I learned from babies on how to always achieve your goals.

Update - My son's cast is officially off  and right before his first day of daycare. What great timing!

The post What my two-year old taught me about managing setbacks appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

... looking back.

Reflect on 2013 - what were the major highlights and disappointments?

Take time to celebrate both your successes and failures.  Successes confirm that your skills and plan were on point.  Failures identify opportunities for growth and invite flexibility in your plan.  This year, I've achieved some of my goals, changed a few others and failed at a good bunch.

If you're hitting all of your goals, you may be having an awesome year or it might be a sign that you've set the bar too low.  If you're hitting none of your goals, then the goals you've set might be slightly unrealistic.  Find the sweet spot on the outer edge of your comfort zone.  This is the place where you begin to grow.  Keep pushing your limits.

After you've reviewed and celebrated 2013, spend time ...

... projecting forward.

Now that you have another year's worth of knowledge and experience, what do you want 2014 to look like?

What do you hope to accomplish?  What do you want to stop doing?  How are your 2014 goals aligned with your personal mission in life?

Take this time to mentally visualize what you want your next year to look like.  Get specific and observe how you are going to execute your plan and note the sacrifices you'll be making to get you there.

As you move from the past to the future, don't forget the importance of ...

... staying present.

Acknowledge that you're consciously taking the time to analyze your past and plan your future.  If you are not present during this process, you put yourself at risk.

It's easy to reminisce for too long - patting yourself on the back for your accomplishments or kicking yourself for what you didn't do.  At the same time, it can be enticing to stay in the future - fueled by the euphoria of dreams or the paralysis of worry.

To prevent this, set trip wires for yourself to stay present.  This may be in the form of regularly scheduled meditation or a periodic alarm that will remind you to be aware of what is happening in the moment.

Whether you believe it or not, you've had a great year being you.  You've just learned another year's worth of valuable information about yourself.  If you don't feel that way, make it a goal in 2014 to be more self observant throughout the year.  Note what you're doing and what you're not doing that gives you the results you like and continuing experimenting to find the best strategies that work for you.

Share with us your 2014 goals in the comment section below.  It'll be a good way to keep yourself accountable and inspire others.  Also, you can review your goals periodically to see how you're doing.

Thank you for taking this journey with me this past year.

Have a happy new year!

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