First and foremost, it's important to understand that regret is a natural part of the human experience. Research has shown that we tend to regret the things we didn't do more than the things we did do. This makes sense when you consider that, as humans, we are wired to seek out new experiences and take risks. When we don't take those risks, we can feel like we've missed out on something important.

If you're struggling with regret over something you did, the first step is to try to undo it or make amends. Apologizing and taking steps to repair the situation can be a powerful way to start the process of moving past your regret. If that's not possible, try reframing the situation. Instead of saying, "If only I didn't do..." use "At least..." and focus on how the situation didn't turn out worse or an unexpected positive outcome.

For example, let's say you regret picking a major in Chemistry in college. Instead of dwelling on the "if only" statements, try reframing them with an "at least" statement. "At least it's differentiated me from my peers in the training and coaching industry" or "At least I didn't go to grad school for chemistry."

A common source of regret is things left unsaid. We may wish we had spoken up in a certain situation, or that we had expressed our feelings more clearly to someone. In these cases, it's often possible to undo the regret by taking action. If we feel like we missed an opportunity to say something important, we can try to reach out to the person and express ourselves now.

Another powerful tool for dealing with regret is self-disclosure. Talking to someone you trust about your regret can be a great way to acknowledge and process your feelings. Alternatively, you can write about your regret in a private journal. This can help you gain perspective and move past the regret.

Self-compassion is another important tool for dealing with regret. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who was going through a difficult time. What would you say to them? Use those same words to comfort and support yourself. This can help normalize and neutralize your feelings of regret, making them feel less overwhelming.

Finally, it's important to learn from your regrets. What did you learn from the situation? What can you take away from it that will help you in the future? Regret can be a powerful teacher if you allow it to be. Reflect on your experience and use what you've learned to make better decisions in the future. When it comes to future decisions, we can try to anticipate regret by considering what our values and goals are. Research suggests that there are four core regrets that people tend to have: not building a solid foundation for the future, not taking sensible risks, not doing the right thing, and not connecting with others. By keeping these regrets in mind, we can try to make decisions that align with our values and minimize the likelihood of future regret.

Of course, the best way to deal with regret is to avoid it in the first place. This is easier said than done, of course, but there are some strategies you can use to help minimize the likelihood of regretting your decisions. Daniel Pink, in his book "The Power of Regret," suggests that we "satsifice" on most decisions, especially if we're not dealing with one of the four core regrets. Essentially, this means we should aim for good enough instead of perfect for decisions that won't have a huge impact on our lives.

On the other hand, for crucial decisions that fall under the four core regrets, we should maximize our efforts. Project yourself into the future and ask yourself what will help you build a solid foundation, take a sensible risk, do the right thing, or connect with others. This can help you make decisions that align with your values and decrease the chances of regret in the future.

Regret shows us what we care about and helps us grow. So don't beat yourself up too much about it. Acknowledge the regret, practice self-compassion, and use it as a learning experience for the future.

Photo by Kenny Eliason

The post Practical Tips for Dealing with Regret appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Take a moment right now, and think of an important relationship for you. Maybe it's one of your children, a co-worker, or a close friend. Now write down any expectations you might have of that person. For those of you who wrote something down, consider letting go of those expectations and see how that relationship goes.

Instead of expectations, which are typically decided by one side and rarely communicated to the other side, consider shared goals and commitments, which require communication and agreement from both sides. A relationship starts when two people or groups make a commitment to each other (first date). The relationship continues if both sides are satisfied with how the last commitment was fulfilled (second and third date). Relationships deepen as people escalate their commitments to each other (vacationing together, meeting the parents, getting married, having kids).

To enhance your personal and professional relationships: Expect less, commit more. 

The post Expect Less (Relationship Quick Tip #3) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Here’s what is great about exploring one topic through a variety of different channels: the same insights consistently show up across different people’s experiences. It’s validating. One such insight is that you can increase your happiness through intentional actions.

If you’re interested in being happier than you are right now, consider the following activities that seem to hold true for many:

1. Commit acts of kindness – whether it’s random or planned, take time out of your day to do something kind for someone else. This may be especially helpful if you’re feeling down on yourself since it takes the focus off you. It can also help you keep perspective, especially when you work with those who are in much tougher situations. In the Happy documentary, one individual increased his happiness through community service. His insight: “Life is a loan given by God and I have to pay it back with interest”.
2. Pursue intrinsic goals (personal growth, close connected relationships, community service) as opposed to extrinsic goals (money, image, status)
   • Spend more time with close family and friends. They will be with you until the end and particularly when times are tough.
   • Be what you want to be – it’s hard to be happy when you’re constantly trying to be what others want you to be. Even if you get there, you’ll most likely be disappointed. If you’re not sure what you want, take the Know What You Want online workshop (To take the course for free, email us referencing this article and we'll send you a sign-up code).
3. Add some variety to your life – whether it’s changing the music you typically listen to or taking a class on a topic foreign to you, varying your routine can revitalize your experience of the world.
4. Get some aerobic exercise – movement releases dopamine and other hormones related to your mood. It’s easy to understand and even easier to put off. The hardest part about getting exercise is to start, so don’t delay. Just put on your training shoes and get to the gym, or wherever you go for exercise. Getting ample sleep is another good way to quickly boost your mood.
5. Strive to get into flow more often – flow is what happens when you’re so absorbed in an activity that you lose track of time. People often report feeling better during and after being in flow. If you're not sure how to create the conditions to get into flow, check out this article.
6. Feel in control of your situation – when things aren’t going your way, it’s easy to blame others or the circumstances. This puts you at the whim of the universe, which can often lead to unhappiness. One way to address this dynamic is to take extreme ownership of everything that happens to you so you take back control of how you live your life.
7. Build up your resilience – resilience is the ability to recover quickly when unfortunate things happen to you. One method I’ve found helpful is to diversify your life cornerstones. If achieving your work goals is a major cornerstone for you, avoid other work-related cornerstones. Consider health, relationships, or other unrelated areas where you can invest your time and energy. This way if one area of your life is not going well, you can lean into the other areas.
8. Step off the hedonic treadmill – if you find yourself trying to keep up with others on material goods or prestige (for example: type of car, status of job or school, etc.), know that you can opt out of this dissatisfaction-inducing competition. There is no need to run a race that gets you nowhere.
9. Find ways to sincerely give thanks - focus on what you have versus what you don’t have. If you can read this article, you have something to be grateful for because it means you can read one of the most common languages in the world, have access to internet, and have free time to read. Think about 2-3 specific things you’re grateful for each day to increase your happiness.
10. See time as a gift that you can use or waste. In Tim Urban’s popular article, Your Life in Weeks, he broke up our lifespan by months and then by weeks to highlight that no matter how we slice it, our time is finite. Although this realization may seem morbid, my hope is that it will encourage you to make the most out of the limited time you have.

Harvard professor Daniel Gilbert's research shows that we tend to overestimate the intensity and duration of our emotional responses to good and bad events. The good feelings you think you’ll get when you hit the lottery, get promoted, or meet your soul mate is most likely short-lived. Conversely, the lows you might be feeling now because of a job loss, bad break-up, or health issue might fade much faster than you think.

No matter what your current mood might be, consider the actions above to increase your happiness. You might also want to take this Coursera class on the Science of Well-Being.

If you have any good books or other media on increasing happiness, please share it in the comments section.

Photo by Sebastián León Prado

The post 10 Ways to Be Happier When You’re Feeling Just Fine appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

It embodies how I like to view competition - an arena to showcase your efforts with the journey of preparing to compete making you better than you were before regardless of the actual outcome.

A Parent Talks to a Child Before the First Game

"This is your first game, my child. I hope you win.

I hope you win for your sake, not mine. Because winning’s nice.

It’s a good feeling.

Like the whole world is yours.

But, it passes, this feeling.

And what lasts is what you’ve learned.

 

And what you learn about is life.

That’s what sports is all about. Life.

The whole thing is played out in an afternoon.

The happiness of life.

The miseries.

The joys.

The heartbreaks.

 

There’s no telling what’ll turn up.

There’s no telling whether they’ll toss you out in the first five minutes or whether you’ll stay for the long haul.

 

There’s no telling how you’ll do.

You might be a hero or you might be absolutely nothing.

There’s just no telling.

Too much depends on chance.

On how the ball bounces.

 

I’m not talking about the game, my child.

I’m talking about life.

But, it’s life that the game is all about.

Just as I said.

 

Because every game is life.

And life is a game.

A serious game

Dead serious.

 

But, that’s what you do with serious things. You do your best.

You take what comes.

You take what comes

And you run with it.

 

Winning is fun.

Sure.

But winning is not the point.

 

Wanting to win is the point.

Not giving up is the point.

Never being satisfied with what you’ve done is the point.

Never letting up is the point.

Never letting anyone down is the point.

 

Play to win.

Sure.

But lose like a champion.

Because it’s not winning that counts.

What counts is trying."

—Unknown

If you like the messages in this poem, I highly recommend reading the full book. It's full of insights from Wooden's life and view of the world.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema

The post A Parent Talks to a Child Before the First Game (Poem) appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

Conscious Business: How to Build Value Through Values

• Published: October 2013
• ISBN-10: 1622032020
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (must read)

EP Main Takeaway: The larger purpose of business or any competitve activity is not to gain material wealth or success "but to serve as a theater for self-knowledge, self-actualization, and self-transcendence." Business happens when two parties can exchange goods and services where both parties are better off. To succeed, you want to continuously enhance your ability to serve others while "taking a stand for your values and interacting with others authentically, constructively, and impeccably."

"Self-actualization is best supported through expressions of responsibility, autonomy, and essential integrity: a commitment to a meaningful purpose that goes beyond the immediate gratification of selfish desires and embraces others in service... main task of a conscious business is to help people succeed (accomplish their mission) while they develop healthy relationships (belong to a community) and experience an unconditional sense of peace, happiness, and growth (actualize and transcend the self)."

The post Conscious Business by Fred Kofman appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

But what does energy management really entail? We can easily see the time we save but it's harder for us to know if we're managing our energy well. A helpful visual to use is a personal energy tank. As you complete activities, energy is depleted and when you rest, your energy tank is refilled.

Three key strategies for managing your energy is to (1) prevent your energy tank from becoming empty, (2) increase the size of your tank, and (3) decrease the amount of energy you deplete per activity. 

Below are a few practical ways to manage your energy effectively:

Take care of your body

Your body is the machine that does your work and your job is to keep the machine maintained and running at max efficiency. To ensure your energy tank is at full during the start of your day, the most important thing you can do is to get 7-9 hours of sleep. To increase the capacity of your energy tank and to lower the amount of energy you expend for each activity, exercise frequently and eat well. The better your physical conditioning, the more you'll be able to do. There are many resources you can use to optimize your individual fitness routine and diet - choose one and get started. Here is a regime I use when I want to get back into shape.

Understand how emotions impact your energy and vice versa

As humans, we constantly feel emotions. Most of us are not aware of how our emotions drain our energy and how our energy impacts our emotions. The Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence has created a mood meter app which divides Emotion vs Energy into the quadrants below:

From an energy-use perspective, high energy emotions drain more energy than low energy emotions. This is true for both positive and negative emotions. You may be feeling "motivated" or "inspired" but remember these high-energy emotions are quickly depleting your energy. The way to recharge your energy is to rest, which means staying in the low energy, high pleasantness quadrant (gratitude or meditation is a good way to get there). Another powerful way to use emotions is as a marker for your energy level throughout the day. Ask yourself: What emotion am I feeling right now and is this a high or low energy emotion?

From an emotion-management perspective, first, identify which emotion you're feeling and which quadrant you're in. For example, if you're feeling "miserable", you're in the low-energy, low pleasantness quadrant. To break out of this emotional state, find ways to increase pleasantness by re-reading thank you letters from others or watching videos of your kids. If you want to restore your energy, consider sleeping early or going for a light run.

Learn to control your attention

What you experience in life is directly related to what you focus your attention on. Your ability to shift attention towards what you want to do and away from distractions will allow you to do more with the energy you have. Meditative practices, like yoga, meditation, or running long-distance, can help you better guide your mind to where you want it to go.

Whenever you can, avoid multi-tasking, which is simply task-switching, and tackle your most important activity first.

Work on something that matters

Most if not all of us want a meaningful life. What is difficult about reaching this goal is figuring out what will make a difference and give us a sense of purpose. During a recent talk, I heard the following three elements of meaningful work that I found useful:

1. Do something that helps people - most people think of this element when they think of meaningful work. If what you're doing can directly improve someone's life without making another person worse off, you'll probably find it meaningful.
2. Do something that uncovers the truth - when your activities unlock a truth about you or how the world really works, you may find yourself infused with purpose. This search for truth may be the reason so many researchers devote their lives to their narrow field of study for little to no social rewards.
3. Do something that makes the world more beautiful - whether it's a painting, song, computer program, mathematical proof, etc., spending time to add more beauty to the world can fuel you when there is seemingly little else to gain from your efforts.

When you do work that you find meaningful, you'll find that you'll increase your energy capacity significantly. This will allow you to accomplish more than others who may not be supercharged by the type of work that they do.

As you think about your day tomorrow, consider getting a good night's rest. After you wake up with your energy tank full, work only on your most important task for about 60-90 minutes. Then take a mental and physical break by taking a walk or eating a light snack. Continue your meaningful work but monitor your emotions to gauge your energy levels. If you're feeling depleted, consider a 20-minute power nap or another way to rest so you can recharge. Complete your workday with less important but necessary tasks and reflect on how you managed your energy. End your day with a good night's rest and repeat.

Photo by Riccardo Annandale

The post 4 Practical Ways to Manage Your Energy to Achieve More in Life appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Trust makes life easier because it allows you to focus on building and growing as opposed to worrying and guarding. When there is low trust, it's hard to accomplish anything significant without expending extra energy and effort.

To assess the level of trust in your relationships, look for the following signs of strong trust:

• Open and relaxed exchange of information
• A giving atmosphere as opposed to one where people are keeping score or operating tit-for-tat
• Easy transactions - no haggling or complicated contracts

Another way to analyze the trust in your relationships along with increasing your own trustworthiness is to use David Maister's trust equation:

To build trust more effectively:

• Increase your Credibility by building up your knowledge and expertise. Can you actually deliver on what you say you can deliver? Credentials and references will increase your trustworthiness.
• Demonstrate your Reliability by developing a reputation for getting things done and keeping your word. If people can count on you to follow through, you'll be more trustworthy in their eyes.
• Form a connection (Intimacy) and put the other person at ease so they feel comfortable opening up to you. One way to connect is to be appropriately vulnerable. You might be credible and reliable but if the other person doesn't open up to you, it'll be difficult to deepen your trust with them.
• Be focused on others and reduce your Self Orientation. No one will trust you if they feel you're only out for yourself. Show people you care about them by first understanding what they want out of life and helping them get it.

Different people may put different weights on these four variables. For example, if you’re action and results oriented, you might give more weight to credibility and reliability. If you value relationships over getting things done, connectedness and low self-orientation may be more important to you.

A great way to internalize this trust formula is to assess the trustworthiness of those around you. Conduct a trust audit of your key relationships. Consider three to five people in professional and personal contexts that are relevant for you and assess them on the four dimensions of the equation.

For those you trust, break down why you trust them. For those who you don't trust, see where they might be falling short. For example, maybe you can't trust your boss because she is unreliable even though you know she has your best interest in mind. Perhaps you trust a specific teacher because they are good at what they do and they show how much they care about your learning and development.

Probably the more important question is how trustworthy are you?

Look at how you stack up against these 4 variables and set goals to increase your trustworthiness. Maybe you need to get an MBA to increase your credibility as a business leader or spend more time getting to know people and actively helping and appreciating them so you come across as less self-oriented.

Increasing the level of trust across all your relationships will lead to more meaningful and easier interactions.

If you want more ideas to deepen trust, here are 101 simple ways to build trust.

Photo by Jakob Owens

The post How to Build Trust and Assess Trustworthiness appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

(click on book cover for more details)

The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth: Live Them and Reach Their Full Potential by John Maxwell

• Published: September 2014
• ISBN-10: 1599953676
• EP Rating: 5 out of 5 (great read)

EP Main Takeaway: Growth should be intentional and aligned with your passion and purpose. If not, you run the risk of being busy without meaning. Be honest with yourself and take consistent action based on insights from self-reflection. Design your growth to match your goals and consistently have tension between where you are and where you want to be. Show humility and exude character in all of your interactions. Manage your environment to help you and be grateful for all the support by developing your talent to serve others.

The post The 15 Invaluable Laws of Growth by John Maxwell appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

As a parent, I imagined endless whining and moping and an annoying summer all around. Surprisingly, that didn't happen. He didn't even cry at the doctor's office.

I've never been in a cast before but I would  imagine it being an irritating and uncomfortable experience at best. Which is why my son's non-reaction to this entire experience amazed me.

Jake adjusted to the cast immediately and  acted as if the cast has been a part of him all of his life. He climbed on things and moved about just as much as before. He slept well and didn't complain at all.

Despite his good mood, everyone felt sorry for him.

We certainly did.

My parents especially.

All of our friends as well.

Strangers too.

Everyone would ask him if he's okay and the question puzzled him - "why wouldn't I be ok?"

Perhaps ignorance is bliss but Jake's response taught me an important lesson:

When facing setbacks or unexpected misfortune, act as if it was planned and meant to be.

If we adopt this mindset, the entire focus changes away from the past and into the present. By staying in the moment, we pay attention to what we can do to continue moving forward with our lives.

This is easy to understand yet difficult to do because we are fighting our natural response to pity ourselves. We've been conditioned by watching others who become sad and regretful, blame others or complain non-stop when something goes wrong. When we experience a setback, it's easy to feel that life has been unfair to us and now we are entitled to special treatment or at least a good excuse to be a bit more self-centered.

Although this is the common reaction, it's hardly an effective one. Think back to when something bad happened to you and you just moped or got angry with those around you. There are typically no winners in that situation. You're not in a better mood and now others are feeling bad as well.

Next time you get passed over for your promotion, rejected by your love interest or fall ill unexpectedly, act as if this was meant to happen and a normal occurrence. This mindset of acceptance will help you get on with your life.

My four-year old nephew sums it all beautifully in a rhyme he learned in school:

"You get what you get but you don't get upset."

Pay attention to kids - they can teach us a lot.

Here is another one I learned from babies on how to always achieve your goals.

Update - My son's cast is officially off  and right before his first day of daycare. What great timing!

The post What my two-year old taught me about managing setbacks appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

This third interview of the Modeling Success Series reminds me why I love what I do and how much I enjoy meeting and learning from extraordinary people. I came away from this particular interview reinvigorated towards living my passion. The person who had such an energizing effect on me was Frances Hesselbein, President and CEO of the Frances Hesselbein Leadership Institute.

Ms. Hesselbein was also the former CEO of the Girls Scouts of the USA and recipient of countless awards including the Presidential Medal of Freedom, the highest civilian award in the United States. As I entered her office overlooking Park Avenue in New York, I couldn't help but notice her wall, covered in either books or honorary doctorates. She must have noticed because she started our journey together with this story:

After thanking her for allowing me to be a fellow traveler that morning, Ms. Hesselbein enlightened me with her personal definition of success. She knows she is successful when she lives by her main rule of conduct (which she jokes is tattooed on her shoulder with invisible ink):

To Serve is to Live

On that front, she's certainly been very successful.

She also lives by two of Peter Drucker's pearls of wisdom:

"Think first. Speak last."

"Ask. Don't tell."

- Peter Drucker

Simple instructions that lead to a life of success. I've added these 3 principles to my own rules of conduct and have seen great results both personally and professionally. Speaking last has been especially helpful.

Successful people rarely achieve success on their own. Behind every great person is a vast network of people willing to help. To be extraordinary, it is crucial to connect and collaborate with other extraordinary people. Listen to the next audio to find out good ways to connect with like-minded people and leaders.

Audio - Connecting with Leaders - 0:37

The last piece of advice in that audio is to "find great excitement in moving beyond the walls".

Walls protect.

They also limit.

To make an impact in the world, we have to step out of our "walls". We need to leave behind what is safe and familiar to create new paths for ourselves and others to follow. This is not easy and most people stay within their self-imposed boundaries or those set by society. Great people usually have the same boundaries as ordinary people. The difference is great people choose to step across it.

One question that I often ask successful people is:

What do you do when you're not making progress fast enough?

I enjoyed Ms. Hesselbein's answer very much. Listen for yourself in the audio below.

Audio - Progress Too Slow? - 1:26

When was the last time you compared your results with your activity to decide which tasks are truly important to do?

If it was a long time ago or you've never done it, take time to thoughtfully reflect on your results and tasks today. Which activities really matter and which are just nice to do?

Times are always changing and what worked for you today will not work for you tomorrow. Be flexible by challenging yourself and your actions. Keep yourself accountable by being critical of your own performance.

Listen to the audio below to learn what that means.

Audio - Be Critical of Yourself in a Good Way - 1:22

We then switched gears and I asked Ms. Hesselbein a question I get asked all the time by my clients:

"Should I take this opportunity?"

Again, she answered it in such a nice way that I'll rather you hear it from her directly.

Audio - Courage to Take Opportunities - 0:53

What will you use to test whether an opportunity is right for you?

Is your current situation furthering your mission? If not, are you willing to close the door and open a new one?

One of the major takeaways from this interview revolves around Ralph Waldo Emerson's quote:

"Be ye an opener of doors ..."

We learn everyday and it is our responsibility to share that with others. Think of ways today to open doors for other people. If you can't think of anything, start literally and move on from there.

Audio - Opener of Doors - 0:31 

To get more of Frances Hesselbein and her great advice, I highly recommend viewing Frances Hesselbein's Global Webinars and checking out other useful resources on the Frances Hesselbein Leadership Institute website.

During the end of my interview with Ms. Hesselbein, I noticed the view from her window was a gloomy one. It was raining and everything was gray outside. When I asked her what she sees outside of the window, her answer was ...

... a bright future.

This was the perfect example of "looking out the window and seeing what is visible and not yet seen".

Listen below to hear why she is so positive (hint: it is not because of her blood type).

Audio - A Bright Future - 4:42

So What Will I Model?

1. Respect everyone - shown by BOTH my actions and my words
2. Actively open doors for other people by sharing with them what and who I know
3. Live by my own definition of success and continuously find and take on other more resourceful rules of conduct such as:
   • To serve is to live
   • Think first, speak last
   • Ask. Don't tell.
4. Be mission-focused., values-based and demographics-driven.
   • Why do I do what I do?
   • What are my beliefs and am I sticking to them?
   • Who am I serving and how can I serve them better?
5. Connect with others by moving beyond my comfort zone
6. Examine what I'm doing to make sure it is important relative to my mission
7. Learn to be more flexible so when what works for me today stops working for me tomorrow, I can shift gears quickly
8. Close the doors on opportunities that don't achieve my mission and open new ones
9. Stay positive and be optimistic
   

What will you model?

The post Modeling Success Series – Frances Hesselbein – #3 appeared first on Embrace Possibility.