At least that’s what I believe and it has served me well.

So why is it that some of them do bad things?

Unthinkable things?

From genocides to bullying

From terrorism to financial fraud

From smoking to working way too much

People, who are generally good, end up doing a spectrum of bad things to others and to themselves.

I used to believe that it was the weakness of these people and their characters that caused them to act poorly. Bad people are just bad people and those who are influenced by their environment or by others are just weak-willed. From my personal experiences, observations and research, I now realize how mistaken I was.

In Philip Zimbardo’s book, The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil, he recounts in detail his famous Stanford Prison Experiment where college students, randomly assigned to be guards and inmates, were transformed in such a shocking way that they had to end the experiment early. Without being told how to behave, the guards naturally became brutal and sadistic while the inmates became resigned and emotionally broken (I recommend reading the book if you’re interested to see how things got to that point and the psychological analysis of why that happened.)

The roles were assigned randomly. The students who played the guards were not bad people. Those who played inmates were not weak-willed. They were both simply changed by the situation they were put in.

The lesson: Good apples in bad barrels become bad apples.

The environment that we are in has a profound effect on our thinking and actions. Most people (I was one of them) believe they can act independently of their environment not realizing how much of their action reflects the values of those around them and the situation they are in.

Why this happens: We all want to belong and gain acceptance from those around us. It’s natural and it happens without our conscious awareness. The clothes that we wear, the way we speak, the car that we buy, these decisions are all made to gain social approval. Even those who fight against the status quo and conformity want to gain acceptance from others fighting against conformity.

Take some time now to think about your own situation and your environment. If you want some guidance follow along with the steps below:

1. Is there something you do that you don’t want to do but seem helpless to stop it? (choose a few of these)
2. Think about your environment (the people around you, the books your read, the culture of your company, the physical objects that surround you, etc.) and find the connection between your undesired behavior and your environment (there is a connection so keep looking until you find it).

Some examples:

People who work late usually do so because everyone else works late. When I was working in Asia, one of the key concepts I learned was “face time” (this was before Apple redefined the word). People would literally stay in the office because everyone else was in the office and if you left early, you would be judged as being lazy or not being a team player regardless if you’ve finished your work or not.

People who consistently fail at their diets usually live in a household filled with junk food or have close friends who have poor diet and exercise habits.

People who put themselves in debt buying luxury goods are usually in an environment where status symbols are necessary to fit in. Those who don't buy the best are ostracized by the group.

“When the character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.”

- Japanese Proverb

Once you make the connection between your behavior and your environment, recognize that as the main cause for your negative behavior and stop blaming your lack of willpower and discipline.

This doesn’t mean you should blame the environment or your external circumstances and relieve yourself of all responsibility. No matter what you may think or feel, you CHOSE the environment you are in so you are completely responsible for your actions. When you take total responsibility for your life, you give yourself the power you need to move forward.

So what now?

Well we’ve seen how our negative behaviors are linked to our environment. Let’s start putting this tendency to conform to our environment to work for us.

The best way for us to take advantage of this phenomenon is to:

Choose or Create a Better Environment

You've identified something in your environment that is causing your undesired behavior. My question to you is how will you change your environment to get the behaviors that you want?

Common environmental aspects that people can change:

• who you spend your time with
• what you read or watch
• where you live
• where you work
• how you organize your home or office
• the food in your fridge and pantry

I didn't choose my family. 

What a waste to throw away food.

I can't afford to leave my job.

I can't abandon my friends. We've been together since we were young. 

These are legitimate concerns.

So what if you can’t escape your environment?

First, there is no such thing as can’t. You probably don’t want to or don’t know how to.

Second, if you decide that you don’t want to leave your environment because it is doing something positive for you (i.e. a bad job still helps to pay the bills), then you may want to take these steps to plan your escape:

1. Recognize that you’re getting something positive out of your current environment even though it is causing a negative behavior
2. Find alternatives to meet that positive want or need
3. Make a plan to get out of that environment
4. Execute your plan and get out of that environment (you may find The Dreams to Reality Fieldbook helpful for the last 2 steps)

How do you use this method to escape toxic friends or family or both?

Here is an example:

1. What positives are you getting from your friends and family?

You enjoy being with other people and you feel good knowing there are people who look out for you. This is especially true for family members. You feel a sense of obligation to be loyal to your family and friends and you don't want to break that loyalty. Also, you just don't want to be alone. No matter what the reason, recognize and appreciate that you are benefiting from these relationships.

2. What are your options? How can you meet these positives in another way?

You can find new friends who possess the values you want to cultivate, spend less time with existing friends and family or learn to be more comfortable being alone by taking up new hobbies. You can also consider hanging out more with friends and family who are good influences on you.

3. Create a plan to get out of your current environment.

You decide that finding new friends and spending less time with toxic friends and family is a good option. Your plan may include:

• declining group events with toxic friends and family
• attending events or club meetings with people who you believe will have a positive influence on you
• staying away from places where you would run into toxic friends and family
• actively scheduling to meet with friends and family that you do want to see more of

4. Execute your plan

Take action immediately. Schedule to meet with friends next week. Research professional associations and clubs where you'll find like-minded people. Start declining group activities that you know will lead to negative behaviors (i.e. trip to the casino).

Despite knowing that you are heavily influenced by your environment, don’t make excuses for yourself.

Your life is what you make it.

"You're only a victim once. The next time you're an accomplice."

- Naomi Judd

The post Why Good People Do Bad Things appeared first on Embrace Possibility.

Although this lesson is interesting and helpful on its own, its effectiveness is powerfully multiplied when used within the context created after reading Lesson 1 - The First Thing to Think About and Lesson 2 -  Matchmaker - Assist the Buyer. If you haven't reviewed those articles recently, I recommend that you do so before reading on.

Now that you have clearly understood your customer's needs and wants and determined that what you have to sell is an excellent fit to meet those needs and wants, it is almost time to get to the juicy part of sales - the exchange of money for value.

Before getting to that important moment, it is helpful to understand how people make their buying decisions and why they currently buy the things they buy. Having this knowledge will greatly increase your chance for making a successful sale with integrity.

To understand how people decide when to exchange their money for some product or service, let's look at how we make our buying decisions. Think about purchases you've made recently and the reason for those purposes. I've found these to be the common reasons we buy:

Belonging and Acceptance

One of the strongest drivers for any person is the desire to belong and to satisfy the need for acceptance within a group. Think about all the things you've bought just because other people had it, it was the fashion of the time or it helped you to be accepted into a group you wanted to be in.

This is why I've owned a Jansport bookbag, a motorcycle and golf clubs. Since then, I've given away my Jansport, sold my motorcycle and allowed my golf clubs (and accompanying pull cart) to collect dust. As I look at my current purchases, I'm surprised how many of my purchases are still based on this first reason.

How Knowing This Helps You: Build social proof by showing honest testimonial of your current clients being happy with your product or service or both and providing evidence that what you have to offer is preferred by the groups that your prospect is inclined to join. If you don't know which groups your prospect is inclined to join, go back to Lesson 1 (hint: use the same way to figure out what your potential customers want). Great way to build credibility is to serve others and being recognized as a consistent giver of value.

Boosting Self-Esteem and Confidence

Raising our self-esteem is one of those natural desires that greatly influence how we make decisions and when we decide to open up our wallets. A comedian once said "If women didn't like nice cars, men wouldn't be driving nice cars." and I have to admit there is some truth in that statement. We are all willing to spend money if we know it will help us improve the way we feel and look at ourselves.

It's not always about the practical use of what we buy that matters but how it makes us feel. The multi-BILLION dollar plastic surgery and cosmetics industries have been a major beneficiary of this reason to buy, not to mention any company dealing in designer merchandise (clothes, leather goods and shoes).

How Knowing This Helps You: In addition to all the wants and needs you've gathered from your prospect, remember that your prospect always has a desire to boost their self-esteem and confidence. If what you offer can increase their self-esteem, always highlight how it can make your prospects feel even better about themselves. Look out for these warning signs for low self-esteem to help you find potential clients.

Conditioning

Pavlov's dog should really get some royalties. He is probably the world's most famous dog when it comes to conditioning. For those of you who think I'm talking about hair products, the dog's athletic prowess or have no idea what I'm talking about, let me explain. For those who know where I'm going, feel free to skip the next paragraph.

Ivan Pavlov was a psychologist, and one of his most famous experiments was ringing a bell every time he was about to feed the dog and measuring the saliva levels. As you can guess, the dog soon associated the bell with being served food and automatically began salivating when he heard the bell. The basic idea is a stimulus (bell) triggers an automatic response (more saliva).

Although this experiment was conducted over 100 years ago, it provides our third explanation for why people buy. We are conditioned to buy. The goal of most advertisements is to associate a stimulus (their product) with an automatic response (handing our money over). I am shocked by how conditioned I am. I need to have Coca-Cola (or Pepsi) when I eat pizza, I automatically buy Bounty when I need paper towels and I think about GoDaddy when it's time to get a new domain name.

How Knowing This Helps You: Treat people well every time they buy from you and follow through on all of your promises. Be well-liked by smiling, being enthusiastic and listening intently. Click here to learn How to Build Rapport with Anyone.

Your actions will condition people to like, trust and believe you. Once they like you (because you've provided them with exceptional service) and trust you (because you've delivered what you promise), every time you make them an offer, they will associate you with all those great feelings and experiences.

Fulfilling Necessity and Convenience

Everyday there is someone buying food, gas and electricity and they do so because they either need it or it makes their life much easier. Out of all the reasons in this article, this one sets itself apart because it not only applies to everyone but products meeting this reason is very easy to sell. Who wouldn't exchange money for food when they are starving or pay for the use of a private bathroom after a week without showering. Unfortunately, due to the ease with which you can get someone to buy with this reason, competition is usually strong.

How Knowing This Helps You: Try to make what you are selling meet a need or help to make life more convenient. Be able to honestly answer "Yes" if someone asks whether your product or service is useful and whether it will make them happy.

If you have the "greatest" product ever and no one wants it but you, you're going to have a very hard time selling it. Although it is possible to educate and persuade your prospects about the benefits, it takes both time and money. You're better off selling something with some real demand. Anything that caters to any of the other reasons in this article is a great start. To set yourself apart, think about what you can offer that is unique to what is being offered.

Helping Someone You Know

I have a drawer full of Girl Scout cookies.

I didn't buy them to belong or be accepted into a group.

It hasn't really helped me boost my self-esteem or confidence.

I was definitely not conditioned to buy them.

It is something I don't need and it has actually made my life more inconvenient to find storage space for it.

So why did I do it?

To help out my co-worker's daughter.

That's it.

People buy things to preserve or build relationships. I am more inclined to buy something if I know that it will be helpful to someone I know. It is this reason I patronize my friend's restaurants, use my friend's services and buy girl scout cookies. I've come to realize that I tend to spend more on others than I do on myself. Life (which includes business) is about relationships and the more you give, the more you receive.

How Knowing This Helps You: Build relationships with everyone. If you haven't build up a strong network, start now. Once good relationships are established, your chances for getting a positive response for what you have to offer increases dramatically.

The best way to build your network is to help others. If you serve others without expecting anything in return, you will be the one that everyone wants to help even if it means buying some girl scout cookies. Relationships are ongoing and require maintenance. If you haven't done anything for your network lately, what are you waiting for?

Although it is important who you know, it is more important who knows you.

People rarely buy because of rational thinking and detailed pros and cons charts, they buy because of emotion. They ask themselves so many questions:

Will this be useful? Will it make me happy? Can I afford it? Will it do what it promises? Is it worth the money? Do I need it now? Do I trust this guy?

In the next lesson, we're going to talk about answering some of those questions and effectively building the bridge between what your prospect wants and what you have to offer.

Until then, I would be interested to hear how you currently make your buying decisions. Please share your experiences and thoughts in the comments section.

The post How to Sell with Integrity – Lesson 3 – Why People Buy appeared first on Embrace Possibility.