When I was in grade school, I would stop by the corner store every day to buy a pack of Now and Later candy on my way to school. There were six pieces in the pack and after sharing with some close friends, I would still have three to enjoy throughout the day.
The Now and Laters tasted fantastic, lasted a long time, and helped to solidify friendships. I couldn't ask for a better deal. Fast forward 30 years and two root canals and an embarrassing amount of fillings later, I realize the short-term satisfaction was not worth it. The bigger issue is being blind to these consequences at the time of the decision. This means there is a good chance I'm doing something now that I'll probably regret later.
The present-day equivalent of Now and Laters for me is sleep. The project or activity I'm engaged in at night always seems more interesting than sleep so I stay up late. The next morning, feeling fatigued and unfocused, I would vow to get to bed early just to repeat the unhealthy cycle. This doesn't even account for the serious implications of a large sleep deficit.
In Dollars and Sense by Jeff Kreisler and Dan Ariely, they share research showing that "now" tempts us more than "later". Their insight is that people make decisions emotionally in the present moment and rationally in the future.
They show this phenomenon in the explanation for why people continue to text and drive. Three "now-focused" factors that cause this negative behavior are the:
- Inability to delay gratification (Pleasure of engaging with friends - looks like we haven't come that far from the marshmallow experiment)
- Uncertainty that the bad outcome will occur ("What are the chances? Tons of people text and drive.")
- Overconfidence in the ability to avoid death ("I have my eye on the road and I'm not going that fast.")
The same three elements apply to most if not all temptations. I don't get enough sleep because:
- "It's hard to say no to a good conversation or finishing a project." (unable to delay gratification)
- "Bill Clinton only sleeps 3-4 hours and he was President." (uncertainty of bad outcome)
- "With a few cups of coffee, I'll do just fine." (Overconfidence in own ability)
It's easy to find ourselves justifying our "undesired" behaviors as opposed to controlling them. Take a temptation you're struggling with and reflect on how these three factors come into play.
To resist temptation, shift the focus from "now" until "later" by leveraging these three practical tips:
Acknowledge your incompetency to resist temptations
When you grasp that you're more likely to lose when you come face to face with temptation, the natural course of action is to prevent the situation. In the driving and texting example, you might want to leave your phone in the glove compartment or somewhere out of reach. To help me resist staying up late, I try to opt out of drinks after dinner or avoid beginning a passion project after 10 pm.
Avoid decision-making when "under the influence"
We make poor decisions when we are impaired by strong emotions and desires, alcohol, fatigue, stress and distractions. To resist temptations, monitor your emotions and be vigilant if you're not well-rested, calm, and under control. When you're being emotionally hijacked in the "now", avoid making decisions or use pre-determined rules. In Nudge by Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein, they recommend creating such rules when you're unemotional and calm so when you are "under the influence", you can simply follow your rule without the internal debate. When it comes to getting more sleep, my rule is to head to the bedroom by 11 pm.
Magnify the "upcoming pain" now
Ask yourself, "What will happen if the negative outcome of my behavior is guaranteed?"
If you weren't able to avoid or stop the bad consequences of your actions, what repercussions would they have on your goals, relationships, health, finances, etc? You are the steward for your future self. Vividly envisioning your future pain will help temper the excitement of the present temptation.
When I applied this third tip to my challenge around sleep, I thought about how my lifespan might be shortened so I wouldn't be able to see my kids flourish as adults. I also considered how my performance at work could be so much better and how not sleeping enough is slowing down my progress. Just thinking about these negative outcomes again is already making me want to get to bed earlier.
It's not easy to resist temptations because of the way we're wired. At the same time, if we understand what drives our behaviors, we can use that knowledge to drive the results we want to achieve in life.
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